Prema

advice needed

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    Just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation but I really could do with some advice.

     

    We sold our house last year in Sept and as our visa had not yet come we went to stay with my mum. We both gave up our jobs as we were told that we should have got our visas by the time we moved out of the house.

     

    To cut a long story short, mum's house as big enough to house us and would not interfere with her day to day life. We kept ourselves to our rooms in the evenings to keep the kids out of her hair. You would know when she had enough so we would take the hints and we would scarper. Sometimes we would take the kids to tescos just to get them out of the house. We paid toward the bills and bought most of the shopping.

     

    Our visa just took ages, and to be honest mum thought that it would not come. So in Feb, mum and my brother decided to stop talking to us, gave us silent treatment for 1 whole week. Not to mention that during the time we stayed there, there were many arguments mostly her shouting at hubbie, for no reason. But we had no where else to go. She would not even let us claim job seekers there!! We have been living off our savings this whole time.

     

    Enough was enough and in Feb we decided that we had to go. So we found a studio flat, paid deposit and moved in. I got a text message 1 week after leaving to say happy birthday. After 2 weeks of moving into the flat, our visa came though. My family called me to ask why I'd left and how we were coping I just told them that it didn't work out. Kept it simple. Family said they would call us to arrange dinner and see us before we go. We have our last few days now and absolutely nothing not heard from them at all.

     

    So question I am asking myself is do I go back and say goodbye. We have pretty much accepted that we can't come back for some time (years). The kids had really bad experiences that they don't even want to go to mum's (nani). They feel so happy to leave but won't go back to my mums, do I take them kicking and screaming as it's the right thing to do. I haven't spoken to my mum or my brother since Feb????

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    Guest cornish Busdriver

    There probally waiting for you to get intouch and let them know where the meal is gonna be.

    Make the phone call and go for a family meal and clear the air before you leave at least then your not leaving without say gooodbye.

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    At the end of the day she is your mum and your family.

    It will be hard but what if this is the last time you and your kids will see their nani? Arrange a family meal on neutral turf and have some other family there for moral support.

    Good luck I am sure everything will be fine, it is hard living with family for so long and I am sure it will all soon be forgoten. Your kids will just have to like it and lump it.

     

    HTH

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    Guest Guest75

    Yep - go on meet up.

    It might not clear the air but it's the last chance to meet for a long time.

    It will stop any feelings of guilt on your part.:wubclub:

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    Just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation but I really could do with some advice.

     

    We sold our house last year in Sept and as our visa had not yet come we went to stay with my mum. We both gave up our jobs as we were told that we should have got our visas by the time we moved out of the house.

     

    To cut a long story short, mum's house as big enough to house us and would not interfere with her day to day life. We kept ourselves to our rooms in the evenings to keep the kids out of her hair. You would know when she had enough so we would take the hints and we would scarper. Sometimes we would take the kids to tescos just to get them out of the house. We paid toward the bills and bought most of the shopping.

     

    Our visa just took ages, and to be honest mum thought that it would not come. So in Feb, mum and my brother decided to stop talking to us, gave us silent treatment for 1 whole week. Not to mention that during the time we stayed there, there were many arguments mostly her shouting at hubbie, for no reason. But we had no where else to go. She would not even let us claim job seekers there!! We have been living off our savings this whole time.

     

    Enough was enough and in Feb we decided that we had to go. So we found a studio flat, paid deposit and moved in. I got a text message 1 week after leaving to say happy birthday. After 2 weeks of moving into the flat, our visa came though. My family called me to ask why I'd left and how we were coping I just told them that it didn't work out. Kept it simple. Family said they would call us to arrange dinner and see us before we go. We have our last few days now and absolutely nothing not heard from them at all.

     

    So question I am asking myself is do I go back and say goodbye. We have pretty much accepted that we can't come back for some time (years). The kids had really bad experiences that they don't even want to go to mum's (nani). They feel so happy to leave but won't go back to my mums, do I take them kicking and screaming as it's the right thing to do. I haven't spoken to my mum or my brother since Feb????

     

     

    Heyya,

    I really feel for you in your situation, Its quite a short life give her a ring, give her the option, this way it is out of your hands and the ball is placed in hers, tell her how much you would like to make amends before going.

    I too fell out with my Mum, before we went, when you land in oz and you are chilled out a bit you'll all feel so different. Best to make up .

    Good luck Laura xx

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    definately arrange a farewell meal and get family and friends involved that way if they give you the silent treatment you'll have atleast tried and it'll be less awkward.

     

    I think some families give you the silent treatment or become distant, as a self preservation thing.

     

    My sister distanced herself from me before we left, avoided me a lot, turned down invitations and basically avoided the topic of emigrating all together, I just let it slide and carried on as normal, still trying to include her in nights out/meals, and now we're here I get the really missing you messages/emails.

     

    Families are complicated things, just make the effort and you'll have peace of mind you tried.

     

    All the best with the move.

    xx

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    Guest karyn1
    Just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation but I really could do with some advice.

     

    We sold our house last year in Sept and as our visa had not yet come we went to stay with my mum. We both gave up our jobs as we were told that we should have got our visas by the time we moved out of the house.

     

    To cut a long story short, mum's house as big enough to house us and would not interfere with her day to day life. We kept ourselves to our rooms in the evenings to keep the kids out of her hair. You would know when she had enough so we would take the hints and we would scarper. Sometimes we would take the kids to tescos just to get them out of the house. We paid toward the bills and bought most of the shopping.

     

    Our visa just took ages, and to be honest mum thought that it would not come. So in Feb, mum and my brother decided to stop talking to us, gave us silent treatment for 1 whole week. Not to mention that during the time we stayed there, there were many arguments mostly her shouting at hubbie, for no reason. But we had no where else to go. She would not even let us claim job seekers there!! We have been living off our savings this whole time.

     

    Enough was enough and in Feb we decided that we had to go. So we found a studio flat, paid deposit and moved in. I got a text message 1 week after leaving to say happy birthday. After 2 weeks of moving into the flat, our visa came though. My family called me to ask why I'd left and how we were coping I just told them that it didn't work out. Kept it simple. Family said they would call us to arrange dinner and see us before we go. We have our last few days now and absolutely nothing not heard from them at all.

     

    So question I am asking myself is do I go back and say goodbye. We have pretty much accepted that we can't come back for some time (years). The kids had really bad experiences that they don't even want to go to mum's (nani). They feel so happy to leave but won't go back to my mums, do I take them kicking and screaming as it's the right thing to do. I haven't spoken to my mum or my brother since Feb????

     

    I would meet up, try to clear the air and give them the chance to say goodbye to the kids. Then you can move on with a clear concience and no regrets! Good Luck!

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