I have posted once before. I am 35, married for 14 years and we have 3 children (12, 11 and 9). We have thought about moving to Australia alot since we had children but as I was close to my family I said there was no way I could leave them. Then 2 years ago my world fell apart. In 2012 my brother became ill with some serious mental health issues. He suffered horrific anger and attacked my husband and soon after attempted to do the same to me. He had been unwell for years but never a danger. Since that day I cut my brother out of my life, he has apologised and is full of regret now he is feeling better and stable but I won't let him near me or my children. Since those instances I have suffered anxiety, so severe that in 2013 I had agoraphobia and was unable to leave my home. I had panic attacks even at home and my life was hellish. I am now feeling much better. I am happy and as a family we are so much closer (myself, hubby and kids). We only have contact with my Mum as I was resented by my sisters for not forgiving my brother so I took the decision to walk away from them too as the stress was causing my anxiety to make me so unwell.
Since having my anxiety I have had a huge fear of going abroad on holiday so we just holiday in the UK. I don't know why but the agoraphobia I guess still lingers some what. I now have a huge fear of flying especially long haul so I keep thinking Australia?? there's no way I could do it, I'd have a huge panic attack on the plane. I don't like flying but it's more a fear of being trapped and unable to get out. It's a long flight. If I could click my fingers and be there instantly I would so that tells me I really do want to make this move and I know my husband wants to do it more than anything. He thinks we deserve a fresh start.
I don't think it's running away as we have wanted to move for years but now my family circumstances have changed and i feel there is nothing keeping us here other than our children being settled in school with good friends, I think now I'd love to go but the fear of flying because of my panic attacks travelling long haul I swear it's all that's stopping me from saying to hubby yes lets do it. Other than the plane journey I know it's what I want to do. I so wish I could open my eyes tomorrow and be there, I would be fine. I think my children deserve the best and a fresh start I know would do us all the world of good. Things have never been the same since what happened with my extended family and I feel kind of trapped here right now. I guess what's happened has made me want to emigrate even more as I have been through alot and appreciate life so much more having suffered anxiety and agoraphobia. Life is precious and I don't want to have any regrets. I have had CBT and done really well, I feel good but the anxiety about being trapped in a plane still lingers and if I imagine a plane journey I see myself having a huge panic infront of everyone on the plane, lol! It's my worst nightmare.
Hubby has stopped mentioning Australia now but I know he is really sad that last year I said I couldn't do it. It's been his dream for a long time. I think he deserves it as he only has his father in his life and he feels he has no ties here now and wants to give us all a better life. He is a Quantity Surveyor and has had 2 opportunities of work in Australia but he has turned them down because I said I couldn't give him his dream. I felt terrible for doing that.
Our children are getting older and as time passes they have said they wouldn't want to leave their friends so that does concern me, I wouldn't want to upset them either.
Sorry for rambling. I just needed to get out how i feel. I guess noone can make this decision easier for me. It's something I need to man up and face myself ;-)