My wife doesn't want to go and needs encouragement

[daveblade178]

Hi, My wife Joanne doesn't really want to go, however after years of moaning from me has finally agreed. Can any of you guys give her some encouragement that it is the right thing to do. I would me most gratefull as her face lately since i lodged my skills assessment with the TRA is like a bag of spanners.

many thanks Dave

[Roo1]

Hi Dave,

Unfortunatly thats true to life when sometimes one partner wants to emigrate more badly than the other.
How about you guys come to a compromise? Maybe agree to give it 2 years out here. If she still doesn't like it, then at least you can say you've given it a go.

J x

[mOZzy]

hi dave,

unfortunately there is nothing i can add to this!
if you are not in it 100% it won't work!
it's stressfull enough as it is and you need all your strenght to settle down in your new surrounding! -

is there something in particular she resents? or is it 'just' the thought of the big (far) move! - have you got kids?

yes, i'd say a compromise is the solution. either way if you go she won't be happy - if you stay you won't be happy. if you go for say 2 years at least she tried and you can't fault her on that one!

hope it works out for you

[ianb]

Hi, My wife Joanne doesn't really want to go, however after years of moaning from me has finally agreed. Can any of you guys give her some encouragement that it is the right thing to do. I would me most gratefull as her face lately since i lodged my skills assessment with the TRA is like a bag of spanners.

many thanks Dave

Dave,

Have you been to oz before? If not it may be prudent to do a reccie or holiday, i know it costs but may give both you a sample of what it is like. If it turns out from a from a visit that its not for you at least it would work out cheaper than going through the whole process.
I agree with whats been said that to make it work everyone needs to be 110% sure. Yes you can it a go and see how it goes but the pressures you will be put under could cause you both more problems that could ruin a relationship.
Chat about ti and see what the issues are and see if these can be overcome. But no one should be made to go as it could cause alot of resentment.

What ever happens good luck and best wishes

[Django]

I kept raising the idea of moving to Oz on and off over the years. Tracey kept brushing off the idea. Now I reckon she is more keen than I am.

However, unless she really wanted to go there would be no point. If it is to work you must both be 'up for it' or you will back before you know it or your relationship will suffer badly. My advice is if she doesn't want to go then don't. It's not like the move is to the next town. Sorry to be negative but thats the reality in moving to the other side of the world.

[dglamoore]

Can only agree with what everyone else has already said - it is a tremundous strain moving so far on any relationship and if one of you feels pushed into it things will be sooo much harder when you get here We have seen couples split over moving here - not rosy I know but real.

I wanted to move for years and the time was never right, eventually Greg agreed but it has still been hard. Now he is as glad as I am that we made the move but both of you really have to have your hearts in it.

Lisa

[smit]

If she doesnt want to do it ...........then dont. Too much stress..........its not easy when you first turn up in astrange land and all youre get is " I told you" and shell be on a plane before you know it.

Smit

[Devon]

Can only agree with some other people I'm afraid so hardly the encouragement you want to hear but it is best to be honest. Australia can be pretty lonely for the one who doesn't want to go. Friends of ours agreed they would give it 2 years and then go back if she still wasn't happy. She hated it so much during that 2 years - unfortunately he and the 3 kids love it and refused to go back. She has just made the heart breaking decision to stay in the Uk whilst back on holiday and seperated a family after 15 years of marriage - her OH and the children aged 10 - 16 are staying in OZ!

[Trakki]

I totally agree with everyone else I'm afraid. Pete (Django) as he said has talked for years about going and I wanted to but couldn't face leaving my family here but then I lost my dad at the age of 57 to cancer and decided that life was too short so decided that I would give it a go. I am now really excited about going and just want to be there. If Pete had pushed me and I had gone I probably would not have made the most of it and resented him for it. We have agreed however that whether we like it or not we will stay for 5 years get citizenship for us and the children. Then if we do come back the children have Aussie citizenship and can go back whenever they want with out having to go through the stress of visa.

Sorry I have not been much help but maybe a compromise is the way to go but I think alot of discussion needs to take place before you commit to moving to the other side of the world.

Tracey

[lastboyscout]

Put your foot down Dave, tell her you are the boss and your decision is final, tell her to get back in the kitchen and make some dinner

Only kidding

If one of you has reservations about going then you should talk it out more or even go on a visit , then she`ll see what a wonderful place it is and want to move there immediately :)

Thats why we made the decision- never been there in our lives, can`t afford to either, but anywhere is better than this country at the moment, the weather is ****e, houses are ridiculously expensive, you get taxed on just breathing here, and there is absolutely nothing for our kids to look forward to in the future, who knows Adelaide might not be the answer to all our problems but at least we won`t be thinking `I wonder what life would have been like.........` if we didn`t go on this amazing journey..... TOGETHER:)

If all else fails buy her some flowers !LOL