still homesick 5 yrs later.HELP

[Guest sally722]

Been here in Adelaide for 5yrs and still wondering if i have done the right thing,hubby and children are settled just me,.

Any advice,help etc.

[HEAPS GOOD !!!]

Just gonna push this up the top for you, your not alone in this feeling.

 

alot of people feel like this just dnt say anything.

 

Where abouts are you living? maybe some of the members have some spare time to meet up.

 

Thanks for posting its the first step in trying to help yourself get through it.

 

It is by no means easy moving to the other side of the world.

 

HG

[phil&Sue]

been here 15 months n not feeling v settled, i now have a niece (6 days old) and we have lost a wonderful grandparent v suddenly, i had a good job in the airline industry (they couldn't offer p-time very much - now I am a mum) so we decided to give Oz a go. My other half travels bucket loads with his job now, so things feel q stressful, he is away so much, and i am far from family. I really am having a rant!!! Got to get it off your chest, as HG says most people don't say it, i hope to give it 2-4 yrs, sometimes i don't think i can give it 4 yrs. I love Oz, i struggle with the distance. I fear the job market in the UK. Me and my other half, have lots of work experience, not brilliant qualifications... Anyone else struggling a bit????!!!!!!??? I have made a few good friends, but it is a long way....... I have a job, but I am not overly enjoying it, that is half of the struggle I think.... Not sure Sally if i can advise, it is such a personal decision, some days I wish my OH had just changed jobs to try n better our life rather than such a huge thing we took on board..... It is tough to start from scratch again..... Any advice too out there??? Cheers lots for listening.... Think I am having a get it off your chest day!!!

[Guest teresa]

Hi ya girls,

We are just in the process of getting my hubbies 476 visa. He will be doing a job in oz with more responsibility and travel. We are coming over in or around October time with our 10 yr old daughter and 2 yr old son. I have always worked and will not be working in oz. We will not know anyone when we arrive. im very close to my mother, who will be staying in the ukl. that said, ive never been so excited about embracing our new life in such a fab country. In the uk we moved from london down to the coast, it took us quite a few years before we felt settled, and that was just a move within the uk. As far as i see it, the uk has nothing left to offer our children, no work, education which now is so expensive that it may only be available to the priviledged few, and an NHS system which is stretched to breaking point. Theres probably not much left in this country but your friends and family. Its a shame, i do like the uk but dont like what its become. Cant offer any advice to you but im sure that what you are feeling is natural, and fully expect to go through it as well - im just sympathising with you.

[Riponian]

It is not easy be a long way from everything that you know and used to love all be it with its faults. Think you need to try and find out what it is actually you are missing and try and make them better.

I have been here 18mth and I love it but I have had my moments. I know Australia is the right place for us and for the kids. I have had my doubts about Adelaide for the long term and for now they are settled.

I have good friends enjoying running, squash and going to the gym.

 

The thing I am struggling with most is breaking into the aussie community and making them close friends. My son has started Kindy and that helps.

You just have to be bold, but if your not that type of person it is hard and ask them round for coffee. Or hold a party of some kind, tupperware or any of the other things that you are interested in.

Join parent groups and just talk to people and find people with similar interests to you.

 

Good luck and hope you can fiqure out what would make your life better friends, money, job, house suburb.

 

Michelle

[Guest leeozbound]

We are about to make the move approx Feb 2012 after just getting our visa. I know this is from someone who has not yet made the move and therefore is not really in a position to say what is the right way to feel. We have been preparing for this moment for 9 years in total even going to the extent of my wife retraining as a nurse to get the right qualifications to be able to apply for the visa. Everybody's reason for making this move is different, so we will all naturally have different emotions once we are there. All you can do on a bad day is remember the reason that made you want to make this journey, whether it was the opportunity for yourself, your children, work opportunity, lifestyle change or all of these reasons together. We are taking video of some of the areas not far from where we live (we used to run pubs in some of the not so nice areas with naughty kids and parents that matched, having said that we had a lovely bar/restaurant with pretty much the same attitude.) this is one of our reminders why we have put so much hard work into making this move possible.

 

My Father inlaw told me that the grass is not all ways greener on the other side, I said maybe not but the sand is alot warmer.

[HEAPS GOOD !!!]

the grass is not always greener on the other side just a different shade, you still have to work for a living as you would anywhere in the world, but you cant put a price on lifestyle and thats what you get out here...well once it warms up a little anyway...lol

 

HG

[snifter]

To the OP

 

What in particular are you struggling with? Friendships? Getting to grips with the way of life? The differences between the UK and Aus? The climate?

 

Give me something to work with I'll gladly try to offer some suggestions.

[Guest sally722]

Thanks guys for the replies,was having a bad day and needed to sound off.

Adelaide has a better lifestyle for the children and we have had some great times here but just does'nt feel like home.

I miss family,close friends and the familiarity.I know quite a few people will feel the same way too and good to know i am not the only one.

Am in a better place today,the sun has been shining.Really appreciate all your messages.Sally

[Guest purplerdt77]

I cannot wait to leave the Uk and have been pretty gutted with the changes in the UK, I feel that the community spirit has completely gone and people are more materialistic than ever, I dont care what car you drive or if you have the latest gadgets life should be about people. We are hoping to come over early next near we have our visa just need to sell our house. I know leaving family will be hard but I am thinking about my family unit me my husband and little girl we work so hard in the UK just to pay bills and cannot afford to play at all, we are looking forward to moving somewhere where all you need is you and a picnic if thats what you want. Sykpe is a wonderful thing and I think we will probably see family face to face more than living just half an hour away like we do now I have seen my brother since Xmas. Leaving the UK has to be one of the biggest things you could ever do, but believe me you must make the most of it some people never get the chance to leave the town they were born in.

[Guest Chris_J]

Do you work? I reckon having a job, probably helps quite a bit. There's only so much "stay at home" you can do, cooking and cleaning, sorting the children etc but what about after midday when you're all done? The boredom probably kicks in, which makes you think of friends and family back home and then you get all depressed over it again.

 

Does your husband know how you feel? Perhaps you need a holiday or even a trip back to the UK to remind you what you've left behind. You'll have a heart attack at fuel prices now

[Guest sally722]

Hi Chris,no i dont work,i am at stay at home mum which i enjoy but yeh you are right all that time to think isn't good.My hubby and eldest girl are aware of how i feel but have suffered badly with depression especially when first arrived,thnk god all sorted now with the help of fab professionals over here and also had death of my mum whilst here.I have a fab hubby and 3 girls and love my family dearly and most of the time am good but at times it rears its ugly head again and then wish for the love and support of my family in Uk and the safety net of having them there.I went back to uk 3times in the first 18mths,and hoping to go back next sept for a family wedding and aslo going to Thailand in Feb.Like i say i have a good life and great family but miss my family and always will ,just need to learn how to deal with it better.Need some good,understanding friends who understand and dont make me feel like a freak,there must be some people who have similar feelings and not think that life here is perfect,still have same old **** just in nicer surrondings.Thanks for all advice.Sally/

[Guest mellymoo]

I know how you feel! we have been here 2 years now and absolutely love the lifestyle and the weather. But we still dont know whether we will be here forever yet. Some days we couldn't imagine being anywhere else and other days we miss home and our families. The first year was exciting visiting everywhere, but now its normal. As you still have to work etc. I would suggest take everyday as it comes and try and meet some people who are going through the same emotions. I was very homesick last week and felt down, but this week I feel alot better. I think its the warmer weather and sunshine. I really miss having close friends around. I have friends at work but it's not the same. Maybe we should arrange a meet up with a few people to have a good old rant together and get it off our chests hey !!!!!!!!!! Any suggestions?

[Lazy Cow]

Like i say i have a good life and great family but miss my family and always will ,just need to learn how to deal with it better.Need some good,understanding friends who understand and dont make me feel like a freak,/

 

Please don't ever let anyone make you feel like a freak just because you are not 100% happy here, that just sucks. I reckon it can be hardest when things happen - like the death of your Mum- which is usually the time you want your friends the most.

 

I can't offer you any advice really as I've been lucky but if I had to figure out why my family and I have been lucky and found home, I think I would put it down to luck, making new friends through children and volunteering and not thinking too hard about things. And I don't think there's anything wrong with you if you still miss family and friends, or even just life, in the UK.

 

Sounds like you've been pretty brave actually.

 

Good luck

LC

[Guest loopylisa]

You are definitely not a freak. Hope you are feeling ok at the moment. Its also good to hear you have had some good experiences of Australia's mental health system. I think sometimes when the sun is shining and weather is sweet you almost feel worse when you feel down, like you 'should' be happy because it is so perfect and lovely in Australia but in reality its not that easy. I think I always missed the UK when I was little growing up, missed big family xmas's etc and you have every right to be missing family.

 

Hope things continue to improve for you

[mummytummy]

Hi Sally, have pm'd you

[Guest micky-drip]

hi sally, i stumbled across this site and just had to join to let you know that i have been here for nearly 30 years and still hate it, its so hard when you come over as a couple and one of you likes it, if you have big families back home, you are just constantly thinking what you would be doing if you were there and i've always felt sorry for not giving my kids the chance to get to know their grandparents,aunties, uncles,cousins etc.... my brother died suddenly last week and to see all the comments on facebook from nephews and nieces in the uk saying how much they love and miss him breaks my heart because i got no reaction from my kids, its not because they are uncaring its just because he is a stranger to them, we have many friends from the uk who say i must be mad, i feel its too late for me now i feel responsible for my kids and cant dessert them even though they are adults but still at home, there is a dvd out called 7 pound poms, i think the library has a copy, there is a lady in there who felt the same as me and in her words she said now its time for me to live my life and she went back home i think she was about 70....so if you asked for my advise go home before its too late if i could turn back time my feet would stay firmly on uk soil......let me know if you want to catch up for a coffee and we can whinge together.....i

[Guest Timt0]

Be honest with yourself and your family and make a decision that is best for all of you, good luck

[Guest YorkieJAG]

hi sally, i stumbled across this site and just had to join to let you know that i have been here for nearly 30 years and still hate it, its so hard when you come over as a couple and one of you likes it, if you have big families back home, you are just constantly thinking what you would be doing if you were there and i've always felt sorry for not giving my kids the chance to get to know their grandparents,aunties, uncles,cousins etc.... my brother died suddenly last week and to see all the comments on facebook from nephews and nieces in the uk saying how much they love and miss him breaks my heart because i got no reaction from my kids, its not because they are uncaring its just because he is a stranger to them, we have many friends from the uk who say i must be mad, i feel its too late for me now i feel responsible for my kids and cant dessert them even though they are adults but still at home, there is a dvd out called 7 pound poms, i think the library has a copy, there is a lady in there who felt the same as me and in her words she said now its time for me to live my life and she went back home i think she was about 70....so if you asked for my advise go home before its too late if i could turn back time my feet would stay firmly on uk soil......let me know if you want to catch up for a coffee and we can whinge together.....i

 

Wow, that is depressing reading Micky-drip!! I am always homesick. I have just moved to Adelaide (Glenelg) due to Aussie hubby,s promotion at work, I have just met 1 friend from this site. Previous to that I was living in Melbourne, i arrived just b4 xmas 2008. I have been back to the UK (W/Yorkshire) a few times, as i have a large family that i really (no kids of my own tho). I have just got back from the UK after spending 3 months there, i was v/home sick b4 i left which affected my relationship wi the new hubby, he left the UK early and i changed my flight to a later date!! I miss the "Yorkshire culture thing" the scenery, and my close friends. I didnt think things were that bad when i was there, everyone was whingeing about everything going up in price, but i find Oz expensive, u could still get cheap stuff, i mean Primark, the pound shop!! They just take it all for granted, they are overloaded with choice and dont realise!! Well, i could whinge forever!!! P.s Sorry to hear about your brother that was terrible, hope you are ok. An elderly friend of the family died last week that really shocked me, i just expected to see her next June when iam returning to the UK for my brothers wedding. The hubby is only talking of staying a week tho, iam finkn more like 4/5wks!!!

[Guest YorkieJAG]

After reading my message back i realised i missed a very important word "miss" (as i have a large family that i really miss...thats what i should of typed!!)

[Guest guest1255]

Hi Sally Ive been here 2yrs and im still really struggling and missing home....my advice is to try keep busy and the more people you try meet the better (although it is hard to force yourself out there sometimes). chin up and im always happy to offer an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on.....you are definatley not alone xxx

tess

[Guest jaffa]

I have been here 13 years now with my hubby 48 and kids 22 and 18.It was fantastic watching the kids grow up in a safe and healthy environment. I love it here and our lifestyle but I know what you mean about missing family and friends. friends are just not the same as people who you grew up with.I have a few good friends here but it is hard you just have to put yourself out there.aussies aren't as social as Pommes though I don't think,well not in Adelaide anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks guys for the replies,was having a bad day and needed to sound off.

Adelaide has a better lifestyle for the children and we have had some great times here but just does'nt feel like home.

I miss family,close friends and the familiarity.I know quite a few people will feel the same way too and good to know i am not the only one.

Am in a better place today,the sun has been shining.Really appreciate all your messages.Sally

[Guest jaffa]

Perhaps we should have a get together somewhere down South. Catch up for a coffee one weekend and a chat. let me know anyone interested.

[Guest Lizzy]

Hi Sally,

 

Don't know where you are, exactly in Adelaide, but would love to meet up with you, although you are probably not feeling like this now ?

 

I have only been here 2 months so just felt it was me not giving it a 'fair go ' seriously hope i don't feel like this after 5 years !! My husband , little girl & even my older son has found work - they are all loving it, but i feel 'lost' am very close to my Mum, don't know how i ever thought leaving her was going to be a good idea - i used to talk to her every day & see her every week ! Also left behind my 21 year old son - Sooo painful !! Also didn't realise how EXPENSIVE cost of living is here ! financially i definitely should have stayed in the UK ! Determined to give it a proper crack though, but right now all i really wanted for Christmas was a plane ticket ! Hope you are now feeling better ?! could definitely 'feel' your pain Good Luck.

[Guest Lizzy]

Hi I'm feeling very homesick, but don't want to throw in the towel just yet , especially as everyone else seems to be settling really well, but if that offer of a coffee was still going , would love to , hopefully i won't be miserable company, i'm certainly trying to be positive ! I'm in Hallet Cove - not far from Happy Valley , my little girl is going to Pimpala primary - she loves it !