minty

D day tomorrow

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    Well we have told everyone else but tomorrow we are of to tell the wifes parents :sad:

     

    I guess its easy for me as i just have a sister and we are not close. She did not take it well but in all honesty im not that bothered. Her parting comment was are you telling mum. I have not spoken to my mum in 12 years so the answer was no. My sister hung up and as my dad died 4 years ago thats my family all dealt with.

     

    Wife is different. She and her brother are adopted. Her brother took it well yesterday but was upset but said if you dont do it now you will regret it forever. We have told all of her mum & dads friends today to forwarn them as they will get phonecalls straight after but tomorrow is going to be a long day.

     

    Her dad is 82 and a really nice guy. He cannot travel as he has had strokes, cancer, and is on enough pills to sink a small ship and is i guess on hes last legs. Her mum is 78 and is a good 78. Loves our 2 girls to bits and is going to be so upset.

     

    We have kept them in the loop as much as we can from our recce 2 years ago but as we progressed the mood changed from we will miss you but understand to i will have nothing to live for when we lodged the visa in jan 2010. Since then they said we dont want to talk about it no more so it has not been mentioned. When we told her best friends today to warn them they said oh they thought you had given up and forgot about it.

     

    The wife is firm, we are doing it for us and our children and is not wavering a bit but its going to be a long day though. Hope they accept our reasons and it does not get messy.

     

    I bet so many of you have been through this and for us its going to be the worst leaving bit by far. Just want it to go as well as it can be.

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    Guest SusieOR
    Well we have told everyone else but tomorrow we are of to tell the wifes parents :sad:

     

    I guess its easy for me as i just have a sister and we are not close. She did not take it well but in all honesty im not that bothered. Her parting comment was are you telling mum. I have not spoken to my mum in 12 years so the answer was no. My sister hung up and as my dad died 4 years ago thats my family all dealt with.

     

    Wife is different. She and her brother are adopted. Her brother took it well yesterday but was upset but said if you dont do it now you will regret it forever. We have told all of her mum & dads friends today to forwarn them as they will get phonecalls straight after but tomorrow is going to be a long day.

     

    Her dad is 82 and a really nice guy. He cannot travel as he has had strokes, cancer, and is on enough pills to sink a small ship and is i guess on hes last legs. Her mum is 78 and is a good 78. Loves our 2 girls to bits and is going to be so upset.

     

    We have kept them in the loop as much as we can from our recce 2 years ago but as we progressed the mood changed from we will miss you but understand to i will have nothing to live for when we lodged the visa in jan 2010. Since then they said we dont want to talk about it no more so it has not been mentioned. When we told her best friends today to warn them they said oh they thought you had given up and forgot about it.

     

    The wife is firm, we are doing it for us and our children and is not wavering a bit but its going to be a long day though. Hope they accept our reasons and it does not get messy.

     

    I bet so many of you have been through this and for us its going to be the worst leaving bit by far. Just want it to go as well as it can be.

     

    Best of Luck to you guys tomorrow...

     

    I really hope they take it better than what you are expecting, but if not just remember what you are doing this for!

     

    My family is easy too as I am English but living in Ireland with my hubby & 2 girls... so we dont see them too often anyway... My hubby's family are slightly different as they live next door!!! but they know what is happening & they arent too old so will possibly make a trip out to see us in the future (although they will be staying in a hotel cause there is no way they will be wrecking my head in my house... LOL)

     

    Hope it goes well... Sx

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    Guest Guest75

    Good luck. I'm sure it will be hard on you all. Great parents are sad but normally supportive once they get their heads around the idea.

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    Guest johnny.w

    Good luck tomorow, i'm sure they will understand.

    I see your a spark, may bump into you one day.

    Hope to be there in oct / nov.

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    Guest natmark

    My mum is very much the same (although she's in her 50's so in a position to come and visit).

    She doesn't like the subject being raised at all. She goes quiet and starts getting teary eyed which I can understand as we are taking her only grandchildren with us. My brother lives in the US so if he has any kids she won't see them much so to take mine away from her is too much for her to take.

    We've told her why we're doing this - to give our children a better life than they have here - and she agrees but it doesn't make it any easier. If we do get our visa I'm dreading the day we have to tell her!

     

    Good luck to you today!

     

    Natalie

     

    P.S. To make it worse - my mum is scared of flying!!

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    Will be thinking if you guys 2moro....we did our and they took it well they knew why we were doing it.

     

    Keep your eyes on the ball and focussed on why your doing and and tyou will be fine.....were all here if you wanna let off some steam....

     

    HG

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    Guest Buttons
    Well we have told everyone else but tomorrow we are of to tell the wifes parents :sad:

     

    Her dad is 82 and a really nice guy. He cannot travel as he has had strokes, cancer, and is on enough pills to sink a small ship and is i guess on hes last legs. Her mum is 78 and is a good 78. Loves our 2 girls to bits and is going to be so upset.

     

    The wife is firm, we are doing it for us and our children and is not wavering a bit but its going to be a long day though. Hope they accept our reasons and it does not get messy.

     

     

    I think children benefit from having a relationship with their grandparents, and I don't believe that moving them away to the other side of the world for a bit of nicer weather and a beach is worth the pain that people cause their families.

    Nobody should under estimate how hard it is to leave family, and personally I don't think emigration is always the right answer. I know its your choice, and I know that plenty of other people do it, but one day, when you are 82 and the one thing you enjoy is watching your grandchildren grow up, and then it's suddenly taken away from you, maybe you will understand what you are doing to your parents.

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    Guest helene73

    Good luck guys and stay strong :) x

     

     

    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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    I think children benefit from having a relationship with their grandparents, and I don't believe that moving them away to the other side of the world for a bit of nicer weather and a beach is worth the pain that people cause their families.

    Nobody should under estimate how hard it is to leave family, and personally I don't think emigration is always the right answer. I know its your choice, and I know that plenty of other people do it, but one day, when you are 82 and the one thing you enjoy is watching your grandchildren grow up, and then it's suddenly taken away from you, maybe you will understand what you are doing to your parents.

     

     

    Hi Buttons, this single desicion is the hardest part of our emigrating and we did not come to our desicion overnight.

    I belive you are right of course having grandparents around is a benifit but for us there are other factors and when we have added it all up we feel that our children will have a better life in Australia.

     

    Thats our right as parents, to do the best we can for our children.

     

    As for when im 82 yes i will be gutted if this happened to me but i would also like to think that even though i would be sad i would understand the reasons why and be able to look past my own personal loss.

     

    We have though the same about our wifes parents and after telling them this morning they are gutted BUT can see why and understand our reasons. Its been a long morning and im sure there will be more questions but there initial responce was as good as we could of expected.

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    Yeh know exactly how you feel. We had the same thing family hoping that it was just a fad we were going through and that eventually it would die off.

    We told our parents last month that our flights were booked and schools sorted for our daughter Lauren.

    Although Lauren sees her grandparents every week she seems quite relaxed about the move just hope this continues, I know the last week or so is going to be really hard for all.

    Thats why we have decided to go to the airport on our own I dont fancy blubbering my way around Manchester airport.

    Good luck with the in laws and the move.

     

    Trev Vicki and Lauren.

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    Guest moonraker1959

    Sorry but I agree with Buttons on this issue.I did the reverse to you.We emigrated way back in 1970 when I was just a small child,to Adelaide.28 years later I returned to the UK with my aussie kids.You may assume it might be quite easy,once you're over there,living your dream,but once the dust settles,your wife will miss her parents,as will no doubt the grandchildren.I knew it hurt my Mum alot when we left Adelaide,and even though we get back to SA to visit fairly regularly its not the same I'm afraid.You will of course have to tell your in laws but please be sensitive,which I'm sure you would be.As I have said to other posters,you may be high in the clouds with excitement but don't expect the people you're leaving behind to share that excitement.Its going to hurt both ways,and if your wifes father is on his last legs,you're going to need plenty of compassion and understanding.Best of luck.

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    Guest guest7008
    Well we have told everyone else but tomorrow we are of to tell the wifes parents :sad:

     

    I guess its easy for me as i just have a sister and we are not close. She did not take it well but in all honesty im not that bothered. Her parting comment was are you telling mum. I have not spoken to my mum in 12 years so the answer was no. My sister hung up and as my dad died 4 years ago thats my family all dealt with.

     

    Wife is different. She and her brother are adopted. Her brother took it well yesterday but was upset but said if you dont do it now you will regret it forever. We have told all of her mum & dads friends today to forwarn them as they will get phonecalls straight after but tomorrow is going to be a long day.

     

    Her dad is 82 and a really nice guy. He cannot travel as he has had strokes, cancer, and is on enough pills to sink a small ship and is i guess on hes last legs. Her mum is 78 and is a good 78. Loves our 2 girls to bits and is going to be so upset.

     

    We have kept them in the loop as much as we can from our recce 2 years ago but as we progressed the mood changed from we will miss you but understand to i will have nothing to live for when we lodged the visa in jan 2010. Since then they said we dont want to talk about it no more so it has not been mentioned. When we told her best friends today to warn them they said oh they thought you had given up and forgot about it.

     

    The wife is firm, we are doing it for us and our children and is not wavering a bit but its going to be a long day though. Hope they accept our reasons and it does not get messy.

     

    I bet so many of you have been through this and for us its going to be the worst leaving bit by far. Just want it to go as well as it can be.

    Will be thinking of you all tomorrow, hope it goes ok (well as ok as it can really!) PArents are so hard, my mum does not acknowledge it, she hoping it will all just go away (My dad died a while ago) she thinks it won't happen and if it does then we be back anyway!! Goodluck tho, be thinking of you The Rimmer's

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    Guest moonraker1959
    Will be thinking of you all tomorrow, hope it goes ok (well as ok as it can really!) PArents are so hard, my mum does not acknowledge it, she hoping it will all just go away (My dad died a while ago) she thinks it won't happen and if it does then we be back anyway!! Goodluck tho, be thinking of you The Rimmer's

    Its hard to imagine what it must feel like when your children are young,that one day yes they will of course leave home,but no one imagines it might be 10,000 miles away.I have 3 children,2 here(uk)and one in Adelaide.I had my son adopted at birth in Adelaide 29 years ago,and only met him fairly recently whilst we were back in SA visiting family.Cannot explain how much it hurts me that he is so far away,so I definately know what a parent feels like in that situation and I've only known my son for 2 years!!!I've heard people coming down heavy on their parents for not sharing their dream,I think thats quite unfair myself.We're only human.Yes life does go on,and the hurt does diminish somewhat over time,but whilst its raw,I think parents need to be shown alot of compassion and understanding.

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    Hi All,

     

    Well i touched on it a little yesterday at the end of a post but the announcment to the wifes patents went as well as expected :sad:

     

    They were gutted but listened to our reasons and in there own words although they are gutted they in part understand our reasons.

     

    We did not expect them to be happy for us but to just listen to our reasons, they did and it went so much better then the last time we spoke about it when we lodged the visa in Jan 2010. Then they said thats it, if you go we wont speak and we will not contact via skype ect. We pointed out that we hoped this stance had changed as we were going anyway but was it fair to cut of the grandchildren. They said they would never have done that and they were just trying to stop us going.

     

    I expect there will be some more long conversations about this before we go but we will go as we think this is right. They will be gutted and our relationships will probably never be the same but they will now skype and thats good for both them and our children.

     

    To the person who said what would i feel like if i was 82 and was told this by my children, well i would be gutted to but be happy for them. Someone on here has a signiture that says the best things we can do for our children is to give them roots and teach them to spread there wings (to that effect) and i could not agree more.

     

    I and we make our decisions in life trying to improve ourselfs and our lifes and that of our children. I would fully expect them to do the same with there lifes when they get older. It will mean that we brought them up right.

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    Guest moonraker1959

    I'm really glad that everything went well for you.Good luck.

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    I'm glad to read it went better than you had expected.

     

    I think what some are forgetting is that this is YOUR life to lead. You have made a huge decision and not taken it lightly. You are doing this in the hope that you are going to give your children a better life, and a better balance for you all as a family.

     

    You are more than aware that your wife's dad is very poorly and how sad and disappointed they'll be feeling now that they know what's happening. Unless you are very cruel, this isn't something you do on a whim or just to see how loved ones deal with it. You have already considered all this, weighed up the pros and cons and decided this is what is best for YOUR family.

     

    Not sure how old you are, but with age limits taken into account, there is only a window of opportunity - we don't have forever to do this. We can't wait until our parents have passed away to make the move in order to avoid the upset. We have to do this now, whilst we are young enough to enjoy it.

     

    We love our parents, but have to acknowledge that they have made their choices in life and have lived most of their life. This is YOUR time and YOUR decision, and this should be respected, too.

     

    I love my mum very much. At 65 she isn't in the best of health and is unlikely to ever visit us when we do go. She adores our 2 daughters as they do her, but she knows we hope to offer them better chances and choices than they may be offered if we stay put. Her eyes well whenever it is mentioned, which I try to limit, but I am conscious that she may be lulled into a false sense of security if I stop talking about it altogether.

     

    I dread the day we leave, because we will be leaving her behind, but I am looking forward to it too, as it will be the start of a new chapter in our lives.

     

    If I'm honest, I'd like for her to come with us or join us later, but I don't think it will be possible. Even though I know this, the decision to move is still the RIGHT decision for us, in OUR opinion.

     

    I wish you much luck and happiness with your future plans.

     

    Rachael xxx

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    Guest rockpool crab

    Hi there,

     

    We've been here since December 2008 and I thought it would get easier being separated from family but it hasn't really. I still miss everyone dreadfully.

     

    I have two kids one at 19 and one at 14. The 19 year old is having a ball and clearly tells us that if we were to go back that he would be staying in oz. My 14 year old periodically questions why we came here to live again as he misses grandparents.

     

    We have no family here and I think that makes it really difficult. Whilst we do now have an extended family i.e. close friends, it will never be the same.

     

    I often think about the hardship I put everyone through with regards taking their only grandchildren away from both sets of parents.

     

    That aside, my eldest son does tell his little brother about some of the things he saw back in Scotland that would scare him at times, local neds hanging about, drugs..now I'm not saying that it doesn't happen here but I don't see it as much as I did back in the day.

     

    I guess that answer would be ...if we were all rich enough to fly back for a month every year I'm sure it'd not be so bad, but realistically it's every couple of years if not longers.

     

    We went back last July for 3 weeks and my mum was sobbing when saying cheerio cause she knew it'd be a long long time before we were back. It's a sad fact of life and I struggle with it every day, some days obviously a lot worse than others, just tearful even typing this.

     

    I have always said that I wouldn't contemplate going back until I at least have citizenship which we can now apply for in March 2010..so only 10 months to go!

     

    I'm not saying we'll go back mind you ...as I know so many people who do that and after a fortnight of being back regret it.

     

    Anyways..I suppose what I'm saying is..it's all very emotional and does stay with you for a long long time, be prepared for feelings of guilt ..I still feel it :-(

     

    Carol Ann

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    Guest Team 'W'

    Aw good luck guys , its the hardest thing in the world to do [telling the parents] but i think its best to well prepare them in advance[just my thought] cos at least they can het their heads round it ,they will be selfish in their own rights ,but you cant blame them for that , we told my super mum at the very beginning and until the very last moment when i said my very last good bye she was STILL in denial ,lol but god "bless her cotton socks" she dusnt think any less of us for doing it [even tho STILL NOW ] after nearly two yrs she still wants us on the next plane home [but wont say it to us] so yep it will be very hard but has to be done ...

     

    Wishing you all the best

     

    Elaine

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    Pleased to hear your parents were understanding. Its always hard. I don't think any of us for one second take lightly what we are doing in moving to Australia.

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    Hi Buttons, this single desicion is the hardest part of our emigrating and we did not come to our desicion overnight.

    I belive you are right of course having grandparents around is a benifit but for us there are other factors and when we have added it all up we feel that our children will have a better life in Australia.

     

    Thats our right as parents, to do the best we can for our children.

     

    As for when im 82 yes i will be gutted if this happened to me but i would also like to think that even though i would be sad i would understand the reasons why and be able to look past my own personal loss.

     

    We have though the same about our wifes parents and after telling them this morning they are gutted BUT can see why and understand our reasons. Its been a long morning and im sure there will be more questions but there initial responce was as good as we could of expected.

     

     

    Be strong - you have made the decisions for the best reasons for your family. Yes, they will be devastated but will, in time, learn to live with it and hopefully understand why you have chosen to emigate.

     

    I speak as a parent who was quite ill for 2 years with stress related conditions leading up to my daughter leaving and until I was able to visit them all and see for myself what a great life they now have. I kept this to myself as much as I could as I didn't want to make their move any harder than it already was. I'm fit and well now and glad they are happily settled and living their dream.

     

    6 years on we are nearly at the end of the long process of getting a parents Visa and should be living nearer them all by Christmas. Not eveyone has this chance I know.

     

    Be firm, tell them you love them and pray that in time they will accept your decision and support you. Don't give up on them - they are hurting right now. Make sure they have access to a computer and know how to use a webcam before you leave - that can make a huge difference. Good Luck.

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