Dancer Family

Should we stay or go ...

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    Hi

     

    We have been here for 21 months now but I still get very very homesick, I miss my family and friends so much. Hubby is happy here but would go back if I wanted to, kids (ages 13, 11, 9 and 3) are settled but would also be happy to go back. We both have jobs here, have made friends and have bought our own house - my idea to help me settle (failed!) - but I just can't think of Adelaide as 'home'. I don't want to be sat here in 5 years time thinking we should of gone back before it was too late.

     

    Lisa

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    Guest Barney Rubble

    have you only been in Adelaide or have you been to any other parts of the country ?

     

    Just a thought:idea:

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    If you are still feeling really unsettled would a trip back to the UK be something that might help? So you can have a few weeks to assess and see how you feel a couple of months later about being back in Adelaide?

     

    If the rest of your family say they are happy to go back that helps should you decide to return. But even though they have said that, some of them, including yourself, might find once back there they realise they would rather be over in Aus. It does happen :) Do you have options open to you to return to Aus if you find once you are back in the UK you would in the end prefer to be in Aus.

     

    I think if you are going to go back, you need to do it sooner rather than later for your eldest's education as GCSE's are upcoming and at 13/14 they'd be into choosing which subjects and so on. So September this year would be a good point to return by so they can all start the school year from the beginning.

     

    Some people never settle to where they move to. Be it 15 minutes down the road or the other side of the world. Its not a bad thing and I do hope you are able to decide. I think ultimately this seems to hinge on what *you* want to do with the rest of the family happy to go along. But be really sure its the right thing for everyone before you up sticks is all I can say. Would you be able to return to the same area of the UK you moved from or would you go elsewhere? Employment isn't great here but there are jobs out there, just there is a lot of competition for them and many people are put on rolling contracts these days, so 6 months or 1 year only and never certain to get them renewed depending on the economy (at least in the public sector). Consider your employment prospects and do some proper research into this wherever you are considering living in the UK. There are plenty of reasons the UK is a lovely place to live, but honestly, right now in some aspects of life here, there are noticeable differences even to when you left 21 months ago and not for the better. And some of those things, set to get worse.

     

    Homesickness is a tough thing. Some people cope better away from family and friends than others. Mind you, once back you may find you didn't miss them as much as you thought you did and would feel like you could cope being away from them. There really is no way to know how you are going to feel if you move back to the UK. I moved back to the UK after 8 years away and tbh, being gone so long I really didn't belong anymore. A few friendships are there still, but we've all moved on with our lives and don't live in each others pockets anymore. Luckily it never bothered me and I never settled back in my hometown anyways, have moved around the UK slowly since my return.

     

    Good luck with whatever you do :)

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    Christmas always brings these feelings out - we have been here nearly 6 years and talk about what "if" - we have citizenship & I would urge you to get that under your belt. The exchange rate blows your mind too $1.50 to buy the pound now as opposed to $2.33 when we came !! Good luck which ever way you decide

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    Guest Jo&Phil

    Perhaps you could go home for a visit. This might help you compare the differences between your current life in Adelaide and the one you would have in the UK. Can you also encourage friends and family to come out and visit you?

     

    I'm sure the reasons you decided to migrate are still very valid ... it's very normal to feel homesick or uncertain ...there must be more options for you other than simply returning to the UK. I know my cousin was in similar position and returned to the UK only to come back to Oz a year later. That was expensive!

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    Guest Sachertorte

    Hi Lisa,

     

    We have been here for 2 1/2 years and I have personally had the moment when I thought of living here as being "at home" only a few weeks ago. It's easy to idealise what we left behind... I have emigrated now for the second time and I can honestly tell you that every time I go back to my home country I felt I had been missing, within a few days I have found myself thinking "what I am doing here???" But then, whenever I am away I do miss it again.

     

    I have been through your predicament as a child - mum missed family etc, so we relocated to her hometown but boy did she live to regret it.

     

    I visited the place where I could have grown up in my adult years and did think my parents must have been crazy to go back "home".

     

    It really helps to make a list of what the pros and cons are as you feel/see them. Remember what brought you here... has Adelaide failed your expectations?

     

    What were you looking for before you came?

     

    I realised that we cannot expect a place to make us feel at home, we just need to make ourselves "at home"... subtle but fundamental shift in mindset

     

    Take care and all the best

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    Guest James

    Hi I have just the same issues. Am right now getting a quote for removals but worried about getting a job back home. I reckon if you can stick it for PR that is worthwhile, citizenship is a long time if you do not enjoy it. Life should be some fun too! In my case I am also worried about elderly relatives in UK.

     

    On a philisophical level I wonder if we expect too much of us. We have come right across the world, a very different land with the moon and stars at different angles, different seasons etc. Some people will take a long time to adapt and some never will and that is fine. It is working out which you are. I know this will never be home to me and I guess you have an instict about that, if that is the same for you just decide if you can tolerate it enough and set a time limit. One thing is for sure the world economy is uncertain so it may become increasingly difficult to go from one place to other and get jobs. Any way bets of luck and who knows you may suddenly snap into it. I have heard people say two years. I am more than that and still not settled.

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    Been here 20 months, and do still struggle with homesickness q a lot, atm, am weighing up what to do during the next yr!!, like you James we do fear job situation a lot in the UK, v tough one altogether xx

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    Hi Diane, know exactly where u r coming from, 20 months in now, i know what u mean about "before it is too late", i am agonising over decision, all the best in the decision making,,,,,

     

    Se

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    We have been here 14 year and still don't call here home we debate every year what we are going to do going back or will we stay for another year.Older children and grandkids hold us back.

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    Guest Barney Rubble
    We have been here 14 year and still don't call here home we debate every year what we are going to do going back or will we stay for another year.Older children and grandkids hold us back.

     

    When i hear people debate this i always say "Paul Young"

     

    Wot ?

     

    "Where ever i lay my hat" (that's my home) :wink:

     

    Song back in the 80's . . . . . .

     

    So i'm told :embarressed:

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    Guest pauljoinoz

    Not sure if this helps or not, we were in the same situation as you always thinking about back home friends & family. We finally made the choice to come home after nearly 3 years at the end of September (two winters back to back :0/) I couldn't go thinking will we or won't we & just wanted to feel settled.

     

    I can honestly say it is the best decision we ever made I get on with my life every day & I am not always thinking 'do we stay or go' life is just back to normal now & Australia was a wonderful life experience. I now appreciate so much more back home & all the stupid things that wound me up about the country don't seem to matter as I now know that 'nowhere' is perfect!

     

    We came home on holiday first after 21 months & I knew within a week that I would come back, just bumping into familiar faces when you least expect it is lovely!!

     

    The media seem to make the UK seem dreadful & i guess it depends where you are from we live in Essex & everyone we know is still working & getting on with life. My husband has found work easily & although the money isn't the same as Australia nor are our outgoings.

     

    I really hope this helps just my personal experience we are all different.

    Good luck :wink:

     

    Jo

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    Guest Sachertorte

    Hi Jo...Maybe it might be worth taking the business advert off your signature.... since you are back to the UK :wink:

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    When i hear people debate this i always say "Paul Young"

     

    Wot ?

     

    "Where ever i lay my hat" (that's my home) :wink:

     

    Song back in the 80's . . . . . .

     

    So i'm told :embarressed:

     

    That's how hubby and I feel, perhaps him more than me. He's happy in the UK living, happy in Aus. Has positives and negatives to both, but things balance themselves out. I've yet to live in Aus long term but I'm more than happy to move there and call it home. Luckily we both like each others home countries so don't worry overly. TBH, we are pretty self sufficient in terms of company and so on and so could pretty much live anywhere so long as we were together.

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    Guest Barney Rubble
    That's how hubby and I feel, perhaps him more than me. He's happy in the UK living, happy in Aus. Has positives and negatives to both, but things balance themselves out. I've yet to live in Aus long term but I'm more than happy to move there and call it home. Luckily we both like each others home countries so don't worry overly. TBH, we are pretty self sufficient in terms of company and so on and so could pretty much live anywhere so long as we were together.

     

    :wubclub:

     

    pity we didn't catch up whilst i was over there a few months ago !

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    Guest Cornish Pasties

    Hi Lisa,

     

    So very sad to hear that you are not settling as I remember your family so well from Phil Spencer Downunder. We were already very keen on the Hallet Cove Area so think I've watched that edition about 15 times!!! it's such a shame that you are still suffering from homesickness. I know that I've heard so many people say that you must give it a minimum of 2 years before you start thinking about making a decision as it's such a huge adjustment to your life. Certainly good advice from all above re getting your citizenship as then you have the option to return to Oz should you decide that the UK isn't as green as you thought. Also, yes this time of year does make us think of loved ones so if you need a trip back then do it....check it is still as you thought & what you want. It's very easy for me to say as I'm still in the UK but I'm sure it wasn't an easy task moving a family of 4 to Oz so please give it a good chance. We are still aiming for Hallet Cove early Jan 2013 so if all goes well hopefully I will be bumping into the Dancers in HC...wishing you the very best of luck whatever you decide is best for you & your family.

    Zoe x

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    Guest Mo24

    Have read all the posts and agree that the pull of home can be very strong. I am a 'senior'. Have been here five years now and am married to an Aussie which has helped me on many levels. However, I am very aware of the cultural divide as my husband and I often find that in discussions we still have misunderstandings through different language usage... this can be most frustrating and at times I feel extremely isolated and foreign. Looking at pros and cons is a good idea and I feel very privileged to be living here and hope to get citizenship this year. Try and keep a foot in both camps if at all possible. My son and family emigrated to Perth, WA. two years ago. He went through an unsettled period but they both have good jobs in W.A. and as I was back in Scotland for five months in 2011, I was able to tell him that the economic situation in the U.K. is dire. His two kids are in High School in Perth and although they got a first class education in Scotland, I know that they have a good future here in Oz. Cheers

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    Guest Stephen Betteridge

    We have been here for 21 months now but I still get very very homesick, I miss my family and friends so much. Hubby is happy here but would go back if I wanted to, kids (ages 13, 11, 9 and 3) are settled but would also be happy to go back. We both have jobs here, have made friends and have bought our own house - my idea to help me settle (failed!) - but I just can't think of Adelaide as 'home'. I don't want to be sat here in 5 years time thinking we should of gone back before it was too late.

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