Homesick after just one week - is this normal?

[lucy52]

I moved to Adelaide a week ago from the UK with my fiance who is originally from here. On paper it looks great, we both have good jobs where as in the UK he was recently made redundant but im incredibly homesick after only a week and am really worried this is how its going to be long term. I miss my family terribly and feel like a fish out of water. Would be nice to hear some reassurance that this is normal as at the minute im starting to think ive made a huge mistake. Any advice/thoughts/personal experiences gratefully received.

[snifter]

Totally normal. Especially after only a week. I think its bound to hit you hard at first. If you've never been to Adelaide before, or Aus, then you have to adjust to things for a while. Even if you have been there before, the reality of living there is going to feel very different to holiday mode. I think you are probably feeling rather overwhelmed about the move and therefore its adding to the feelings of homesickness. If you were only there on holiday you'd not be feeling that way I'd wager.

I think once you get your bearings, find your way round, make a few friends and start to explore a bit you'll feel more settled. Don't dwell on this move being forever or spend too long bringing yourself down with the 'what have I done' thoughts. Try to focus and be positive, give things a chance and don't allow yourself to wallow in the homesickness too much, otherwise it just takes over and then you are on a losing one IMO as once you let the rot set in, it rarely then finds a way to be stopped as things fester and can just seem worse.

Were you close to your family and friends in the UK? If so, again, big adjustments to be made and get used to. It all takes time. Sort out Skype so you can do that once a week and then there is FB and emails also. But don't rely on them too much or make it the be all and end all. Sometimes if you spend too long hankering on what you left behind, you end up losing sight of all the reasons you made the move.

Talk to your partner, let him know how you are feeling and give yourself a chance to just get over jetleg and adjust to the differences.

Were you totally committed to the move? Or were you wavering and have given it a go to see if you like it? I think moving anywhere overseas takes a big resolve on occasion and determination and sheer bloodymindedness thrown in. Its not going to be like the UK and there will be some things that will jar and other things will feel more natural and more comfortable. But try to go with the flow, relax a little and don't fret that just because its all been rather overwhelming the first week you are always going to feel that way. It could take a few months, 6, maybe a year before you truly find your feet. if you like Adelaide, can find positives and work is good, give things a chance and allow yourself time to build a life. It doesn't happen overnight and takes real time and effort to get a foot in the door. Be persistent and accept there are going to be some tough times and some good ones.

If things really don't work in the longer term for you in Aus, you can always look into moving back to the UK in a year or two, but give yourself a fair chance to make a go of it there, especially if your partner is from there as I am sure he'll help you find your feet. My hubby is from Adelaide and we are moving back soon. We are both really happy to go so its not an issue for me, moving there and starting over. I know what to expect in terms of how I'll cope and feel as I've lived overseas for a long while in the past and know how I get on with it.

Deep breaths, relax and try to not focus on what you've left behind but what is in front of you. Feel free to PM if you ever want to chat :)

[sasha willis]

Hi Lucy

shame we are not there yet we would have come round and took you out for dinner and cheered you up , chin up lucy thing will be ok im sure

[wizzywozza]

I'm still homesick.


I've been here 21 years.

[Tina P]

Me to - I've been here 4.5 yrs. It was terrible when I first arrived but I know its better here for my daughters, if we didn't have kids I'm not sure if we would have stayed ? I look back and know I was awful to live with, my hubby and kids also remember it - I was so nasty.

Making friends did help a lot though.

No one can describe how it feels, especially someone who hasn't felt it. I do hope it gets better for you.

Tina

[ladyarkles]

Don't be too hard on yourself.
Like Snifter says, give yourself a bit of time to adjust.
You may well still be jetlagged; they say it takes one day to recover for every hour's time difference.
So, after 10 and a half days (?!?) you should start to feel better.

Go and do some nice stuff for yourself; get to the cinema, have a pedicure, come and sit down by the beach and have an ice-cream.
You are not on holiday, it's true, but that doesn't mean you don't need to treat yourself to a couple of nice experiences.
Most importantly, do tell your partner how you are feeling, get it all talked out between you. That way you can support each other during the bad days.

Hope you start to feel less disorientated soon.

~ Rachel xx

[cazzie]

Totally, totally normal for some of us. I felt exactly like you and reading your post brings it all back. I was desperately upset and wanted to go home and almost booked a flight home a few times. However, two years down the line, you will probably feel quite at home but you have to give it time. When my OH came here 20 years ago, he felt at home immediately and never missed the UK for one second. I did not feel anything like that.
I would advise you to go out there and get to know the area well, enjoy the sunshine and beaches while you can and get out and about meeting people. There will be plenty of meet ups on here and people your age to befriend. Try to be positive and these feelings will gradually change. Good luck.

[Sallyh]

Firstly I would say that jetlag can do funny things to you emotionally and some of the fish out of water thing may be still getting over the jetlag. I'd say drink lots and lots of water, get lots of fresh air (and sun, when it comes out again!) and look after yourself physically. Moving takes so much out of you.

Then I will say that the first time I came to Adelaide even for a holiday I also felt like a fish out of water. Hard to explain written down but I know exactly what you mean. Go for lots of drives around, exploring, try going up in the Adelaide hills for a drive, see more things that put the city and suburbs into context.

I don't think I have ever been "homesick" - been here 3 1/2 yrs and my DH is from adelaide and we have both had to get used to slotting back in with family etc - a family that closed up the gap that DH left when he came to England for 10 years and its still really hard - we still feel like outsiders. But I regularly used to have "Australia tantrums" !!!! I have sworn I won't have them any more because they don't make life easier for us and it can drag DH down even though on paper he is officially "home". But when life is hard, things go wrong, or we are sick - its hard without our own support network, the one that we had in England and based our married and family life around. THat has changed gradually. I think this third year was the one where there has been a bit of a changeover -we now have a good support network (mainly friends with a bit of family thrown in) and that is something that "grows" rather than appears overnight.

I don't know if you go to church, or would ever consider it. THat is a great place to be accepted immediately and have emotional and practical support offered in a way not many other groups of people will. Also PIA may well net you some good friends in similar circumstances who have all been through similar feelings moving home.

Be kind to yourself, don't feel as though you have to put a brave face on it and bottle up how you are feeling, but look at the same time for practical things you can do and ways you can try to counteract the feelings. I'd say you need to think in stages - have goals and things you are working towards, and reassess periodically how you are going. Maybe set yourself a goal of 3 months to look again at how far you've come, and what your goals will be for the following 3 mths.

Has your fiancee got old friends he can reconnect with? How long has he been away? Its going to be a different and difficult road for him too, as it has been my DH, but there will be old friends who will instantly become really brilliant friends once more, and other old friends who he will realise are not going to be close friends for the future. We've taken about 3 years to get to the place where we have worked all that out, and its been a brave decision to let go of some, and others (female friends he had at school) who I've nicked off him and who I talk to almost daily! :)

[soo_the_panda]

Totally normal!! Dont' be so hard on yourself - a week is nothing!
And let me know if you fancy a coffee or wine and a chat sometime - I'm in Glenelg xx

[Sallyh]

oh and where are you based? PIA members may be able to make suggestions for you about what's round and about / could arrange a meetup.