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Friday funnies.........

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    I hope these make you guys smile as much as they have made me.....

    1. A man dashes into the A&E dept. and yells, 'My wife's going to have her baby in the taxi.'

     

     

    I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the taxi, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly after protests from the lady I noticed that there were several taxi's, and I was in the wrong one.

     

    Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, St. Andrews Hosp. Glasgow.

     

    2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,' I instructed.

    'Yes, they used to be,'. .. . replied the patient.

     

    Submitted by Dr. Richard Barnes, St.Thomas's Bath .

     

    3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her on her mobile phone reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'

     

    Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg Royal London Hosp.

     

    4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment, he told me that he was having trouble with one of his medications.

    'Which one ?'. . ... I asked.

    'The patch; the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it !'

    I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

     

    Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk General.

     

    5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked 'How long have you been bedridden?'

    After a look of complete confusion she answered, 'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was still alive.'

     

    Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Maidenhead Royal Kent .

     

    6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked, 'So how was your breakfast this morning?'

    'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste,' Bob replied.

    I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labelled 'KY Jelly.'

     

    Submitted by Dr. Leonard J. Brandon. Bristol Infirmary.

     

    7. A nurse was on duty in the A&E when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for an immediate operation. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, 'Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said

    'Sorry, had to mow the lawn.'

     

    Submitted by Staff Nurse RN Elaine Fogerty, KGH London .

     

    Dr. wouldn't submit his name

     

     

     

    HG

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    A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

     

     

     

    His father said he'd make a deal: “You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car.”

     

     

     

    The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.

     

     

     

    After about six weeks his father said, “Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut.”

     

     

     

    The boy said, “You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair...and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.”

     

     

     

    You're going to love the Dad's reply:

     

     

     

     

     

     

    …… To which his father replied, “Did you also notice they all walked everywhere :biglaugh:

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