Boxertony

17 Year Old Daughter. What Do I Do ????

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    Hi to all,

     

    We land in Adelaide on the Wednesday 10th February and we have short-term rental in Seaton. We have gained the Skilled Migration (subclass 475) Visa.

     

    I have a daughter who is currently aged 16 years old and will be 17 years old on the 8th April. What I am aware of is that she has to be in some way in compulsive education (School or TAFE) until she is 17 years old, unless she has a job working over 25 hours. I do not see the point in enrolling her in education for a couple of months till she is 17 years old.

     

    Currently she is working full-time on an amazing Hairdressing Apprenticeship in an excellent Salon in Newcastle upon Tyne and she loves it, especially with the good wage she gets. As you may guess she does not want to go to Adelaide with us because of her job, friends and especially her first love the dreaded boyfriend. So under duress! We have agreed that she comes to Adelaide until she is 18 years old and then she is an Adult and can then decide if she wants to remain in Adelaide or go back to the UK. So of course she is determined to go back to the UK and I get the impression that she is going to cause us quite a few problems in the year she resides in Adelaide.

     

    I have sorted out a lot of potential male and female friends she can meet up with and get to know once in Adelaide, who have all been in her situation and of similiar ages. I know our kids dont like their parent/s to arrange friends for them, but this gesture by me - her dad is meant well, plus it gives me chance to hang around with their parent/s lol. These potential friends have sent my daughter messages via MSN Messenger and Facebook but my daughter just will not entertain them, even in one of my previous posts I have mentioned that I will be having a BBQ Party for those older teenagers and young adults to attend and gain the chance to socialise and hopefully meet new friends. Neverthless once she has arrived and met some of these new people and starts to enjoy the good weather etc., I am hoping that that mind set in returning to the UK will be changed.

     

    Problem though!!! Ideally I would like my daughter to continue with her Hairdressing Career, ideally with an appropriate hairdressing apprenticeship/job here in Adelaide. Attending TAFE is a no go area as we are on the 475 visa and at this moment in time I cannot afford the relevant education fees. I am quite confident that once she has gained a good social network she will then settle and hopefully stay for good. But it's the gaining the hairdressing career for her whilst she is in Adelaide I am extremely worried about.

     

    SO WHAT DO I DO ????? Paramount that she gains hairdressing opportunities.!!!

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    Guest reevendeb

    hiya tony, reevendeb again i know the heart ache your going through as we had the same bother with our katie who is 18, well 19 next month she found it hard at first but (touch wood) she seems to be settliing a bit better now. we are from the north east like yourselves she had a huge circle of friends and misses them but like i say not as much now, look me up on facebook under reeve jeffrey in adelaide.

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    Guest gina&alan

    Hi Tony we are still not sleeping at nights either with our decisions , all the best mate will call you later today for a chat, regards Alan & Gina

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    She should bring all her paperwork and things that show where she's upto in her training...there are always jobs advertised, some for fully qualified but others are for 2nd, 3rd etc years. She could then take her resume round some of the salons aswell....give her something to do. If she gets in somewhere I imagine she will settle pretty quickly as hairdressers seem a pretty social bunch.

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    Guest mayjess

    Hi there, cant help with the hairdressign thing Im afraid, I dont know anything about all that, but your daughter will love Adelaide once she has a good group of mates believe me, I was worried about my daughters when we lived there they were 10 & 15, esp my eldest but I need`nt have worried she settled great

     

    thats why we are going back, because she has never settled bk in the UK!

     

    Mayjess

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    Guest Nicky&Andy

    i agree with rachiegarlo, also apply to salons if she has a basic understanding of hairdressing she will stand out more from people her own age with no experience , if she gets a foot in the door they may even put her through college (be warned though, most salons give you the crap jobs to see if you can hack it before spending money on training you up)

    i wish you all the best

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    Hi Tony

    We didnt know what we were going to do with our eldest who is 18. He had completed one year of his A levels in the Uk. However, we have talked to the local school who were great. He has taken nearly the same subjects here and his first year will count for his first year SACE 1 so he only has to complete year 2 now. He's not happy about being the oldest in the year but after explaining he will have an Aussie qualification after one year and be in their system he's ok about it now. Your daughter will get sorted but it might take sometime. Like you we couldnt afford Tafe so this was his option. I have spoken to alot of Skills Assessment people trying to get my qualifications sorted they are really nice and helpful and have given me loads of advise.

    Regards Janine

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    There is this place in Adelaide that does a lot of hairdressing training - they are a pretty professional set-up so might be worth an email from her to them to see if she could complete her apprenticeship through them:

    http://www.clipjoint.com.au/

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    I have been thinking long and hard as to whether i should reply to this thread, as i know what i have to say probably wont go down too well...but as you have asked 'so what do i do', then i take it you want opinions.

     

    I have personal experience of bringing a teenage daughter over and also hairdressing apprenticeships etc over here

     

    From everything you have said, i agree, it aint going to be easy at all.

     

    If there is anyway of leaving her in the Uk so she can finish her training? It sounds like she is in such a good apprenticeship and receiving excellent training, I can understand why she is not too struck on coming to Adelaide. Also, from my experience of australian hairdressers, she would be far better off learning the trade in England. Being treated well as an apprenticeship is hard to come by....plus the only decent hairdressers i have come across over here are English!!

     

    I cant help but feel for her....she is in her 'happy' place now....and is only a year away from being 18. Leaving this wonderful job now, trying out adelaide for a year, only to possibly return in a year, and having to resume her training somewhere else...IMO would be such a shame.

     

    Could she not come out with you in February so she has in effect valdiated herself on the visa, and then return home and finish the apprenticeship? I'm not sure how it works, but dont you then have a certain amount of time till you have to be back in Australia?

     

    She may get lucky and be able to resume her training here, by gaining an apprenticeship...but as for training at specialist hairdressing salons like ClipJoint...well if you think the TAFE fees are expensive...i know that these academies are even more!

     

    As for friends? I know you mean well...but again...trying to push kids of that age together doesnt often help...believe me...been there and done that one!!!

     

    Obviously from what you have said, her hairdressing career is the thing that you are most worried about.......there I would be seriously considering if the move is best for her....

     

    I am sorry to be blunt, but i feel i have to reply honestly to the questions you have asked.

     

    Sadly, my daughter gave up on her hairdressing dream over here....something I regret for her very much....

     

    If you want to know more about the hairdressing issues over here, and what experience my daughter had, then please feel free to PM me...

     

    good luck!

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    Guest smit

    What do you do?????????????????..................If possible...........let her see out her apprenteship in England , if shes in a good place and enjoying.........shell only hold it against you , if she struggles here.....I dont know how the visa thing works nowadays, whether she can validate and go back.........but in time anyway, she will be able to come over as a qualified hairdresser in her own right. ................I would make it her decision...........lets face it shes an adult.........even though as a parent it might not feel like it!!!!!

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    Guest cornish Busdriver

    At 17 she should be old enough to make her own mind up and defend for herself. My missus and me both left home at 16 and weve done alright. I know some young adults havnt got the brains to start living there own lives but everyone has to learn. All i can suggest is that you explain to her that you are moving to adelaide and and if she doesnt want to come then support and respect her choise to stay.

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    Guest smit

    I should add..........................after a time she may miss the family and come out of her own free will. Ive known older teenagers come.............go.........then come back again..................all under thier own steam......no family hassles then!

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    Guest smit
    At 17 she should be old enough to make her own mind up and defend for herself. My missus and me both left home at 16 and weve done alright. I know some young adults havnt got the brains to start living there own lives but everyone has to learn. All i can suggest is that you explain to her that you are moving to adelaide and and if she doesnt want to come then support and respect her choise to stay.
    spot on!!!!

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    I have been thinking long and hard as to whether i should reply to this thread, as i know what i have to say probably wont go down too well...but as you have asked 'so what do i do', then i take it you want opinions.

     

    I have personal experience of bringing a teenage daughter over and also hairdressing apprenticeships etc over here

     

    From everything you have said, i agree, it aint going to be easy at all.

     

    If there is anyway of leaving her in the Uk so she can finish her training? It sounds like she is in such a good apprenticeship and receiving excellent training, I can understand why she is not too struck on coming to Adelaide. Also, from my experience of australian hairdressers, she would be far better off learning the trade in England. Being treated well as an apprenticeship is hard to come by....plus the only decent hairdressers i have come across over here are English!!

     

    I cant help but feel for her....she is in her 'happy' place now....and is only a year away from being 18. Leaving this wonderful job now, trying out adelaide for a year, only to possibly return in a year, and having to resume her training somewhere else...IMO would be such a shame.

     

    Could she not come out with you in February so she has in effect valdiated herself on the visa, and then return home and finish the apprenticeship? I'm not sure how it works, but dont you then have a certain amount of time till you have to be back in Australia?

     

    She may get lucky and be able to resume her training here, by gaining an apprenticeship...but as for training at specialist hairdressing salons like ClipJoint...well if you think the TAFE fees are expensive...i know that these academies are even more!

     

    As for friends? I know you mean well...but again...trying to push kids of that age together doesnt often help...believe me...been there and done that one!!!

     

    Obviously from what you have said, her hairdressing career is the thing that you are most worried about.......there I would be seriously considering if the move is best for her....

     

    I am sorry to be blunt, but i feel i have to reply honestly to the questions you have asked.

     

    Sadly, my daughter gave up on her hairdressing dream over here....something I regret for her very much....

     

    If you want to know more about the hairdressing issues over here, and what experience my daughter had, then please feel free to PM me...

     

    good luck!

     

    Thank you for all your support, experiences and opinions regarding my daughter and I situation. I think I better tell ya our story. I have been a single parent for 20 years with my Son aged nearly 21 and my daughter nearly 17 years old and both children do not not have a relationship with either of their mother's. So basically we have no family here for her to stay with or gain the approriate care and support and the only people she could stay with is my Mam and Dad in Burnley which is 130 miles away. Hence she will still have to leave her hairdressing apprenticship.

     

    Shannon has the chance to live with her boyfriend aged 16 and his Mother, but to me that is definitely a no go area, plus I have only met her the once, her boyfriend does not work or attends further education, but honestly he is fairly nice lad - young and immature and they are both enjoying their first love, etc.

     

    I have a extremely close relationship with both of my children - being both Mam and Dad for them. In June 2009 I got married and my wife has a excellent relationship with both of my children, (so great support there).

     

    I do feel bad though! I mentioned to Shannon that if she comes to Adelaide at least get our PR and then she can come and go and if and when she has children herself the opportunity for them to emigrate may be much easier for them.

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    Guest Lisado

    I dont write / visit on here very much any more and this post is one of the reasons why

     

    I put myself in your daughter's shoes and would be mortified this was written about me. I wouldnt want to go anywhere near Australia knowing the everyone knew my business

     

    To be honest I wish I hadnt read it. It has made me feel uncomfortable

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    Guest Nicky&Andy

    were going through a similar situation at the moment, and i would just like to say that it's the most devastating feeling , knowing that one of your children decides not to come, we have got our heads round the fact that our oldest would probably be better off staying and realising how hard it is to be a grown up!!!!!!!!!!!!!! mum & dad not there to bale him out and hopfully in time he will realise and join us when were settled, then he will have to fit in with us rather than us trying to please him,

    this site in my opinion is brilliant for advice , help and enabales people to talk to others in the same situation.

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    Guest sarahsmartiepants

    I would agree with what Lorluc says, and also with Lisado, your daughter surely wouid not be too pleased with you for telling the whole forum her business, if she doesnt know now she will once she meets the people you have lined up for them as friends.

     

    On the hairdressing side, you must ask yourself the question why has qualified hairdressers been on the wanted list for the last at least 15 yrs that I know of??? Because they dont train enough of them here, why? Because most of the 11,000 salons in and around Adeliade are one man bands and either cant afford to train an apprentice or, more likely cant be bothered.

     

    That said, there are apprenticeships to be got, but not many, so the competition is high, they wont want to bother with someone who "might not make it". I would very much doubt they will take into account any training she will have done in the UK, I wouldnt if ever I was in a postion to have an appr. The training here is done totally different to the UK, they also like appr. to have pre vocational training (at tafe) before they take one on.

     

    You have asked for advice and mine to you would be let her complete her UK apprenticeship, at least she has a shot at a career, if you dont want to leave her behind as you are worried about the boyfriend situation, all stay there and that way you can keep an eye on her.

     

    Only you can decide what to do for the best for your family at the end of the day, a choice I dont envy, good luck!

    sarah

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    I would agree with what Lorluc says, and also with Lisado, your daughter surely wouid not be too pleased with you for telling the whole forum her business, if she doesnt know now she will once she meets the people you have lined up for them as friends.

     

    I also agree with Lisado...whilst i appreciate after asking questions on here and receiving the answers you have, that you feel you need to clarify the situation, I do feel far too much information has been given. My daughter would have been mortified if i had put this all up on open forum!!

     

    On the hairdressing side, you must ask yourself the question why has qualified hairdressers been on the wanted list for the last at least 15 yrs that I know of??? Because they dont train enough of them here, why? Because most of the 11,000 salons in and around Adeliade are one man bands and either cant afford to train an apprentice or, more likely cant be bothered.

     

    Please listen to someone who knows what they are talking about? Sarah has the knowledge/experience....and she also knows what my daughter went through. My daughter ended up in one of those 'one man bands' who falled into the category of 'cant be bothered'. Slave labour is one way of describing it...bullying another...

     

    That said, there are apprenticeships to be got, but not many, so the competition is high, they wont want to bother with someone who "might not make it". I would very much doubt they will take into account any training she will have done in the UK, I wouldnt if ever I was in a postion to have an appr. The training here is done totally different to the UK, they also like appr. to have pre vocational training (at tafe) before they take one on.

     

    Yep, thats what my daughter was told to do. I spent nearly $3000 on Tafe courses, and i was on a PR visa....

     

    You have asked for advice and mine to you would be let her complete her UK apprenticeship, at least she has a shot at a career, if you dont want to leave her behind as you are worried about the boyfriend situation, all stay there and that way you can keep an eye on her.

     

    My feelings exactly...How long is an apprenticeship in the UK?

     

    Let her finish it...she can then get some work experience, then she can apply for a visa in her own right if she wants to! She will be snapped up, no doubt about that!

     

    Dont screw it up for her.....I have to live with how my daughters career dream was destroyed over here....breaks my heart at times as its all she ever wanted to do...Please dont do the same...

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    I have edited the message regarding my daughter after considering your comments, which are understandable. I did the right thing by my daughter and showed her what I put about her and aplogised to her for what I stated. The reply I gained from her was Dad you are only telling the truth and that she is fine with what I stated and she does not care what people think.

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    Guest Messua

    As frustrating as it sounds, your daughter might have to go back to school, but I thought they could leave education if they got work... so maybe she could find a job in a salon and that would help her get back into training when she is able to apply.

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    Tony,

     

    You are a true Gentleman, and any child should be very grateful to have you as a father. It takes a man to accept the sort of comments made by members of this forum (none that I disagee with) and to be brave enough to show your daughter, not knowing what her reaction would be.

     

    Its great to see that peoples genuine feelings have not been taken in any negatvie way and their advice has been listened to and thought about.

     

    For what its worth I also think that it would be better for her to finish her course in the UK and then join you if she wants to. Does she not have a girlfriend she could stay with....depending on how long the course is???? It seems such a shame for her to give up her chance for a career. Sarah makes a valid point and if anyone knows she does. I have no idea how it works here in relation to hairdressing !!

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    Hi Tony, being watching this why not activate the visa then while she's here go see;Clipjoint,Color Cosmetica, Shermans and Tafe. The first three are private hairdressing colleges. Also the owner of Clipjoint is on the overseas Hairdressing Board get your daughter to have a chat with him.He's really friendly and helpful. If she wants to go back and finish her apprentiship in the u.k. then her visa is still valid for 5 years from the time that you activated it. Once her apprentiship is completed she can come back here! There are plenty of salons that will take a junior qualified so work won't be a problem. Hope this helps.

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    Tamara, thanks ever so much for your reply and the advice you gave is brill. However to all those people who have responded to this thread/post. Shannon and another apprentice at her hairdressers have now been laid off due to no customers, etc. Especially quiet after the Xmas period. I have had a really good honest chat with Shannon is now happy to come to Adelaide and then when she is 18 years old, if she wishes to return to the UK I have promised to pay for the flights, etc. Really pleased with this outcome and most importantly Shannon suggested this outcome. I think not having her apprenticeship job now and having no family in the UK, she said she will be lost without me as she has only ever known me.

     

    Two weeks today and we land. Yeah! Roll on the festivals.................

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