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Guest Guest5035

Ashes Joke....

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    Guest Guest5035




    The two captains tossed the coin on

    Boxing Day for the start of the fourth

    test match in Melbourne.


    Andrew Strauss called correctly and

    said to Ricky Ponting "You can bat".


    Ponting replied "No, I can't. I really





    Two Englishmen were discussing the

    "drop in" pitch at Melbourne.


    One said to the other "A drop-in pitch?

    I know what that is.


    It's where the Australian batsmen drop

    in for a few moments and then get





    What was the most proficient legwork

    displayed by the Australian batsmen in

    the fourth test match?


    The walk back to the pavilion!




    An Australian judge asked a little girl

    "Now that your parents are getting

    divorced, do you want to live with your



    The little girl replied "No, my mummy

    beats me."


    The judge said "Well then, I guess you

    want to live with your daddy."


    The little girl responded "No, my daddy

    beats me too."


    The judge said "Well then, who do you

    want to live with?"


    The little girl replied "I want to live

    with the Australian cricket team as

    they never beat anybody".




    What does Ricky Ponting put in his

    hands to make sure that the next ball

    almost always takes a wicket?


    A bat.




    As Ricky Ponting passed the man in the

    white coat, he poked him in the chest

    and said "That was never LBW mate. You

    need glasses."


    The man in the white coat replied "So

    do you mate. I'm selling ice-cream."




    Two Australian cricketers died and went

    to heaven.


    At the pearly gates St. Peter said

    "Anyone who has ever cheated or

    appealed without reason or sledged a

    batsman or assaulted an umpire, step

    forward and ask for forgiveness."


    Shane Warne stepped forward and asked

    for forgiveness.


    St. Peter said "Come on in, and bring

    that deaf bastard Ricky Ponting with





    What do you call it when Ricky Ponting

    hits Jimmy Anderson over square leg for



    The worst attempted straight drive

    you've ever seen!




    Mrs. Ponting phoned the Australian

    dressing room during the fourth test

    match to remind her husband to pick up

    two pints of milk on the way home.


    Someone picked up the phone and said



    Mrs. Ponting said "Can I speak to Ricky



    "I'm sorry" came the reply. "He's

    batting right now".


    "OK" said Mrs. Ponting. "I'll hold".




    It was Boxing Day and an Aussie was

    pacing up and down at home while his

    wife was in hospital giving birth.


    The phone rang. "This is the hospital,

    sir. Your wife has given birth to

    twins. However, there are more on the



    The bloke put the phone down and drank

    a tube of Fosters.


    The phone rang again. "This is the

    hospital, sir. Your wife has had

    another little boy but there are still

    more on the way".


    The bloke put the phone down and drank

    three more tubes of Fosters and by now

    he was totally drunk.


    He picked up the phone to ring the

    hospital to find out if his wife had

    had any more babies but by mistake, he

    rang the Melbourne Cricket Ground.


    When the phone was answered the bloke

    asked "What's the latest?"


    The reply came "98 all out, and the

    last one was a duck!"




    And finally




    Ricky Ponting went to his doctor and

    said "I've got a cricket ball stuck up

    my arse".


    The doctor replied "How's that?"


    Ponting replied "Don't you start".












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    Guest guest4829

    Apparently Ricky Ponting has taken up ironing

    It's only way he gets to stay near a crease!



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    Guest lastboyscout

    What do you call an Aussie thats good with a bat?




    A vet :biglaugh:

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