Sign in to follow this  
Guest kendra

buying swimsuits

    Recommended Posts

    Guest kendra

    Spotted this &had to share it! Its so true!

     

    THE JOYS OF SWIMSUIT PURCHASES (For the Mature Ladies)

     

    This is a true story written by a woman in England to her friend after a

    swimsuit shopping expedition.

     

    I have just been through the annual pilgrimage of torture and humiliation

    known as buying a bathing suit.

     

    When I was a child in the 1950's, the bathing suit for a woman with a mature

    figure was designed for a woman with a mature figure. Boned, trussed and

    reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They were built to hold back

    and uplift and they did a good job.

     

    Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the pre-pubescent girl with a

    figure carved from a potato chip. The mature woman has a choice; she can

    either front up at the maternity department and try on a floral suit with a

    skirt, coming away looking like a hippopotamus who escaped from Disney's

    Fantasia - or she can wander around every run-of the-mill department store

    trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of

    fluorescent rubber bands.

     

    What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and

    entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room. The first thing I

    noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch material.

     

    The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed I believe, by NASA to

    launch small rockets from a slingshot, which gives the added bonus that if

    you mange to actually lever yourself into one, you are protected from shark

    attacks. The reason for this is that any shark taking a swipe at your

    passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash!

     

    I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap

    in place, I gasped in horror - my bosom had disappeared!

     

    Eventually, I found one bosom cowering under my left armpit. It took a

    while to find the other. At last I located it, flattened beside my seventh

    rib.

     

    The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman

    is meant to wear her bosom spread across her chest like a speed hump! I

    realigned my speed hump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full view

    assessment. The bathing suit fitted all right, but unfortunately, it only

    fitted those bits of me willing to stay inside it!

     

    The rest of me oozed out rebelliously from top, bottom and sides. I looked

    like a lump of play dough wearing undersized cling wrap. As I tried to work

    out where all those extra bits had come from, the pre-pubescent sales girl

    popped her head through the curtains. "Oh there you are!" she said,

    admiring the bathing suit. I replied that I wasn't so sure and asked what

    else she had to show me.

     

    I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking

    tape, and a floral two-piece which gave the appearance of an oversized

    napkin in a serviette ring. I struggled into a pair of leopard skin bathers

    with ragged frill and came out looking like Tarzan's Jane pregnant with

    triplets and having a rough day.

     

    I tried on a black number with a midriff and looked like a jellyfish in

    mourning. I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut leg, I thought

    I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear them!

     

    Finally, I found a suit that fitted - a two-piece affair with a shorts-style

    bottom and a loose blouse-type top. It was cheap, comfortable, and

    bulge-friendly, so I bought it. My ridiculous search had had a successful

    outcome.

     

    When I got home, I found a label that said, "Material will become

    transparent in water."

     

    :biglaugh:

    Share this post


    Link to post
    Share on other sites
    Guest ali@51

    I was listening to the radioe about a week ago and they were talking about a fassion show that one disigner had shown a bikini that contained some sort of recargable batery within thematirial so girls can re charge their I pods at the beach. It apparently bear the ledgened DO NOT GET WET:swoon:

    Share this post


    Link to post
    Share on other sites

    That was really funny!!

     

    I started laughing that much my Husband thought Eddie Murphy had entered the room!!!

     

    Good to have a giggle for a change instead of all the serious aspects of our daunting wait!

    Share this post


    Link to post
    Share on other sites

    Create an account or sign in to comment

    You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

    Create an account

    Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

    Register a new account

    Sign in

    Already have an account? Sign in here.

    Sign In Now

    Sign in to follow this