Been here a week, OH going home... what to do?

[Guest yogiyoung]

Can't quite believe what I'm about to write in my first post here... but here goes. After 18 months of planning and waiting we finally arrived in Adelaide a week ago. Only for my OH to tell me within 4 days that he didn't want to be in Australia and more importantly doesn't want to be with me either... he's planning on flying home by next weekend, and meanwhile I'm trying to get my head round not only the fact that my world has come crashing down but also decide whether I get that flight back home too...

 

I know nobody can tell me what to do and I'm not after relationship advice, just practicalities of staying here on my own, knowing no-one... my instinct is telling me to get on that plane but part of me is also wondering if I really should give up on my dream?

 

Any advice much appreciated and as I say, sorry that my first post makes somewhat depressing reading.

 

Thanks for reading x

[ozzieclare2be]

are you here on pr or temporary? do u have kids etc?

[Guest yogiyoung]

on a temporary 475 and no kids

[ozzieclare2be]

are you the visa holder? If so then there is no reason you couldnt stay but would you want to with little or no support network? I guess you have to way up the odds of whats right for you, its difficult situation. If your the type of person who makes friends easy and think you could enjoy life here alone then go for it.

[Guest the4hopes]

Live your dream, there are plenty of people here to become friends with, you came here to make a change in your life, it is just a bit different now to how you expected, it will be difficult but also great fun and such a challenge. As you said its taken 18 months! Be strong! There are many opportunities here and make the most of it. Think of yourself and what you want. Hope I dont sound too harsh, you will obviously have a lot of emotions to go through for a long time. Hope you make the choice that is right for you.

Laura x

[Rachiegarlo]

It is easier I think if you have no dependents on the visa you are on. Sit down and have a think about why coming here is your dream.

What did you want to achieve?

What did you leave in the UK and what will you be going back to?

Can you get work here?

Could you give it a year and see how you feel and where you are placed then?

 

If you are still positive about being in Aus then as a single person you can gain a lot. Lots of single people travel and work in other countries. Sometimes you can get to know people and settle faster because you only have yourself to worry about.

 

I'm sorry you are having upheavals. I can only say stress does some funny things to people sometimes. Good luck with your choice and if you end up staying be assured there are plenty of people out there who will give you a hand if they can. You only have to let em know.

[Guest majortom]

I think you have asked part of your question yourself, by posting on here !!!

 

My guess is that deep down you want to stay here, so give it a go, what have you got to lose.

 

Obviously Im a total stranger to you and don't know your circumstances, but I do reckon that you want to stay. Make sure you stay for the right reasons, that way your gonna have a good life here.

 

Good luck to you yogiyoung, Im sure you'll get a lot of support here. And it could be a great place to make some lasting friendships.

[Flutterby]

Wow, that is some bombshell. I can't imagine how you must feel.

 

I know (through a friend) a couple who emigrated to Perth a couple of years ago and a month or so after they arrived the wife decided that she didn't want to be with her husband anymore but was going to stay in Oz with or without him. He tried to stay but ultimately it was a dream that they had together and if they weren't going to do it together he decided that it wasn't the right thing for him anymore. I think that my point is, was it your dream to come to Oz or a dream for the two of you?

 

Apart from that I think I would be thinking on a practical level, do you have enough funds to do it on your own now (as I guess your money is joint), do you have a job lined up or think you can get one fairly quickly? I think if I was going to stay I would be trying to find a room in a shared house in a fairly lively suburb with plenty going on like Glenelg to try and meet people and get a social life which will be important to you to settle in on your own.

 

Good luck to you, I think I would stay and at least give it a try on my own. Although that is easy to say as you are probably having a very tough time now.

[suzer]

Give yourself some time to make your decision. Get out and do some things, as hard as it may be, in the meantime. What horrible timing on his part:/ Perhaps part of it, on his part, is just culture shock and he may be able to hang in there a bit longer, even if he needs to live apart from you for now?

[Guest cazzie]

Just to say how sorry I am to hear your news and I can only imagine how you might be feeling. It's very difficult to offer constructive advice when the full circumstances are not known, so I would just like to wish you lots of luck whatever you decide to do. The possibilities are endless, especially as you don't have children and if you need friends or want contact with people, just post a thread and people will be there for you. All the best.

[Guest yogiyoung]

Thanks all for your words of wisdom. Some really positive stuff on here for me to think about.

To answer a couple of questions;

 

Financially I am fine - house sale before the crash, and redundancy pay so no problems there.

Work-wise is where I may be struggling as we were going to set up a freelance publishing / marketing company but with only my half of the skills this will not work. And have only applied for 1 job before we came and not heard anything back. And not seen anything else to apply for.

 

So I guess my worry is that although I can support myself right now, am I just delaying the inevitable and will have to go home anyway through lack of work... very defeatist I know, but am feeling rather negative right now!

 

it has always been my dream to come to Oz since I first came back-packing many years ago. But having said that I would never have come here alone, so it does all seem a bit hollow now.

 

Lots to think about, thanks again for all your help x

[jo_marnes]

Oh my gosh, what a nightmare for you. I found the whole thing hard enough without having relationship breakdowns! You must be in turmoil.

 

Still, as another person said - the fact that you are on this site means something in itself. You clearly want to be here and it is more a matter of whether you can cope being here without friends and family at this difficult time. If you think you can then go for it! You can always go back to the UK at a later date. Or maybe your OH will go home and come to his senses and come back! People here will always try and help you. Good luck with your decision.

 

Jo xxx

[Guest kangomik]

is this not just a really bad case of jet lag?

 

I cannot imagine what your going through.

[Guest majortom]

Hey yogiyoung 11 replies in less than 2 hours, that's what this site is all about .....helping each other out.Got some good people out there.

 

Good Luck again

[Guest yogiyoung]

If only it was jet-lag... don't want to go into relationship details on a public forum but no, it's more than that.

[Guest guest569]

Sorry to read about your situation.

Don't worry about not knowing anyone here as thats how the majority of us were when we arrived.

good luck with your decision !!!

[Guest ems]

Hi Yogiyoung.

So sorry to hear about your situation so soon after arriving. As people have said take some time to think about what you really want to do. As this is your dream you may be able to make it work by yourself if that's what you really want. I'm not saying it's easy by yourself but there are many people here who will help you out and plenty of support. I have been here nearly 3 months and met some great people through PIA. I have come with my daughter so i must admit i don't really have time to feel lonely (with looking after her and work) but i will say i think that is also mainly due to PIA as well.

Good luck with your decision and if you want to meet up or just have a chat send me a PM and we can sort something out.

Take care.x

[HEAPS GOOD !!!]

Sorry to read about your situation.

Don't worry about not knowing anyone here as thats how the majority of us were when we arrived.

good luck with your decision !!!

 

Thats is some seriously crazy XXXX, i would say stay here, and try and find A job any job just to get some cash coming in.

 

Say give it 6 months or so and see how you feel, there are some great people on here who go out of their way to help people, offer advice and generally listen to what guys have to say.

 

If it was me i would try my hardest to make it work and make sure that other half knows its working.

 

check out the uaual jobsites seek.com.au careerone.com.au there are stacks of them out there.

 

i hope it works out for you...

 

IF IT WAS YOUR DREAM TO COME HERE, THEN DNT LET SOMEONE TAKE THAT DREAM AWAY !!!!

 

P.S could it possibly be the shick of reality, has it finallt sunk in what he has done maybe...

 

Good luck.....guys are always here to lend an ear to.

[Guest Libby1971]

Give me a couple of days to recover from ebing ill and then I'll put the kettle on. Let me know when you want a cuppa. I might even get the posh biccies out!!!!!

 

I can't even begin to imagine how you are feeling. Right now, there is a way forward whether that is here or there. Give yourself some time and you'll see it.

 

Take care:wubclub:

[Guest back clan]

What an awful situation to be in.

I would give it a go and at least stay for a while to see if things work out for you. As you can see from the response on PIA there is plenty of people over in Adelaide to give you some support and I am sure you will make friends.

Your OH must have had some doubts before he got there but you have to live your life. Good luck whatever you decide

[kizzy]

Thats is some seriously crazy XXXX, i would say stay here, and try and find A job any job just to get some cash coming in.

 

Say give it 6 months or so and see how you feel, there are some great people on here who go out of their way to help people, offer advice and generally listen to what guys have to say.

 

If it was me i would try my hardest to make it work and make sure that other half knows its working.

 

check out the uaual jobsites seek.com.au careerone.com.au there are stacks of them out there.

 

i hope it works out for you...

 

IF IT WAS YOUR DREAM TO COME HERE, THEN DNT LET SOMEONE TAKE THAT DREAM AWAY !!!!

 

P.S could it possibly be the shick of reality, has it finallt sunk in what he has done maybe...

 

Good luck.....guys are always here to lend an ear to.

Hi

 

I don't think anyone can imagine what you are going through unless it has happened to them but I totally agree with Heaps Good - don't let him take your dream away without at least giving it a go - if it doesn't work out you can always come back to the UK. You never know what the future holds.

 

Good luck in whatever you decide.

 

Tracey

[Guest The Pottertons]

Wow, thats really crap! But as others have said maybe staying for some time and giving yourself a chance far outways going home so soon. Is there anything to lose by staying, i really hope you find the right answer and whether home is Oz or the U.K (its another dreary and rainy bank holiday here by the way) I hope you find contentment! Good Luck and take care........i think a trip to mclaren vale is what you need right now!!!!!! Yvonne xx

[Boxertony]

What a nightmare for you to go through and especially on your own. Well I can only advise you from a man's point of view, which is not always ideal. If he does not want to be in Australia and/or with you then there is nothing much you can do about this. So being female and being the the stronger sex, which us blokes hate saying it, but you women are. You have to put yourself first and do what is right by you and you alone. If it was your dream to emigrate to Australia and you was the drive behind the 18 month process of the stressful visa application, then in my opinion you should at least give it some time to try it alone. It should be easier with you being single and not so many ties apart from the emotional ones at this moment in time. If you go back to the UK, it may be a constant reminder that your relationship ended sadly. Being in Australia, will help you get over your current upset and will positively make you move onwards and upwards in your life. Sort out the finances you have with your partner, so you are not left with no money. I understand that that you intial gut feeling is to go running back home. But just give it some time, there is no harm in attempting a new life for you in Australia, there is an apportunity here for you, most people have been hurt by previous relationships and I bet that a lot of people would have loved your opportunity to move onwards with their life as quickly as your opportunity will help you.

 

Finally if I was you, I would think of myself only, get yourself out and about, put yourself in the shop window, go out of your way to make new friends, ask people on this chat forum to meet up with you, look for work. Keep yourself busy. Give yourself a target date to sort out what to do, don't go back to UK immediately. Just imagine going back to live with your family, home to bad weather, no job, Australia dream shattered, people asking lots of questions about your relationship, wondering what your husband is up to. Australia is definitely for you. Sometimes strangers just know best because they are not emotionallty involved and think of more practicalities than the emotional turmoil you are going through. Remember he may go back to the UK and of course he will know how amazing Australia is and the opportunities out there for you. He will regret it and come running back to you like a lost puppy.

[suzer]

Don't think just yet that you can't find a job. What have you done before? Even if you can get into long term temp work that might help, if you have office skills, and that might be best as if you have a crap day you can call off, bc it's only temp work;)

 

No one's going to judge you on your relationship either. No one is perfect, including our other halfs. It's just rotten timing, but you might surprise yourself by how you come through on the other side.

[Guest caoimhe]

I don't have much to add as I think you have been given a lot of good advice already, but a relationship break up is very hard to recover from at anytime but its obviously worse for you being in a strange place. Don't rush into any decisions as I'm sure your emotions are all over the place right now, take some time here to see if you can make it work on your own and give yourself a chance to recover from the hurt.

Good luck with whatever you decide and remember there really is a lot of people on here willing to help in anyway they can.