chrisfen46

Parents finaly except our moving

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    well at long last my parents have finaly excepted and understand our plans on moving to oz, after months of not even wanting to talk about it they cant stop going on about it, been to see them a few times in the past few weeks and they have both been asking questions and both now been very suportive which i good. It is going to be hard when the time comes to say goobye but it will be a lot easier now they have excepted it all ...

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    Guest leeannekays

    Hi Chrisfen, it is so hard when this is peoples way of dealing with it, my mum would not even discuss one thing about our move. it hurt me but i still kept mentioning it now and again. Suddenly she said she wanted to talk to me and said 'if its what i truly want them she will be happy and support me'. She does get upset alot about it as she will miss us terrible but i said she is very much in the plan and want her to come and stay with us. I explained the opportunity we have and we need to give it a good go.

     

    I told a very good friend of mine today and i know i have upset her to. She is happy for us but feels sad also and will miss our friendship. i feel rubbish now as im not doing it to upset my nearest and dearest. Have you had any negative experience or have upset friends?

    Leeanne x

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    Hi Chrisfen,

    We too faced the same problem. My parents (Mum especially) took a long time to talk about it. Mum still doesnt ask us things but waits for us to tell her, We leave fro our reccie trip this weekend and she was tearful on the phone the other night. I know my mum and dad are proud of what we want to achieve but it will always be hard for them to wave us off with a hug and a kiss and say enjoy your life....on the other side of the world. We want to change our lives and theirs but they do respect what we are doing and support us all the way.

     

    Take Care xxxx

     

    Allison(42) Alex(41) and Connor (15)

     

    Visa granted May'11

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    Guest dwethe

    I still have to tell my parents and so dont want to do it. Not sure when we will tell them, but I know i have to. We only got our visa 2 weeks ago. It is good to hear your stories to prepair me for what is to come.

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    We were pretty lucky in the fact my mum took it really well she knew the reasons behind it all and supported us all the way, the hardest part was the actual leaving and saying goodbyes.

     

    I lost my dad 5 years ago but he knew what our plans were and backed us up to.....

     

    Enjoy the time with your nearest and dearest back in the UK....

     

    HG

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    Guest nickcoumbe
    We were pretty lucky in the fact my mum took it really well she knew the reasons behind it all and supported us all the way, the hardest part was the actual leaving and saying goodbyes.

     

    I lost my dad 5 years ago but he knew what our plans were and backed us up to.....

     

    Enjoy the time with your nearest and dearest back in the UK....

     

    HG

     

    Similar situation to us. My Mum is almost too supportive!

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    Hi Chrisfen, it is so hard when this is peoples way of dealing with it, my mum would not even discuss one thing about our move. it hurt me but i still kept mentioning it now and again. Suddenly she said she wanted to talk to me and said 'if its what i truly want them she will be happy and support me'. She does get upset alot about it as she will miss us terrible but i said she is very much in the plan and want her to come and stay with us. I explained the opportunity we have and we need to give it a good go.

     

    I told a very good friend of mine today and i know i have upset her to. She is happy for us but feels sad also and will miss our friendship. i feel rubbish now as im not doing it to upset my nearest and dearest. Have you had any negative experience or have upset friends?

    Leeanne x

    we have not had anything like that from friends they have all been suportive and all planning visits . give them time and sure the will come round. you have to do whats best for you and your family, it is a great oppertunity so you have to take it and go for it and enjoy it.. good luck .

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    I still have to tell my parents and so dont want to do it. Not sure when we will tell them, but I know i have to. We only got our visa 2 weeks ago. It is good to hear your stories to prepair me for what is to come.

    That is the hardest bit we did tell my parents and nics mum at the start that was 4 yrs ago. then everything got put on hold we had 2 kids which hasnt helped , then the start of this year when we changed app from 175 to a 176 we got visas in may , so just when everone thought that we had given up we where telling them we where going. This may help i wrote my mum and dad a letter and broke the ice that way it has still taken them till now to except it mum did say she appriciated the letter. Tell them sooner rather than later ..

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    Guest guest3462

    When we told our parents it was like someone had stolen all the oxygen out of the air!! Awful!! It took a long time for them to come to terms with things and even now almost 3 years after we moved, and them both being over to visit, they still ask if we would come home every now and again. Having said that they are now fully aware of why we wanted this and the benfits it has had on our girls and wholly support our decision to give our girls what we think is the best life for them. My sister took the news the worst of all and she didn't speak to me for many months though we are now close again. Most things sort themselves out in time, we have to give our families time to grieve, as they are in esscence losing us and even though its only a day away, many parents fell they won't be able to make the journey (which is what both our mums said and theyve both been, Rich's mum twice and my mum is coming next week for the 2nd time)

    Most of our close family have since visited us and more plan to in the future, we went back to the UK after 2 years here in Aus, and we knew immediately that it was the best thing we had done in emigrating and couldn't wait to get back to Aus!

    Skype is an amazing tool an email helps too. Without that I'm not too sure how our parents would have coped (or us in the early days) but nowadays, we skype twice a week wednesdays and sundays and phone for a natter once a week which to be honest is sometimes more than we spoke at home!!! :-)

    Nobody ever has the intention of hurting loved ones when moving abroad, but inevitably we are an emoional species and there will always be hard times. You will deal with them and move on and when you are here and you are busy with your lives (which will be exactly the same as in the UK, ie work, cooking, cleaning, boozing,holidays etc etc) you will find yourself with little time to worry about the people you have left behind in the UK. You have to remember too that those loved ones will carry on with their lives from the minute you leave, and they will also be too busy to think that it is all doom and gloom.

    Good luck

    JC x

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    Guest leeannekays

    Thank you JC, Thats a great post. My mum talks about it now and asks questions and she has told friends etc. She said she wants to know about it but can not jump for joy. She does understand why we are going. I think it is time to let it sink in with loved ones. I have to tell my friends at my sons school next. Not sure when to do this or when to tell the school. We are flying to Adelaide in April next year.

    We know it will be such a good move for us as a family. Just had a real bad day yest and i felt awful and thought is this right. I do know it is right for us though. Ill get there. xx

    Leeanne xx

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    hi its hard thing having to leave the parents behind and knowing in the back of there mind's they dont want you to go but if your mind is set they cant stop you..i moved here 2008 and at heathrow it was the first time i cried infront of my dad since my mum passed away when i was 6..but seeing them saying good bye to there grand children was hard to watch but i knew it was the right choice. then october 2008 we had to return to spain to deal with a family member passing away but then had to go though the saying goodbye again at heahtrow.....but the truth is i took me 2 yrs for me to see that i had taken my kids from there nanny and grandad when i was at a friends kids party and i watch the children running to there nanny and thats when it hit me my children cant do that anymore.but the hardest part is my parents cant afford to come out here so its video call only :(.

    my point is you know you will make the correct choice,or sit back and just see how bad uk is?

     

    alex

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    these posts have really helped....we are due to fly on 28th december and process has taken longer than 2 years during which time we have updated both families at all stages......oh parents always changed subject and refused to acknowledge it and my mum seemed fine....now that its getting closer my mum is making me feel so bad....repeatedly asking my sister why we are taking her grandsons away, telling us how down and fed up she is and totally making our final few months here so miserable i am contemplating changing my flights and coming sooner!!!! i know that deep down she understands our reasons for wanting to emmigrate but she is now making me feel so guilty and i dont know how to help her come to terms with it......we asked her at the start if she would consider moving with us, have told her countless times that she must come over for as long as she can and as often as she cans but she is being so negative about everything i find myself not talking about it so as to avoid upsetting her......is this a similar reaction from other parents??????? any advice gratefully received.........

     

    kath (veterinary nurse)

    shaun (electrician)

    niall (15)

    billy (6)

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    Guest Lou

    We had talked about moving here for 9 years and every time my Mum found it too hard to talk about where as my Mother in law showed us details of houses we could buy as they loved it every time they had come here on holiday. April 2010 my husband went for a job and then moved here in September and I followed with our 3 kids in October. My Mum still found it hard as they thought they would not visit very often but came over in Feb this year for a month and loved it so much they will be back in Jan 2011. It was very difficult leaving them but skype makes the world seem so much smaller and they can still see the kids growing up. I know that my family know that we have made the move for the right reasons and now support us 100 per cent.

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    Guest sarahtwinn82

    My Mother-in law said we were only emmigrating to spite her.

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    Guest leeannekays

    OMG, thats awful. What is your response?

     

    My MIL has been great and said she is excited for us. Life is a journey.

     

    My mum on the other hand has said it rips her heart out to think we will be so far away. That really hurts me and makes me feel sick. It also gives me doubts. We will go though, we know its the right country to be in, its just the distance.

     

    Leeanne xxxx

     

    My Mother-in law said we were only emmigrating to spite her.

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    I am so lucky my MIL wants to come and join us once we ahve settled etc.!!!!! My Mum was really pleased for us before she died in May and my Dad is fine with the idea although he will be left with my brother - God help him!!! To be fair as my Ma & Pa were £10 POMS it would be hard for them to be awkward.

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    Guest sarahtwinn82

    My hubby told his mum that she has a very high opinion of herself to think that we travelled thousands of miles just to spite her, he shut her up by saying she wasn't even on our minds when we decided to emigrate.

     

    I understand it's hard when parents do the emotional blackmail thing and I know this sounds harsh but it's actually really selfish because ultimatly your only trying to give you and your kids a better future because there is no future left in the UK.

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    I felt like Leanne's mum at times but kept it to myself - I hate emotional blackmail. My daughter kept us involved with all their plans, emailing pictures frequently and providing links to all the houses they looked at etc. It really helped and we tried to be enthusiastic for them even though it hurt at times. We have been lucky enough to have visited them each year too and exploring SA for ourselves.

     

    Little did they know that 5 years on we too would be moving to Adelaide be a little nearer them all and hopefully see more of our granddaughter as they grow up (We shall probably be about 10-15 minutes away - handy for the odd school run and occasional baby-sitting but not too close - we need to make a new life for ourselves too!)

     

    Don't feel bad or guilty - you are making the move for YOUR family and parents should give you roots to grow from, not anchors to hold you back - stay strong and assure them you still love them and are not deliberately abandoning them!

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    Guest leeannekays

    Great post jtct, That last paragraph is really good. I know my mum finds it hard however she can come visit. It will give us a better life with better work prospects for my OH. More family time and im going to grab it with both hands.

     

    Leeanne

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    Our first trip to Adelaide to visit the family made a huge difference. Once we could actually see them all in their lovely new home, be assured how well they had settled in, enjoy sharing in the great life the girls had (now 5 & 8) and see how much less stressed the life/work balance was, we relaxed and accepted this really was the best descision for them. We can't wait to join them soon even though it has cost us a huge amount of our retirement savings. Hopefully our only son (and last remaining member of our family) may decide to come out one day too!

     

    Good luck to all of you leaving parents, family and friends behind - its never easy but you do eventually learn to cope with separation. (Skype helps) Hopefully some of them will be able to visit one day.

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    Guest ozfish
    When we told our parents it was like someone had stolen all the oxygen out of the air!! Awful!! It took a long time for them to come to terms with things and even now almost 3 years after we moved, and them both being over to visit, they still ask if we would come home every now and again. Having said that they are now fully aware of why we wanted this and the benfits it has had on our girls and wholly support our decision to give our girls what we think is the best life for them. My sister took the news the worst of all and she didn't speak to me for many months though we are now close again. Most things sort themselves out in time, we have to give our families time to grieve, as they are in esscence losing us and even though its only a day away, many parents fell they won't be able to make the journey (which is what both our mums said and theyve both been, Rich's mum twice and my mum is coming next week for the 2nd time)

    Most of our close family have since visited us and more plan to in the future, we went back to the UK after 2 years here in Aus, and we knew immediately that it was the best thing we had done in emigrating and couldn't wait to get back to Aus!

    Skype is an amazing tool an email helps too. Without that I'm not too sure how our parents would have coped (or us in the early days) but nowadays, we skype twice a week wednesdays and sundays and phone for a natter once a week which to be honest is sometimes more than we spoke at home!!! :-)

    Nobody ever has the intention of hurting loved ones when moving abroad, but inevitably we are an emoional species and there will always be hard times. You will deal with them and move on and when you are here and you are busy with your lives (which will be exactly the same as in the UK, ie work, cooking, cleaning, boozing,holidays etc etc) you will find yourself with little time to worry about the people you have left behind in the UK. You have to remember too that those loved ones will carry on with their lives from the minute you leave, and they will also be too busy to think that it is all doom and gloom.

    Good luck

    JC x

     

    Thanks for this post...i am really in a quandry...passed ielts in july but we will be leaving my twin sis and my dad behind if we def decide to go...this is messing with my head so much that iam stalling the visa application...i dont want to mess up my future and that of my hubby n kids just cos iam too nervous to take the plunge!!!!:sad:

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