Hello

[Guest Michael-and-Charlene]

Hi

 

We moved over here late last year. "We" consists of me (45, a social worker/health researcher) Charlene (45, a nurse), Louis (4, a train enthusiast) and Henry (2, dancer).

 

I say we moved here but in truth we returned. I lived here for a while 12 years ago and Charlene was born here but has been in the UK for 16 years. We weren't really expecting to feel quite so foreign. A lot of the people we knew here we've either lost contact with or grown apart from. In short we have realised that to all intents and purposes we are Poms in Adelaide and in the same boat as all the other new arrivals here.

 

It's been a bit of a struggle to be frank and there have been a few occasions we've considered going back to the UK. I think we were expecting to just settle in, catch up with old friends, meet a few new people, get jobs we liked etc - hey presto a new life! Needless to say that didn't happen.

 

Still a place is only what you make of it and the people you get to know. And that I guess is why we're here.

 

Michael

[Sallyh]

Hugs to you.

 

We have been in that similar place too. It gets better but you will take a while to feel at home again. We are coming up to 2 years now and at some point it has morphed into home again for my husband (who is from Adelaide but left and lived in the UK for the past 10 years, when we married).

 

Over those 10 years we have been on trips and had those 'booking appointments to catch up with friends' type arrangements, as well as trying to make the most of family. But it is hard and although there was attrition over that time, we have been rediscovering who 'our people' are - and putting friendships in the right 'boxes'.

 

Some pre-children friendships have become now more about the children and we have realised that they are better for playdates and not 'adult friendships' so much any more. Others we have realised our parenting styles / philosophy on life is too different any more and those friendships need to be pruned - like a plant putting too much effort into branches that are not bearing fruit any more -sometimes we can be putting energy into friendships that no longer bear fruit (but that we want to keep for old time's sake). Yet other friends have become much more important than they ever were (and I have stolen a few of Matthew's old friends from high school days and now they are really 'my' people and not his... )

 

And then there are new people we have met together as a family. BUt it takes a while for even good friendships to grow into those we have left behind, so some of it is just waiting for that to happen. Some times you will just have the gift of a friendship which is immediately as if you have known each other for years - we have been blessed with a couple of those too...

 

But the hardest thing for us has been experiencing the family dynamic. Any group of friends and even family 'close up the gap#' that you left behind - they have to, in order to get on with their lives. So even with family we have found it has taken them time to adjust to us being here, even though we felt that it should be as easy for them as it was for us...

 

So I really understand exactly how you feel, and promise it will get better but I don't think Adelaide will be ever as if you never left. My husband sees it much differently now we have been away - people and places change, and our experiences change us too.

 

Got similar age children to you , so if you want to meet up any time, might be good. Stick with it, but be kind to yourselves about how you feel.