chrisfen46

Just told parents

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    told my parents that we will be making the move yesturday, explained about the ss and the fact we are now just waiting fro a co. they are not happy no congrats or anything, i know they will miss the kids but thats one of the reasons we are leaving this country, i want to give my family the best oppertunuties they can have in life, as there is nothing here for them , i work to survive here its a struggle just to keep on top of bills. you would think your parents would understand . the mother inlaw is great she was so pleased for us but my parents could turn a sunny day to a dismal grey one. Never mind . IAM SO BORED OF THE UK GET ME OUT OF HERE !!!!!!!!!!:arghh:

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    Guest ebstar
    told my parents that we will be making the move yesturday, explained about the ss and the fact we are now just waiting fro a co. they are not happy no congrats or anything, i know they will miss the kids but thats one of the reasons we are leaving this country, i want to give my family the best oppertunuties they can have in life, as there is nothing here for them , i work to survive here its a struggle just to keep on top of bills. you would think your parents would understand . the mother inlaw is great she was so pleased for us but my parents could turn a sunny day to a dismal grey one. Never mind . IAM SO BORED OF THE UK GET ME OUT OF HERE !!!!!!!!!!:arghh:

    Give them a little time for it to sink in. They may be more supportive when they have had a chance to get their heads around the idea. After all you only told them yesterday.

    When we told my mil she was sad to know we were leaving but said she thought it was only a matter of time before we made the move. My parents on the other hand were really hurt. Dad is trying to be supportive and positive but mum is another story! We told them all when we made the decision to apply so they would have time to get used to the idea and do some of the things we new they wanted to do (take the kids on hols) before we leave.

    Good luck

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    Guest Jadeyk

    Give them time. I told my MIL and she didn't take it well. Slowly coming around though. But got too scared to mention it. Now we drop it into conversation here and there and she is now taking it in.

     

    I was really hurt cos she wasn't subscribing to the "love them let them go" or the "you have children to let then grow onto string independent people" and instead totally had a go at me claiming I was taking their boy away!

     

    Good luck! You're doing what's right by your family xxx

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    Guest Ryan T. Lion

    We've just done the same thing with parents/siblings.

     

    Some things to say that might take the edge off (it seemed to help us...):

     

    "We'll only be 24 hrs away"

     

    "There's video calling/webcams these days"

     

    "We're really excited about this and need an adventure"

     

    The pain of grandchildren leaving the country is understandably quite wrenching........ But like others have said, loved ones might get used to the idea and then see it as a reason to be proud of you - you're doing a really brave thing.

     

    I don't (yet) have any experience in 'moving to Australia' but telling relatives is 2 weeks fresh in my mind.....

     

    Do you have a friend who is into webcams etc? Maybe see if they'll show your parents just how simple/cheap it is, then you can reassure your parents that is won't just be a crackly expensive phone call once a month etc...... Might make all the difference?

     

    My MIL said she is going to set up a direct debit type thing for our girls for pocket money, and we'll buy them a magazine each week "from Grandma" so she remains in their lives etc (without wanting to sound drammatic!)

     

    Really hope it helps.

     

    RTL.

     

    ps Soon you'll be on the other side of the world...... Doing the best you can for YOUR kids....... The hard part (telling them) is done now.

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    Guest Opportunities

    Chrisfen,

     

    Since we made the decision to migrate to Oz, my parents have made secret that they think it is the most ridiculous idea!

    Therefore, we have been carrying on with the one process after the next, but can't share any hi's or low's with them... We are a family of five and me and the OH can only share the whole process with our eldest. It is like you say, we are doing this for our children!

     

    Good luck!

    Karen

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    Guest moonraker1959

    Really,how did you expect them to react?As excited as you?Maybe you were expecting too much.Please don't take this the wrong way,but I've heard this story time and time again.It does'nt matter what reasons you have,whether its more sunshine,better life for the kids,the list could be endless but at the end of the day,its not going to make one jot of difference to how upset parents can be.Saying its only 24 hrs away is not going to make much difference.You just as well be going to the moon.Their upset might be making you feel guilty when all you really want to do is feel happy and excited,natural,but maybe abit selfish.Show some compassion,go easy on them,and try to understand how they will feel not seeing you and your family.As I have said many times before, no one has children and expects them to be living 10,000 miles away.How would you be feeling,if in years to come your own children announced they were moving thousands of miles away,with your grandchildren?I've done the same thing to my Mum,but the other way around.She is in SA.She still misses me alot and yep I truly understand how she must feel,and do I feel good about it?Nope!

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    We have just told the family of our plans, and most have been telling us to "go for it!" My mum has taken it really badly and did not want me to contact her for a while, which led to 5 weeks of not seeing her. As you can imagine, that brought on alot of emotions and I ended up angry with her. We have sorted it now, but she does not agree with what we are doing.

    All can I do is try and look at it from her perspective, and I can see why she feels this way, even if I don't agree with her point of view.

    I do feel it is my responsibility to make a way for her to adjust to this difficult time, as it is me who is deciding to leave and thinking long term, I want to continue to have a good relationship with my family, even if apart.

    Although I have not intentionally hurt her, as my sister said, I need to take ownership of the fact that I have, and that helped me to reach out to her, as I was starting to feel bitter about her distancing herself from us. I love my Mum dearly, and she needed to hear that.

    My brother in law hit the nail on the head. He said we'd be disapointed if she had not reacted this way, as it shows how much we mean to her.

    All the best, i'm sure time will help with the whole process!

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    Well said Moonraker!

     

    I think that maybe, unless you are already a grandparent, you do not realise how important a grandchild is to a grandparent. Imagine if someone else was taking YOUR children to the other side of the world, how you would feel. Oh, you can skype, or visit once a year, (If you're lucky.), but that is not the same as frequent contact. You cannot hug or touch a child via skype, and that is a very important part of grandparenting a young child.

     

    I am a grandparent who's grandchildren are interstate. We are able to visit several times a year, and skype frequently. However, it is not the same as having the grandchildren come to your house on a regular basis, and going on frequent outings with the children, which is what we had until recently.

     

    We can understand the reasoning for the move, and be supportive in that respect, but it is a great loss to us personally.

     

    Parents have a right to go wherever they like with their children, but a little compassion for those left behind would go a huge distance in acceptance and understanding. It takes some time to get accustomed to the idea that you are going to lose your children, and especially grandchildren, and only see them rarely. It is a huge life change, depending on how much time was spent with them previously.

     

    Of course your parents are going to be upset, at least until they can get used to the idea. Wouldn't you feel a little disappointed if they rejoiced with you so much, that you began to wonder whether they couldn't wait to get rid of you?

     

    My advice, from the other end, would be to be gentle about the whole thing, and ACKNOWLEDGE the fact that you UNDERSTAND that they will be feeling a bit bereft, and that you are sorry to be taking the family away, but that you are doing it for whatever your reasons are, and that you hope they can visit and still have contact.

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    Guest helene73

    I personally can't wait till I am 10.000+ miles away from my in laws and my family :)

    I dont speak to MIL and I will be very disappointed that I don't see the look on her face lol (I may sound like the biggest bitch on the planet but she deserves it!!!) I fully expect her to kick off big time!!!

    When I told my mum I got "who is gonna look after me when I am old"!!! She never looked after her own mum, and certainly didn't look after me and my sister the way mum's should so stuff my lot, I have my own life to lead :)

     

     

    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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    Guest Ryan T. Lion
    I personally can't wait till I am 10.000+ miles away from my in laws and my family :)

    I dont speak to MIL and I will be very disappointed that I don't see the look on her face lol (I may sound like the biggest bitch on the planet but she deserves it!!!) I fully expect her to kick off big time!!!

    When I told my mum I got "who is gonna look after me when I am old"!!! She never looked after her own mum, and certainly didn't look after me and my sister the way mum's should so stuff my lot, I have my own life to lead :)

     

     

    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

     

    Brilliant! Good for you! :notworthy:

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    Guest WAITINGAME

    Great news on your move !!

     

    We are the same with families, my mum and dad have be very supportive and i have been able to talk to them through the tough times, tears and just down right fed up times.

     

    But his mum and dad are a different matter, were not aloud to mention it, talk about or anything !! They think there the devorted gran parents but there not they dont even come to see the kids for 6-8 wks at a time.

     

    They came round at weekend first time since feb, to see the house up for sale...guess what NEVER said a word...arhhhhh !!!

     

    Sorry for the rant...but its so annoying when you just need support every now and again !

     

    Lindsey

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    Guest fatman
    told my parents that we will be making the move yesturday, explained about the ss and the fact we are now just waiting fro a co. they are not happy no congrats or anything, i know they will miss the kids but thats one of the reasons we are leaving this country, i want to give my family the best oppertunuties they can have in life, as there is nothing here for them , i work to survive here its a struggle just to keep on top of bills. you would think your parents would understand . the mother inlaw is great she was so pleased for us but my parents could turn a sunny day to a dismal grey one. Never mind . IAM SO BORED OF THE UK GET ME OUT OF HERE !!!!!!!!!!:arghh:

     

    Hi there! ;)

    I remember when we told our family!! OH parents very supportive (but heartbroken inside, and still the same) my Mother was horrible at first (behind our back remarks like "oh I see, abandoning me", "the fact they have even thought about it is good enough for me!") ha ha ha... BUT, she is great about it now, infact supporting us all the way and totally understands the move.... One of our daughters who is a single Mum doesn't like to talk about us moving, I don't think she understands how we can leave her and our 3 yr old Grandaughter behind, although we are very close its very difficult for her and insists there is no way she could say goodbye at the airport... We are hoping one day they will love Adelaide enough to follow us out one day!

    We believe you have to do what you feel is best for your own little family unit, life is short! ... and yes "FAMILY" is what life is all about, BUT that shouldn't mean you have to live a discontented life when you have the chance to live somewhere else either! When we weighed up the positives against the negatives to moving the POSITIVES far out weighed the negs!!

    Follow your heart!! Good luck with the move, you will have a CO before you know it!

    Graham, Janis & Sophie Price (Aberdeenshire, Scotland)

    Meds passed, waiting for Visa anytime!!!

    :jiggy:

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    Guest cornish Busdriver

    Just been reading through the post and seen the mixed reactions.

    I think sometimes parent and grand parents are very selfish; you cant move 10.000 miles away you cant take my grand kids aways, how about the kids and there future and doing whats best for them?

    Our parents done the best for us when we were all kids and now todays parents are doing whats best for there kids so whats the difference ?

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    Hi there! ;)

    I remember when we told our family!! OH parents very supportive (but heartbroken inside, and still the same) my Mother was horrible at first (behind our back remarks like "oh I see, abandoning me", "the fact they have even thought about it is good enough for me!") ha ha ha... BUT, she is great about it now, infact supporting us all the way and totally understands the move.... One of our daughters who is a single Mum doesn't like to talk about us moving, I don't think she understands how we can leave her and our 3 yr old Grandaughter behind, although we are very close its very difficult for her and insists there is no way she could say goodbye at the airport... We are hoping one day they will love Adelaide enough to follow us out one day!

    We believe you have to do what you feel is best for your own little family unit, life is short! ... and yes "FAMILY" is what life is all about, BUT that shouldn't mean you have to live a discontented life when you have the chance to live somewhere else either! When we weighed up the positives against the negatives to moving the POSITIVES far out weighed the negs!!

    Follow your heart!! Good luck with the move, you will have a CO before you know it!

    Graham, Janis & Sophie Price (Aberdeenshire, Scotland)

    Meds passed, waiting for Visa anytime!!!

    :jiggy:

     

     

    Need any help when you get here, give us a shout.

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    Guest fatman
    Need any help when you get here, give us a shout.

     

    Hello Shaun!

    Thanks for the support! it makes a huge difference knowing there are families out there in similair circumstances.

    We sat our Meds March 25th, they have been passed over in Oz, so we are expecting word of our Visa soon. Only thing holding us back just now is selling our house (like lots of other folk). When the house is sold we plan to move over to Adelaide asap!

    We will def be in touch with you and a few others once we have our flights booked. It will be great meeting you all!

    Have a good week,

    Graham, Janis & Sophie Price (Aberdeenshire, Scotland) ;)

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    Both sets pf our parents were very supportive of our move here, they all knew the reasons as to why we were doing it, i lost my dad a couple of years before we were due to come here he was ace about it all....

     

    The MIL is out here now, has met a bloke and is looking at getting married alter on this year, my mum has been out here tqice already and is planning for April 2013 visit.

     

    The hardest person i had to tell was my lovely little boy back in the UK, i split up from his mum way back and she got really crappy after a while and she actually stopped me from seeing him for 4 years....now thats bad if you ask me.

     

    I used to send him birthday cards, christmas cards and the like then one year out of the blue he called me around christmas time, that was 4 months before we were due to come here.

     

    So we crammed as much into seeing him as we could, bear in mind we were in Gloucestershire and my little man was in Derbyshire, we had a very mad busy 4 months tooing and froing.

     

    Then came the time to tell him, it WAS the hardest most toughest thing i have ever had to do in my life...i felt like the horribilist, nastiest dad in the world...it broke my heart when i had to say goodbye to him...am welling up now.....i talk to him regularly through skype, or facebook etc etc....it kills me when i do call him and i hate myself when i dnt...it seems there is no winning.

     

    I know this has got nothing to do with telling the parents...but i found telling my little boy that his daddy was going to the other side of the world was in my opinion so much harder than telling anyone else.

     

    sorry to go off on a tangent.....

     

    HG

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    Guest SA Great
    Really,how did you expect them to react?As excited as you?Maybe you were expecting too much.Please don't take this the wrong way,but I've heard this story time and time again.It does'nt matter what reasons you have,whether its more sunshine,better life for the kids,the list could be endless but at the end of the day,its not going to make one jot of difference to how upset parents can be.Saying its only 24 hrs away is not going to make much difference.You just as well be going to the moon.Their upset might be making you feel guilty when all you really want to do is feel happy and excited,natural,but maybe abit selfish.Show some compassion,go easy on them,and try to understand how they will feel not seeing you and your family.As I have said many times before, no one has children and expects them to be living 10,000 miles away.How would you be feeling,if in years to come your own children announced they were moving thousands of miles away,with your grandchildren?I've done the same thing to my Mum,but the other way around.She is in SA.She still misses me alot and yep I truly understand how she must feel,and do I feel good about it?Nope!

     

    What a load of crap. No one has ever asked to be brought into this world and when you are here you should do whatever you want to do that makes you happy. If you want to emigrate to the other side of the world then do it. Parents should not expect you to hang around so you can wipe their bums when they are older, they should be happy for you whatever you choose to do.

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    told my parents that we will be making the move yesturday, explained about the ss and the fact we are now just waiting fro a co. they are not happy no congrats or anything, i know they will miss the kids but thats one of the reasons we are leaving this country, i want to give my family the best oppertunuties they can have in life, as there is nothing here for them , i work to survive here its a struggle just to keep on top of bills. you would think your parents would understand . the mother inlaw is great she was so pleased for us but my parents could turn a sunny day to a dismal grey one. Never mind . IAM SO BORED OF THE UK GET ME OUT OF HERE !!!!!!!!!!:arghh:

     

     

    Awwe hugs !!

     

    This is a common re action selfish parents .....Im afraid !

     

     

    You HAVE to follow your dream :D

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    Awwe hugs !!

     

    This is a common re action selfish parents .....Im afraid !

     

     

    You HAVE to follow your dream :D

    nice to read all reactions from different people , like you say you have to follow your dream.

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    Guest helene73
    What a load of crap. No one has ever asked to be brought into this world and when you are here you should do whatever you want to do that makes you happy. If you want to emigrate to the other side of the world then do it. Parents should not expect you to hang around so you can wipe their bums when they are older, they should be happy for you whatever you choose to do.[/quote

     

    Well said, exactly how I feel :)

     

     

    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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    I read people's stories about the leaving family behind and know I am very lucky to have such supportive parents who understand our reasons to be going. I know they are upset but they are also the first people to say to do it and not stay here because of them. They long ago realised we may end up in Australia and have been expecting it. And yes, my Mum is one of those who is quite firm on telling me to go live my life and that she didn't have me with the expectation I'd look after her in her old age. She subscribes to this so much that even when she was seriously ill some year back when I was living overseas she kept it from me. She was adamant when I did find out (she was recovering then) that she didn't want me to come back for anything longer than a short visit.

     

    They freely admit they'll miss us and their grandson terribly but are also prepared to learn to use Skype and Facebook and other things. And also get more into emailing and so on. Plus they are putting some money into an account each month for trips to Australia. We talk about the move sometimes with them but often its not brought up and that's fine. We don't keep it secret but we don't feel the need to overload them with talk of it either. We keep them posted as to the general plan and so on and fill in any important bits as we go.

     

    The thing is, we already know the other side of the coin with regards to having family living the other side of the world. My hubby is an Aussie and so of course, with the exception of a handful of family members, they are all in Australia living. So his parents and grandparents and other family have had to sit by and only read about their (great) grandson, nephew, cousin and see pictures and video. Thankfully Skype has changed the weekly phonecall to something more involved and we really embrace it. Some have made visits to the UK (my MIL and hubby's brother included) but until we went over for an extended holiday last year, most of them had never met our son (and lots of them had not met me even!) My son was almost two at the time. He'll be 4 or 5 by the time we get back there to live. So yes, we feel very torn as we want our son to know both sides of the family. Hubby has lots more family than me and also some having children in recent years whereas all mine had their kids years ago. So for us, we feel such mixed emotions but really do feel that being in Australia is best for all of us for so many reasons.

     

    And we have said 'never say never' about returning to the UK at some point in the future if we wish. Although we hope that it'll be permanent we accept we may decide to return for whatever reason. Hubby is working hard so as to enable us to at least make bi annual visits to the UK at least, even if he doesn't come along, myself and our son can visit to see family and friends.

     

    So yes, for us, whichever way we go, we leave family and friends behind. But thankfully have family and friends where we are going. And both hubby and I have made the choice to move to Aus together and everyone that matters is supportive, even if they are upset. Of course, for my MIL and other family over in Aus, they are delighted but also understand how the family and friends here are feeling.

     

    Ummm I don't know if there was a point to this. Just rambled. Anyways, 'nuff said :cute:

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    Guest WAITINGAME
    Both sets pf our parents were very supportive of our move here, they all knew the reasons as to why we were doing it, i lost my dad a couple of years before we were due to come here he was ace about it all....

     

    The MIL is out here now, has met a bloke and is looking at getting married alter on this year, my mum has been out here tqice already and is planning for April 2013 visit.

     

    The hardest person i had to tell was my lovely little boy back in the UK, i split up from his mum way back and she got really crappy after a while and she actually stopped me from seeing him for 4 years....now thats bad if you ask me.

     

    I used to send him birthday cards, christmas cards and the like then one year out of the blue he called me around christmas time, that was 4 months before we were due to come here.

     

    So we crammed as much into seeing him as we could, bear in mind we were in Gloucestershire and my little man was in Derbyshire, we had a very mad busy 4 months tooing and froing.

     

    Then came the time to tell him, it WAS the hardest most toughest thing i have ever had to do in my life...i felt like the horribilist, nastiest dad in the world...it broke my heart when i had to say goodbye to him...am welling up now.....i talk to him regularly through skype, or facebook etc etc....it kills me when i do call him and i hate myself when i dnt...it seems there is no winning.

     

    I know this has got nothing to do with telling the parents...but i found telling my little boy that his daddy was going to the other side of the world was in my opinion so much harder than telling anyone else.

     

    sorry to go off on a tangent.....

     

    HG

     

    I really bet this was hard ...any brought a tear to my eyes too !! :sad:

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    Guest moonraker1959
    What a load of crap. No one has ever asked to be brought into this world and when you are here you should do whatever you want to do that makes you happy. If you want to emigrate to the other side of the world then do it. Parents should not expect you to hang around so you can wipe their bums when they are older, they should be happy for you whatever you choose to do.

    So you think its crap to show some compassion towards those you're leaving behind?Nice!Look I've done it myself,I'm not saying to everyone who is about to emigrate,don't do it,stay because it'll upset your family!I'm just saying that when you do tell them,its probably wise to expect them to be upset,and if they are,then deal with it with understanding.Yes everyone has a right to do whatever they feel makes them happy,me included.I disagree that your parents "should"be happy whatever you choose to do.Its deluded to think they would be happy when you announce you're moving 10,000 miles away,especially if you have kids.Thats reality!

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    Guest cornish Busdriver

    I think there must be different kinds of parents.

    Thoes that cant let or refuse to let go of the apron stings and thoes that want to see there kids go out into the big wide world and make it for themselves.

    When i told my mum that i was moving to Oz she was very happy for me and supportive about the whole thing. As she said and i quote "i gave bith to you and brought you up the best we could, now your grown up and time to make your own way in the world. Sucseed or fail you wont know unless you try" I think i have the coolest mum in the world

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    I have had a terrible time with my parents about the move.We told them last April and they said we were selfish leaving them at their age even though at our age we couldn't leave it any longer!We left UK in December and they still hadn't spoke to us since we told them.It was really upsetting because I found the move hard too.It actually took my Mum to get cancer to get them to contact us to say sorry.I have been on standby to fly back for the last month but got the news yesterday that once the kidney was removed she now has the all clear.We speak every week now but I don't think it will ever be the same.

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