phil&Sue

16 months here, soo homesick, thinking of returning to UK

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    I know first 2 yrs are hardest, but apart from climate, can't think of any gd reason why I am here....

    Really miss being near old friends n some family..

     

    tougher than I imagined....

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    I hear you. I'm in a similar predicament at the moment. Maybe if it's an option to you is to try a trip back to the UK to see how you feel when you're back there. I don't want to move back until I've been back and made sure my mind is made up.

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    Guest guest569

    yes its hard and 99% felt the same in the first few years at some point. I personaly believe that we up lift and move for a reason. some need a change, some need to fix things that aren't working right !!! To coin a phrase as after 6 years here its " the same **** just a different bucket with sunshine in !!!" It really does get better but a " holiday" back won't fix your doubts. Are the friends you left behind still the same ?? doing the same thing ?? Or have they moved on, married kids ...ect...? You will find here in time what you left behind. Good luck.

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    Its a good idea about taking a trip back, but bear in mind its not going to be anything like the reality of living back there again. You'll be on holiday, people will usually make more of an effort to take some time to see you, go out, socialise and so on. It can always seem so lovely going back for a visit but once actually living there again, people go on with their lives as normal, you don't see them so much etc. The daily grind is still the same wherever you are. And as has been said, people move on with their lives back in the UK and often we don't fit in quite as we did before we left, as much as we might want to.

     

    Is there specifics you are missing, or just family and friends in general? If its missing people, sometimes more time spent Skyping, writing and so on can help. Of course, you may do this loads anyways. Personally I always find it better to limit this sort of thing and to not spend my time thinking about things back in my homeland. I think the longest I was away from the UK between visits was just over 2 years and I made do with a bi weekly phone call to my parents and letters to friends once or twice a month. I went back to the UK for 10 days and after less than a week I was itching to return to the other country and realised what I had left behind, well, grass wasn't greener or anything like that.

     

    Some people do struggle to settle living overseas. Its no failure to admit it isn't for you. But do consider carefully where you are struggling and what you could do to help improve things in the short (and longer) term. Sometimes its making friends, having interests, just can be hard to put yourself out there. Other times its lack of funds, worries about things back in the UK and so many other things can distract you from beginning to feel settled overseas.

     

    I tended to bring both feet over and not leave one stuck in the UK. It seemed to help me to not dwell on what was going on back there, what people were up to and so on. Mind you, I am not one to really feel homesick as such and have spent my entire adult life living away overseas or at least a couple of hours away from family and friends I knew from my younger days. Doesn't bother me not being around them on a daily/weekly/monthly basis. I guess also being married to someone who is living away from his home country (hubby is an Aussie) and who is also fine being away from home and so on helps. We tend to be fine on our own, but of course seeing the Aussie family is lovely for hubby, but he doesn't miss them to the point he is homesick or hasn't settled here. Same for me with my family and friends. I don't mind not seeing them for months at a time or longer. Doesn't upset me or the balance in our family life. If you are struggling with the balance, the missing people, it can make it so much harder so I hope you are able to find a solution that works for you.

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    Twenty years on and I still feel the same at times, but just I live from day to day and get on with it as the rest of the family have settled and now we have grandchildren and rooots here the chance of ever returning to the UK to live (much as I'd like to) alre almost NIL - its not a bad old life though - in the summer especially.

     

    Jenny

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    My main issue is with work. I actually miss the buildings from the UK as sad as that may sound. Working in architecture, it's just not the same here as all buildings are new and the same with no character. I miss working with barn conversions and listed buildings. I seriously hate work here. If it wasn't for that I'd be happy here.

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    Guest micky-drip

    i'm amazed how many people do not like it here, it makes me feel normal, i have only just discovered this website after being here 28 years and regretted not not going back after a couple of years

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    i'm amazed how many people do not like it here, it makes me feel normal, i have only just discovered this website after being here 28 years and regretted not not going back after a couple of years

     

    hi micky,

    couldn't put it better myself, cheers

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    We ended up returning to the UK having lived in Melbourne for a year in 2009. We were back for a couple of months and realised that nothing had changed and the reasons why we wanted to leave were still there and hadn't gone. We were fortunate enough to get sponsored to come back out and since returning couldn't ever imagine going back to the UK to live.

     

    I'm an engineer and i know what you mean Leigh about the quality and types of buildings here, but that's also what i like about Adelaide, it's trying to find an identity (slowly). There are some exciting projects planned, the new RAH, Adelaide Oval redevelopment, Southbank redevelopment (to name but a few). There will also be money flooding into the state when the Olympic dam expansion starts and all the Uranium resources are mined. Perhaps for you it's a case of moving to one of the bigger cities where the variation in building types is more prevalent or going back to the UK - you'll not stop feeling the way you feel if you don't do something about it? Incidentally, what architect practice do you work for?

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    we been here 14 years and always saying to my wife what are we doing here and she always says I don't know lets go back but never seem to get futher than that the kids are grow up have grand kid so I think thats holding us back.

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    ((((((hugsallround)))))))

    Will be back later maybe to come and put something on this thread but being "real" with yourselves about it is the first step I think. Nothing worse than the emperor's new clothes which there's nothing to be gained by.

    Good point to be wary of a trip back to the UK to decide...we actually do want to stay here despite the difficulties we have from time to time but I pretty much didn't want to come back at the end of the trip. Some of that was circumstantial reasons with a family crisis here to come back and face, but some of it was just really really enjoying my family. Although it was short enough since I'd last seen them to know that rose tinted spectacles were not telling the whole story. I didn't leave the UK because of family or any reasons like that, but even so, knew enough not to make family an idol in terms of going back. Or staying!

     

    Oh, eta: our trip back was just a holiday, and to introduce our first daughter to my family. It wasn't a "reccie" for going home. Though almost became one!

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    Think just over half that come from the UK return back to the UK.

    Good luck with what ever decisions you make, just remember how hard it was to get out here.

    It's not that hard to go back, I wonder why!

    Over populated and under appreciated enjoy the home land..

    I'm staying put!!!

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    It not hard to go back as you are still a British and dont need a visa.

    Think just over half that come from the UK return back to the UK.

    Good luck with what ever decisions you make, just remember how hard it was to get out here.

    It's not that hard to go back, I wonder why!

    Over populated and under appreciated enjoy the home land..

    I'm staying put!!!

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    Think just over half that come from the UK return back to the UK.

    Good luck with what ever decisions you make, just remember how hard it was to get out here.

    It's not that hard to go back, I wonder why!

    Over populated and under appreciated enjoy the home land..

    I'm staying put!!!

    You of all people know how hard I felt with the move.I cried every day for the first 6 months and then one day I thought...some people would give anything to be here,so I decided to try and give it the best I had.And It is hard sometimes,and you feel 'empty' sometimes too but I am falling in love with SA a little bit more every day.We won't be going anywhere anyday soon.The Stringy's.x

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    You of all people know how hard I felt with the move.I cried every day for the first 6 months and then one day I thought...some people would give anything to be here,so I decided to try and give it the best I had.And It is hard sometimes,and you feel 'empty' sometimes too but I am falling in love with SA a little bit more every day.We won't be going anywhere anyday soon.The Stringy's.x

     

    Hi stringfellows, i feel "empty" some of the time. it was a long wait with huge expense to get here, with the whole stress, don't think we are "working together" some of the time, huge stress on our marriage, thats why i mainly think about returning to fam. and friends. we have had a death in family in June in UK, v sudden, so really feel for grandparent that is left, i know uk is grey n damp, and i just think we don't want to die here!!, so whats point in building memories etc, i think we will return anyway, i just don't think i can stick it out for 3/4 yrs, as i don't feel 100% secure (hubby doesn't jump on here hardly ever, so there we go!!!!, no big deal)

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    Guest Squareman

    I agree with the sentiment that many people from all over the world would love to get in here. Life can be so ironic.

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    Why did you make the move?

    are you getting out of the move what you would?

    If not why do you think not?

     

    Just some questions you may need to ask yourself.

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    Guest Jo&Phil
    My main issue is with work. I actually miss the buildings from the UK as sad as that may sound. Working in architecture, it's just not the same here as all buildings are new and the same with no character. I miss working with barn conversions and listed buildings. I seriously hate work here. If it wasn't for that I'd be happy here.

     

    I came from a medieval city to Adelaide so have some sympathy with this view ... but that's what you get when you live somewhere were the built environment is only about 200 years old I guess. Grand Designs is super-popular here ...... can you envisage a career change and design some grand designs for people hankering after the new and different?

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    Guest Jo&Phil
    I know first 2 yrs are hardest, but apart from climate, can't think of any gd reason why I am here....

    Really miss being near old friends n some family..

     

    tougher than I imagined....

     

    I would suggest a holiday back in the UK .... see if what you think you are missing is what is really calling to you.

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    I know first 2 yrs are hardest, but apart from climate, can't think of any gd reason why I am here....

    Really miss being near old friends n some family..

     

    tougher than I imagined....

     

    Do you work? Often when you have a job you enjoy, it can make a big difference as you have that social connection and also meet people. My partner always tended to feel a bit fed up and missed family and friends when work was not going so well, but once she was in jobs she enjoyed and met new friends through work and studying she never looked back.

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    Do you work? Often when you have a job you enjoy, it can make a big difference as you have that social connection and also meet people. My partner always tended to feel a bit fed up and missed family and friends when work was not going so well, but once she was in jobs she enjoyed and met new friends through work and studying she never looked back.

     

    hi mr technical, work happiness is so important, i am not in the profession i want to be, so that is definitely a big chunk of it, thanks for making me realise this again!!!

     

    any other "homesick mums of toddlers?!!" who live anywhere near Mitchell Park and fancy connecting occasionally, would be gd, thanks lots:) anyone interested?!!!

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    Guest scmercer
    Do you work? Often when you have a job you enjoy, it can make a big difference as you have that social connection and also meet people. My partner always tended to feel a bit fed up and missed family and friends when work was not going so well, but once she was in jobs she enjoyed and met new friends through work and studying she never looked back.

     

    Hi Sue

    This post is so true. I think if I had of been meeting more people though work and study then it would have made it easier for me. I know you are in a similiar position that I was in. I was actually still on maternity leave from my last employer when I arrived in Oz and I just didnt realise how hard it would be to adapt. I had never not worked before and trying to look for work with a toddler and a new baby in a strange country was so difficult. This really added to my homesickness and as a result found it hard to settle as my life in Oz was so different to the life I had in the UK. In hindsight, I should have realised this wouldn't have lasted forever but I couldn't think beyond how I felt then.

     

    Being back in the UK is nice for the kids to have family and friends around, but I am now starting to feel homesick for Adelaide!

     

    I hope you are able to sort things out and do what is best for you and your family.

     

    Thinking of you

     

    Sheila x

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