Guest Laurie

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    Guest Laurie

    A few weeks ago my mum and dad told me were moving to oz! I really dont want to go!

    Im nearly 17 just started college and have an amazing boyfriend and loads of friends!

    they say its for a better life but i think their just thinking of my younger brothers! Is anyone else in this situation?

    Laurie

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    When I started to read this thread I thought it was my daughter who had wrote this. Like you my daughter is nearly 17 yrs old and has been dating her boyfriend for over a year and my daughter is doing well in hairdressing apprenticeship. As her Father I have said the same thing to her regarding it's for a better life in Australia. I have told my daughter to give it three years until we get Permanent Residency and she will be 21yrs old then. If she does not like Adelaide then she can go back to the UK. Why three yrs, it's so my daughter when she is older and may be married even have children she could return to Australia with her family without the hassle if she wishes to do so.

     

    As her single parent Father for the past 16 years I have tried my best to do what is right for her and I completely understand where both my daughter and you are coming from and if I was in your position I would feel the same. We hate saying it but tend to know best. I do feel what you and my daughter are going through but after three months in Australia I just know that you two will love Australia.

     

    However life is for living and you need to experience different things in your life and I have the same feelings and thoughts as your parents have. You will not like this like my daughter does not like to hear from me us that you have all your life ahead of you and there will be many many boyfriends in your life before you meet the right one. Once you have gained friends in Adelaide you will be sorted. The opportunities are much more better in Australia than the UK.

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    Guest TRIMIX

    On the other hand you are nearly 18 and an adult in your own right, at 16 years of age you can choose where and who you live with. If you feel mature enough then go it alone.

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    Under the Childrens Act (1989). The Law states your parents have legal jurisdiction until a child reaches the age of 18 years old. Just give it a go in Australia and if you honestly believe once you have experienced what Australia has that it is not right for you and you are self sufficient and over 18 yrs old then it's time to return to the UK. This what my daughter and I have agreed to.

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    Guest graandjac

    ;)I recon nearly every teenager has felt or does feel the same as you do. It was a meet up in Crawley when we met our now great friends and neighbours Steve and Tracey.

    At the meet up their daughter Amy (16then) sat there with a slapped ass :biglaugh:for a face saying "i dont want to go to oz" for the whole afternoon, she had heaps of friends and a long time fella. It took some time but now she loves it here has a new botfriend and lots of very good friends. We know another 2 teenage kids who all felt the same but now love it here.

     

    Believe in your parents who only want the best for you I promise, at your age boyfriends come and go and it wont be long before you have some aussie surf dude as your new boyfriend. It will be tough:sad:but worth it . hgood luck

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    Guest guest569

    What would i give to go back 25 yrs and be your age again BUT HERE !!!!!

    I enjoyed my 20's and 30's in the UK but believe me this place would winn hands down !!!!!!!:notworthy:

    Give it a go and like said by others, you can always return in4yrs ( i believe ) with citizenship so you can come and go as you please with your future family.

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    Guest TRIMIX

    Not quite true on the childrens act, if you are mature enough then go it alone. If not go with your parents. Either way it is your choice.

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    Guest Libby1971

    Read it once and kept quiet, read it a second time and now can't...

     

    TRIMIX what are you doing encouraging a child to move out and go it alone, knowing her major support network is moving to the other side of the world? Are you completely mad?

     

    :err::confused:

     

    I know she's angry and upset, but there are other options to suggest. Moving out is not one of them at this stage, perhaps when all other options are exhausted but not the first choice!

     

    FFS

     

    Laurie, Hang in there. Your parents love you, and yes it seems sh*tty now, but give them a chance to say more. Ask them questions calmly about where they think you will end up living and have a look around the area. I know a family where the son, aged 16 was soooo angry he came with them to validate his visa and then left after a week. He then came back again for a holiday, and is now trying to move back again without losing face! He loves his mum and knows what they were trying to say to him a couple of years ago but can't face the thought of telling them they were right!!

     

    In the meantime, yes you're angry, and you have every right to be. When I moved my then 13 year old daughter here, blimey, she made my life hell, and I was devastated. Watching her say goodbye to her friends, well, it was horrible. Just awful...

     

    thinking of you :wubclub:

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    Hear hear to everything Libby said.

     

    Good on ya Laurie for coming onto the forum and asking the question. It's not easy for anyone moving to the other side of the world, and particularly in your case where you have great mates, a great boyfriend and have just started college! How about treating it as a bit of an extended holiday to start with though? If the friends and boyfriend are worth keeping, then you'll stay in touch with them, they can come visit you, and who knows what might happen in the future? I actually had a holiday without my folks in Australia when I was 16 - it was mindblowing!!

     

    When I was your age, a lot of friends were off to Uni, or planning to take a year or two off and go travelling - it's something I didn't do at the time and regretted big time! They take a gap year or two, and come back having had the most amazing experiences. In your case, you're kind of getting half the trip sorted for you by your parents moving out here. Why not come out, give it a try, and see how it goes? I guess that's all they're asking of you. In a year or two, you may have settled or you may want to go back, but you won't really be any worse off than someone who's been euro-railing round Europe for a couple of years, you'll have made some new friends, seen some new places, and tried some new things.

     

    Give it a go, see how it goes. Your folks are probably secretly traumatized by the whole thing too, but perhaps it's time to stick together as a family, and face it together, knowing that you can keep in touch with your mates and b/f easily enough while you're doing it, and as I say, if they're true friends, they'll still be there for you even if you're on the other side of the world.

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    Guest Nicky&Andy

    my oldest son will be 18 in dec, he too is adement he is not comming with us, i keep telling him just come and stay long enough to get citizan ship, then come and go as you please, but no . he's a teenager and he know's best, it will brake my heart to leave him behind,and put a big strain on setteling in oz , knowing he is in the uk,

    any real friends & boyfriends will wait for your return, get your citizan ship, youve nothing to loose, who knows , he may want to join you eventually,

    (i dont want my son to fail in life ,but hope fully he will miss us too much, & realise the cost of living without the bank of mum & dad will guide him back to us)

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    Well said to both Libby and Diane, as mentioned in my thread I am currently going through the exact dilemma with my nearly 17 year old daughter. It's so hard to get the young people to understand and like myself its so heartbreaking that in a way we are taking the children away from from their comfort blanket, which to them is their friends. How I have handled is I mentioned to my daughter please give it a go for at least 3 yrs till you get PR and then she will be 21 yrs old and hopefully more mature by then. The reason for PR is that the process of coming and going to UK and Australia is made much more easier. For the rest of my daughter's life and for her children if she has them. As parents we are very aware that young people tend to find it more easier to socialise and meet new friends and we all know underneath that this is just a blip in their lives.

     

    Finally she agreed to go to Adelaide, was after I mentioned to her that have I ever made a bad judgement in relation to her life and I promised her that if she does not like it then I will personally give her the money to return to the UK, soon as she reaches 18 yrs old.

     

    Encouraging her to stay at home is totally wrong!

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    Also Laurie, just wanted to add, I know you've got the boyfriend thing sorted but when I came out here on that aforementioned holiday at 16, the aussie boys I met all told me they found an English accent really sexy...!!!!! I'd never had so many boys hanging on my every utterance.....

     

    (Funnily enough, since coming back here at the age of 40 no-one's told me the same, but hey, what can I say?! Perhaps they're holding back, put off by the husband and kids I now have in tow....)

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    Guest Libby1971

    :biglaugh::biglaugh:

     

    You are so right about the accent! I rang a builders about extensions and the bloke on the phone told me to read the phone book to him, anything just so long as I kept talking coz he loved the accent

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    Guest Laurie

    yeh i understand what everyone is saying but why cant i just have a normal life and stay where i am! all of my friends mums and dads dont tell them theyve got to go and live in australia!

    i dont want to tell my mum and dad how much i hate the idea because their so excited and have payed a lot of money for the agent and things!

    i have been to australia to see my dads uncle 2 years ago in adelaide it was nice but i didnt love it! i love london and fashion and things and adelaide seems a tiny bit behind (no offence sorry)

    my dad said flagstaff hill is where were getting a rental but i dont know where we will live, it isnt even near the beach or the city!!

    yeh i see what you mean about pr but i dont want to interupt my college, im at a sixth form now so i couldnt go back in a few years and i would be really behind all my friends would be at uni and i would have no a levels!!

    yessss hot surfers but just isnt worth it!

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    Guest Libby1971

    EXACTLY what my daughter said to me in her more calm moments. In her less calm ones, she said an awful lot more. Have you seen the first series of Wanted Down Under and then the revisited? We were on that series and you can see my daughter's point of view...she said in the first programme 'I know it is Dad's dream but it's not mine and I don't want to upset him'. Just over a year later, she said 'Don't tell Dad but he might have been right'. But that is her.

     

    You can have a normal life. Think of it as a gap year a bit early. If you take a few months out to try it, you could always work ahead using the books you have got and submit tasks and do practice questions and email it to someone. What subjects are you doing? Yes you can come back to it later. I did my Alevels when I was 25 and went to uni when I was 27. I admit that my friends from when I was 16 no longer were there but by that time, I was only talking to one of them anyway and in fact by the time I was 18, I was only talking to 3 of the people from when I had been 16. And universities love it that you have more to say thtn 'last year I was at the same school I've been at for years'

     

    All of your friends mums and dads don't want to go to Australia. Right now. But who knows where they'll end up. Some of your friends will move away to university, not all the same one. Some of your friends will move because they don't want to stay or because their parents want to move - a boy I used to teach has had to move with his father to York when his previous school was in Oxfordshire. He has started a new school for his A levels. And he had no idea at all about that until after his GCSEs.

     

    Yes it must feel like I am patronising you. I apologise. But I have been where your mum and dad are. It is horrendous. Yes money has been spent and your parents are trusting you to do the right thing for all of you. Yes you could stay. You could try it and then discuss with your parents - look I tried for you, it is not working out etc.

     

    I taught a couple of children who had moved from Australia. The eldest girl was in her first year of sixth Form and she was NOT happy one bit. However, she had come, and tried it for 6 months. At the end, she told her father that she loved him, and would have stayed but found it expensive. She went back and lived with her mum. If you stay, who would you live with? You cannot stop your parents going. It would not be fair to them. They have invested time, effort and money to try for a better life. It may not work out for any of you - not everyone stays here. Maybe you should just try.

     

    Flagstaff Hill admittedly is not right on the sea front but few people here can afford the prices of those houses unless they are very fortunate. But it is about 15 mins away and buses are easy to get to which will take you there shortly. Adelaide is a bit behind the times but that is part of its charm. But Australia is a big country - part of South Australia is the same size as France and Germany put together. Melbourne is the shopping capital of Australia and flights there can be as little as $50 in a bargain; flights to Sydney and Perth and Brisbane are not hugely expensive either so you could go there and see if that appeals.

     

    What this boils down to, if I read it correctly is your friends. Yes there is the school and college stuff but that really isn't the main bit. You don't want to leave your friends. What if they leave you? What if in 6 months some of them are not talking to you? What do you do then?

     

    At the end of the day, your parents want to come. And they want you to trust them and come with them. How do you say to them that you don't trust them? And more improtantly, that they should not have trusted you? :unsure:

     

    And as for hot surfers, I think some of them are more than ugly morons but damn, some of them look good in shorts! :biglaugh:

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    Guest caoimhe

    Hi Laurie,

    When I was 14 my parents told me we were immigrating to Canada, I honestly felt like my life was torn apart, I couldn't imagine leaving my friends and boyfriend. We didn't get the visa and I was overjoyed...Now 28 years later I can't even remember the boyfriends name and only 1 of those friends is still in my life and my friendship with her has survived my moving from Ireland to England and now to Australia. It wasn't easy keeping in touch then as there was no msn and phone calls were so expensive but we wrote to each other and rang when we could. Your friendship can survive if you want them to survive.

    My 11 year old didn't want to come here but we made a deal that if he would give it 3 years and after that time we would all sit down as a family and make a decision on wether to stay or not he agreed. 9 months in and he has already said he doesn't want to go back to live in Ireland, he keeps in touch with a lot of his friends from home via skype and msn but is loving the life he now has here.

    Its a very scary thing to move away from all that's familiar, I was 41 and terrified but you are 16 and I'm sure this has been said to you before but you do have your whole life ahead of you. You'll never know what's it like till you try it and if your boyfriends really the one for you you will both make it work.

    Good luck:wubclub:

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    Guest Rob and Clare
    A few weeks ago my mum and dad told me were moving to oz! I really dont want to go!

    Im nearly 17 just started college and have an amazing boyfriend and loads of friends!

    they say its for a better life but i think their just thinking of my younger brothers! Is anyone else in this situation?

    Laurie

     

    Sorry I'm just another adult with an opinion, which no-one but you and your family can say if it's useful or not.

     

    You have my sympathy, as others have said it's hard to come over at any age, but your probably in the most difficult age. When I was 17 I was on the verge of exploring holidays in party resorts (kavos, las americas, ibiza, magaluf, Ayai Napa, etc) and of course living in the midlands I had nights out in Birmingham, Solihull, Sutton Coldfield, Aldridge, Cannock, Dudley, Wolverhampton, Kingswinford... anyway you get my drift there was a mass of choice and that was just within a 1/2 taxi ride. You will not get that kind of choice here, only the gold coast offers anything like a party resort and whilst Adelaide itself is great, there isn't much else away from Adelaide (maybe glenelg too). So i do have great sympathy for your plight. Plus I would check what your visa allows you to study here, if it's a temporary visa then your parents would have to pay international student rates for courses (someone will confirm if that's correct or not), which could be very expensive.

     

    After saying that though, i do agree with the advice given by boxertony, and as long as you can carry on studying it could be worth coming over for the 3 years or so, get your further education and all the goodies of the UK will still be waiting if you want to go back, but by that time you could be a citizen with the option to return whenever you want. Or you could end up loving it here.

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    Guest cazzie

    Hi Laurie,

    How I feel for you! Sixteen going on seventeen is such an intense age! I remember it well - you really do feel that you will love all your friends forever and that your boyfriend is 'the one'. I know I did and would have been equally devastated if my parents even mentioned the word 'emigration,' no matter where it was. If you were moving a hundred miles away it would be nearly as bad! Anyway, what most of the adults have posted is so true, a few years down the line most of us only keep in touch with one or two people from school and boyfriends do come and go - but it will all seem unbelievable to you right now because what matters to you is 'right now.'

    A very difficult choice lies ahead for you but honestly, it does make sense to try and give it a try. I came here a year ago and my youngest son was seventeen years and 10 months old. I desperately wanted him to come out here but he was equally adamant that he did not want a life in Australia. I respected that, but it broke my heart and I know that he misses me terribly too. It's not the same on webcam/phone and email and every day I hope that he will change his mind but know that it is extremely unlikely. So, if you do decide to stay at home - you too, would miss your mum and dad like crazy and life just wouldn't be the same. Your friends will come and go, and it IS really, really hard but I hope that you do decide to give it a chance. You can always go back if you hate it and if your friends are true, they will still be there for you. It's such a cliche that oldies always know best, but one day you will be an oldie and you will know best too - because you have experienced life, people and situations, just as we all have here on this site. Good luck Laurie - already you will have people over here who know about you from this site and they will have teenagers who will be willing to meet up and make you feel welcome. It's not the grooviest place on the planet, but it isn't half bad either.Chin up and think of the adventurous life that may lie ahead.

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    Guest Laurie

    ive told my mum and dad to come out in 2 years when im done with college and will be at uni but they said it would be easier for my brothers who are 10 now so they wouldnt have to waste a year in high school (which will cost them alot of money and theres 2 of them) in england which i think is really unfair!!!

    moving will delay my life for 2 years and i dont want to be 2 years behind everyone it would be such a waste of college and i have no oz qualifications (which my brothers will eventually have) and i will be going into the last year doing tests i have no clue about! so will fail!

    argh just so annoyed and my mum and dad dont get it!!!!

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    Laurie if you came out this year, or fairly soon, you would go into Year 11 so would have two years before the final exams, and end up with some Aussie Qualifications, which are recognised in the rest of the world, honest! Really you wouldn't be two years behind your mates now, in fact, you'd be way ahead of them in life experience, maturity and confidence and those skills are probably way higher on a future employer's list, so you'd actually have the advantage! From here on in, your life is going to be one lots of new experiences after another - seems nice in theory to stick with what you know, the familiar, but sometimes you have to just hold your breath and take the leap! Your parents deciding to do this kind of takes your choice of when to take that leap out of your hands, but sometimes the only way to get out of the plane and start the skydive is if someone shoves you from behind!

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    Hi

    Firstly I would say, tell your mum and dad exactly how you are feeling. Do not worry about upsetting them. As a parent, I would be more upset if my children did not tell me how they feel than I would be if they told me they did not want to come.

    Secondly what Laura needs is some of you young ones replying to her to tell of your experiences, good and bad! Or are you just too busy partying?

    Best of luck

    Catherine

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