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Guest mOZzy

why we love children

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    Guest mOZzy

    WHY WE LOVE CHILDREN

     

    A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. She asked him

    if it was dead or alive.

    "Dead." She was informed.

    "How do you know?" she asked her pupil.

    "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,"

    answered the child innocently.

    "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.

    "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and

    went Psst!' and it didn't move."

    ______________________________________________

     

    A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later....

    "Da-ad...."

    "What?"

    "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No.

    You had your chance. Lights out."

    Five minutes later:

    "Da-aaaad....."

    "WHAT?"

    "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"

    "I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"

    Five minutes later......

    "Daaaa-aaaad....."

    "WHAT!"

    "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"

    _____________________________________________

     

    One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a

    mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light

    when he asked with a tremor in his voice,

    "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"

    The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said.

    "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."

    A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:

    "The big sissy."

    ______________________________________________

     

    When I was six months pregn ant with my third child,

    my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to

    get into the shower.

    She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"

    I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy"

    I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"

    ______________________________________________

     

    A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,

    "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son

    of a bitch is nine...."

    His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"

    The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."

    "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.

    "Yes," he answered.

    Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you

    teaching my son in math?"

    The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."

    The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that

    son of a bitch is four?"

    After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,

    "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

    ______________________________________________

     

    One day the first grade teacher was reading the

    story ofChicken Little to her class. She came to the part

    of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.

    She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer

    and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The

    teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think the farmer

    said?"

    One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said:

    'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"

    The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

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    Guest ice

    reading them really cheered me up

     

    welldone and thank you

     

    Ice

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    Guest dale_jo@

    Had a Horribly busy day to-day got on the site and read this beside my daughter making custard. VERY FUNNY!!!!!!

    Especially the one re-mum with the big but!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

     

     

    HEE HEE

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    Guest ali@51

    I have a couple to add to this curtesy of Megan.

     

    1.When megan was about 2 my MIL came to visit she has never really aproved of me and me persuading her son to move 1/2 way round the world hasnt helped. Any way Meggie was on the floor inbetween us and she happend to pump. I looked at her and said , as mums do."what do you say megan" She replyed "Ifarted" I beg your pardon I said and she repeated it in a very clear two year old voice" Mummy I said I FARTED were u not listening?"

     

    2.At round about the same age Megan started to ask what the funny lummps on Mummys chest were. Being nice and Mature I said they are boobies Megan and it wasnt Mentioned again. Untill we were in Morrisons a week or so lator and we were passed by a rather overwight man> at this point in time Megan stood up in the trolly and shoted as loudly as she could Mummy look that mans got boobies just like you!!!!!!!!!!!!. we seemed to bump in to him in every Isle of that supermarket and Megan never leaves anything alone. So he must have heard but Mummy he has got muffle muffel every time he saw us as Megan always seemed to spot him befor me.

     

    3. this one wasnt really my fault It was caused by a freind who has rather coulorfull language and in the pressence of Megan she had used the fraze "greedy bitch" only once and she Imidiatly appologized. However a few weeks lator we were caravaning in wales and had the pleasure of going to Pete's Eats in llandulass. We all had the mixed grill an Megan couldnt finnish hers so I asked if she would mind if I ate a few of her chips. You can imagin what she said then???????? It was allmost worth it to see the look on Morgans face. as he said did she say what I thought she said???????? However it did not make up for the looks we got from the other costomers around us who had also heard said fraze comming out of a 3year olds mouth Oh the shame!!!!!!!!!!

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    Guest Aussiebound

    Really like them, especially the maths one. Keep them coming!

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    Guest happy-jools

    Brilliant. You can always rely on the children. Little treasures (did I say treasures!!!;))

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