Guest MarkIngram

Funny Diary

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    Guest MarkIngram

    Hello everyone....my Aussie boss sent this very funny email to me which is the diary of a Pom in Adelaide....I read it and laughed so much....have a read and see what you think...apparently this is quite an old Aussie joke.

     

    DIARY OF A POMMIE IN ADELAIDE.

     

    August 31 - Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home in Adelaide , South Australia. Now this is a town that knows how to live! Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. I watched thesunset from a deckchair by the pool yesterday. It was beautiful. I've finally found my new home. I love it here.

     

    September 13 - Really heating up now. It got to 31 today. No problem though. Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a sun-worshipper.

     

    September 30th - Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. No more mowing lawns for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

     

    October 10th - The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's windy though. Keeps the flies off a bit. Acclimatizing is taking longer than I expected.

     

    October 15th - Fell asleep by the pool yesterday. Got third degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed three days of work. What a dumb thing to do! Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

     

    October 20th - Didn't notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car before I left for work this morning. By the time I got back to the car after work, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stuck to the upholstery. The car now smells like Whiskettes and cat ****. I've earned my lesson though: no more pets in this heat.

     

    October 25 - This wind is a bastard. It feels like a giant ****in' blow dryer. And it's hot as hell! The home air conditioner is on the blink and the repair man charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needs to order parts from ****in' Sydney ....

     

    October 30th - The temperature's up around 40 and the parts still haven't arrived for the ****in' aircon. Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. Bloody $600,000 house and we can't even go inside. Why the hell did I ever come here?

     

    November 4 - Finally got the ol' aircon fixed. It cost $1,500 and gets the temperature down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes it feel about 30. Stupid repairman.

     

    November 8 - If one more smart arse says 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to ****in' throttle him. ****in' heat! By the time I get to work, the car's radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking ****in' wet and I smell like baked cat!

    November 9 Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on the black leather upholstery in the ol' car. I thought my ****in' arse was on fire. I lost two layers of flesh, all the hair on the backs of my legs and my ****in' arse. Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried arse and baked cat!

     

    November 10 - Weather report! It might as well be a ****in' recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny, Hot and ****in' sunny! It's been too hot to do anything for two ****in' months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.

     

    November 15 - Doesn't it ever rain in this damn ****in' place? Water restrictions will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry up and blow into the ****in' pool. The only things that thrive in this hell-hole are the ****in' flies. You don't dare open your mouth for fear of swallowing half a dozen of the ****ers!

     

    November 20th - Welcome to HELL! It got to 45 ****in' degrees today. Now the air conditioner's gone in my car.. The repair man came to fix it and said, 'Hot enough for you today?' I had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail me out of jail for assaulting the stupid ****er. ****in' Adelaide! What kind of sick, demented ****in' idiot would want to live here!

     

    December 1 -

    WHAT!!!!

    The first day of Summer!!!!

    You are ****in' kidding!

     

    :biglaugh:

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    Guest Cope

    Humidity, tropical plants... It does have more of a Darwin/Brisbany feel to it, doesn't it? Boss maybe changed the city to suit his victim.

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    Guest PhilC

    Folks at work do make a habit of asking "is it hot enough for ya?" It's not a million miles away from the truth...

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    That's great,loads of truths there,wouldn't mind reading a vice-versa one though,from an Aussie in the UK.Thanks,what a laugh...:biglaugh::biglaugh::biglaugh:

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    That's great,loads of truths there,wouldn't mind reading a vice-versa one though,from an Aussie in the UK.Thanks,what a laugh...

     

     

    Aussie in UK Diary

     

    Got here - bloody cold and wet and raining all the time :biglaugh::biglaugh:

     

    HG

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    Guest Cope

    I heard an australian novelist on the BBC radio the other day saying she had lived in the UK for a few years, so she knew what it was like to be cold. Ouch!

    (it was Kate Grenville on Book club - I just got the novel 'the secret river' in, but haven't started reading it yet)

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