Homesick after just one week - is this normal?

[ladyarkles]

Yay! Glenelg sounds good.
We could all go for a lunch or something if you fancy it, Lucy.

There's all kinds of places to eat down here and during the week it's pretty quiet.
I love the Surf Club and find it really good value.

[Sallyh]

:D DH's comment (remember he's Australian!) when I said I'd written on a thread where someone was homesick and had been here a week.

"Try 3 years". (He had a smile on his face!).

Looks like I need to do a bit more encouraging in this house too!!!!!

[Lizzy]

Hi Lucy,

I've been here about 2 months , was fine, & all that you've said has now just hit me . I'm totally missimg my Mum I've also left a 21 year old son back in the Uk ! - what was i thinking ? I would be happy to meet you for a chat /coffee but don't know if i'd be more of a hinderence than a help ! but actually this seems a really good site & everyone else has been lovely & understanding & you realise you are not alone ! I'm hoping I don't still feel like this in a few months , but as we've rented our house out in the Uk til November am determined to hang in there til then ! by the way i'm in Hallet Cove - where are you ? Good Luck ! send you a big hug !!

[steveygee]

Yeah I felt like that too, still do to some extent but slowly getting there and I'm officially only here for a year(although it'll probs end up being longer if I can help it). Don't throw in the towel just yet! I have a few friends here I could hook you up with if you want to expand your circle :) They are a good bunch

[Royd]

Absolutely to be expected. I got off the ship as a 15 year old (I was transported out here by my family, I did not volunteer) and it took me probably two years to get over the homesickness. It was very alien in 1965, trust me, the word "backwoods" comes to mind. But people were very friendly and as soon as I got into sport (a must for a young bloke in a country school) I was quite happy. But even now, many years later, I still get the pangs but they're not as deep as they were. Main thing is to understand that it is - as everyone has posted - very, very normal and it is not a personal or character deficiency. Eventually you either settle or you simply have to return and that's probably a decision that makes itself. Anyway, best wishes to you and I hope the pangs do quieten down for you.

[lucy52]

wow - i didn't expect such a response. Thank you - that genuinely helps. Some really good ideas but mostly its nice to hear other people have felt the same thing. Thanks guys. xxxxxxxx

[lucy52]

Thank you for taking the time to send such a long and thoughtful message. I think part of the reason im struggling was that my heart has never been in the move. My other half is Australian and although he certainly hasnt forced me here or anything but he wanted to move as he had no job security over in the UK whereas i wasnt that long into a promotion id worked really hard to get. Im going to give it a good shot but I feel bereft and im struggling to remain positive which is completely unlike me normally. I'm going to try and use this site for advice/pick me ups/reassurance - thanks again for your thread :-) x

[snifter]

Thank you for taking the time to send such a long and thoughtful message. I think part of the reason im struggling was that my heart has never been in the move. My other half is Australian and although he certainly hasnt forced me here or anything but he wanted to move as he had no job security over in the UK whereas i wasnt that long into a promotion id worked really hard to get. Im going to give it a good shot but I feel bereft and im struggling to remain positive which is completely unlike me normally. I'm going to try and use this site for advice/pick me ups/reassurance - thanks again for your thread :-) x

The thing I've learnt in relationships with people from other countries is that unless you are totally committed to the move then usually things falter. Its very hard to move to a place for love if you at least don't like where you will be living, or if you are not really wanting to be there. Moving just because its where the other person wants to be is often hard work. You really do have to be able to like or love where you both live. If you are not happy with where you are living it can have a huge impact on other areas of your life, including your relationship.

It doesn't mean you won't come to like Adelaide a great deal in time but it might be hard work for a while. The shock of living somewhere else you didn't really want to be is a tough one to get over.

I'm lucky in that both hubby and I are equally at home between the UK and Aus. He's lived elsewhere overseas before we met, as did I. So we both know how it goes and what is involved in a Aus/UK relationship. We talked long and hard before we committed to each other and what it might mean for us in the future as a couple. And we agreed to support each other and decide what was best for us as we needed to. But we are both open to living in the others home country and don't struggle being away from our homes. Ultimately, unless you choose to live in a country not native to either of you (and this often works well I've found from experience) there is often one partner who will always have to be the one to move away from their home country to live in the other persons. Sometimes neither can agree and its very tough for both people. Other times, the move is made for whatever reasons.

It sounds to me that your partner needs to be in Aus atm for various reasons. Doesn't mean he is going to want or need to stay there forever or long term. He may be happy in a couple of years to head back to the UK or elsewhere. You may find you settle and adapt well and are happy to stay longer term. Don't treat it like this is it forever or else you'll make it all feel so bleak. Look on it as a bit of an adventure, life experience and something to try for a couple of years supporting your OH and his needs/wants. And encourage in him a bit of give and take thinking and the understanding that couples from different countries may move around between them and not to close the door on the UK in the future.

Please feel free to drop me a PM to chat anytime :)

[loopylisa]

Very normal. I was depressed for weeks when I got here. Hated our house. No job. I moved here to be with my partner who would never move to the UK. It was very tough on our relationship but things are much better now I am working and we are in a new unit. Allow yourself time to orientate. You have to learn lots of new things and this takes lots of mental and emotional energy. One thing that helped me was finding places and things I liked, like finding a nice salon to do my nails. My situation is a little different as I spent some time here when I was younger but Adelaide still sometimes feels like a shoe half a size too small. I don't know when it will be different but I take it a day at a time. Pm me if you need to chat:) :D

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