sharons dream

struggling to settle

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    well everyone its still early days for us. we have been here 11 days and im struggling to settle. i just want to go home all the time. i just dont feel happy here but i know i should cause this is my life long dream. i keep asking myself what is wrong with me? what is wrong with australia? its getting me down so much right now. we have just signed a 12 month rental agreement so now i feel even more trapped. to all you that love it here i dont mean to sound ungrateful. this as been a dream of mine for as long as i can remember but its not home.

    moan over.

    sharon x

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    Guest shella_n

    Hi Sharon

     

    I think most of us have been where you are now - it will get better!!! I don't have any magic words of wisdom other than take each day as it comes & know that you are not going mad - most if us have been there.

     

    Best wishes

     

    Michelle

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    Good news, me and Andy have found somewhere to watch the United game. Bad news the kick of is at 23.30. See you in the morning ;)

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    Hi Sharon

     

    We have been here since Sept last year and i have days when I love it, days when I like it and days when I wish I was still in the UK...on those days I try to get to the beach and just sit or stroll along it, it was advice given to me by someone who had been here longer than me and it does help..just stand and say to yourself the reasons you came to Australia.

    I have just got a job, which was a hard slog, but it def makes it seem more like home now, having that routine back in your life.

    Take each day slowly, and im sure you will go to bed and all of a sudden..think, wow that was a great day..I love it here!

    Sending you a hug and wishing the best.

    Sarah

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    Unfortunately there are no magic words to make it all better......we are all different and will take different times to adjust and settle. I hope you feel better soon!!

     

    Just remember a lot of us in here have been in the same situation!!

     

    Dan

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    Hi

    It will get better, it just takes a bit of time. Also once you have your own familiar stuff around you, that take sthe edge off of it a bit. I never felt quite like that but can remember worrying what I was going to do all day, with no furniture, Jason at work and the kids at school. Can remember being at the Colonnades a lot and then all of a sudden it clicked into place. Just give yourself a bit of time and don't be too hard on yourself if you feel like that.

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    Guest bidsandrew

    Oh Sharon, I do feel for you, it is so hard when you are feeling like that. Again no words of wisdom as you will have days like that and it is so normal. You have been preparing for this day for so long and you kind of spend all your energy and time in getting here that when you do actually get here it is all a bit unreal and a bit unsettling. Dont give up though, things will get easier if you want them to, try to focus on why you have spent however many years trying to get here and as someone else said, go for a walk along the beach it just lifts your spirits.

     

    Also remember you are allowed to feel like you do, you have left everything you have ever known! But look at the great place you have come to and what you are doing for your family and take comfort in the fact that it will get better.

     

    Give me a shout if you want to talk (im Bridget from PP's!)

     

    Bridget

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    Hi there, I too understand how you feel, but it is very early days and most of us reading will have felt like this at some point... We have been here 18 months now and on the whole I am very happy but still have the odd glitch here & there of wanting to go home... I like others will say hamg on in there, it is a roller coaster but go with it because it will get easier as life here becomes more familar... Hang on in there...

    Kind Regards

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    well everyone its still early days for us. we have been here 11 days and im struggling to settle. i just want to go home all the time. i just dont feel happy here but i know i should cause this is my life long dream. i keep asking myself what is wrong with me? what is wrong with australia? its getting me down so much right now. we have just signed a 12 month rental agreement so now i feel even more trapped. to all you that love it here i dont mean to sound ungrateful. this as been a dream of mine for as long as i can remember but its not home.

    moan over.

    sharon x

     

    The trials and tribulations of all the work required to get her, the emotional upheaval, the house sale, the form filling, the waiting - can mean that you get here and feel a bit flat. That's not surprising, so don't worry about feeling displaced, it's not the same as being misplaced.

     

    Make sure you get on with what needs to be done, but give yourself a break. Rome wasn't built in a day (they needed a long time to develop their driving skills) so take each day as a new one.

     

    All the best,

    Cooler

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    Guest markandcate

    Hi Sharon, We know exactly how you are feeling! It took us 3 years to get here and now we are here, we want to go back to the UK! We arrived in September 2011 and things were great for us until about the end of November, then it hit us that we wasn't happy here. We have family here so we are not on our own but we have realised that our life back in the UK was exactly how we wanted it and we miss all our friends and family still over there. We are giving it a bit longer as we are signed into our rental til October and our house in England has a tenant til then aswell but if we are still feeling the same we are heading back! Try and enjoy it while you are here, and think of it as a long holiday, thats what we are doing!! Good Luck, xxx

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    Guest Rochesdownunder

    Hi Sharon

    We are here since april 2011 and I have had a real hard time settling in. Oh half and 3 kids love its only me that has felt so lonesome for home \

    things do get easier It is a case of chin up and take one day at a time. We are just after moving to Henley beach 10 days ago and things have improved Big time for me So it really is case of one day at a time. I have really had to stick at it and it is after coming together finally

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    I think jet lag might be making you overthink things! Be kind to yourself and take each day as it comes.

     

    If you think about it, how can you expect to feel settled in such a short time? For me, being settled/at home is knowing where I am, familiar places, familiar brands, meeting people that you know when you are out, connecting with the land etc. Even if you've already visited I think it feels different when you suddenly realise that actually, this is going to be home now.

     

    So relax, give yourself time and if it should be that you miss the UK and all it represents in terms of family, friends and the security of familiarity...go back!

     

    Life should be fun so don't torture yourself worrying about the future and whether you will or will never feel settled. Cos I bet one day soon you will look back and wonder why you ever worried about it!

     

    But then I am a simple person ;)

    LC

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    Guest guest9403

    Good to read your post...glad im not the only basket case in adelaide..lol..we arrived in oct 2011 and i was de positve one,but hubby started work in dec and DD has jus started kindi and sice christmas ive been so home-sick its just down right painful.I would never have thought i was a home bird but im so lonely without my sister and her 3 gorgeous girls,im missing them so much and my 4 yr old dosent help cos she asks to go back to Ireland every other day,she told me on saturday that she misses Tesco,i cried laughing,my DS is 23 and struggling too cos he misses his mates and decided to come witht us here cos he lost his job at home and no prospects of finding a new one,but nearly 4 mths here and he still hasnt found work either!! The finacial burden of that is eating away at our savings,but sure we struggle on.My hubby loves it here and does miss his dad and his old job but he doesnt want to go home,id hop on a plane in the morning!!! I miss my parents,my sister,my brother,my neices,my nephews,my friends....hell i even miss the bloody weather sometimes...lmao...i cry in the shower so i dont upset anyone else and put on a brave face and get on wit it,even thou im dying inside,i know its early days (im beginning to hate ppl telling me that)...lol...but im willing to give it 4 yrs and if im still un-happy and not settled we'll ive told my OH im off home with or without him,it was a joint decision to do this but not at the exspense of someones happiness,so we will wait and see wat the next few yrs bring!! My sis or bro cant afford to come visit and we cant afford to go home to visit for a few yrs yet so i suppose thats hard not knowing when i get to see them again,skype is great but just not the same:-(...thanks for letting me have my rant...trying to stay strong in oz :-)

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    Sharon,

     

    I never had a moments regret - maybe I'm lucky - the wife had one wobble after six months but all good since then.

     

    One thing that helps the wife is to look at the kids future lives "through their eyes".

     

    We have three boys aged 11 - 16 and all are thriving here. They wake up with a smiles on their faces and it pretty much stays on throughout the day. They don't really feel the pain of seperation - mum and dad are still their world (well maybe assuming that for the oldest is taking it a bit far!!).

     

    The wife realises just what an opportunity we have given them. They are being brought up in a much safer place than London, do not have to be streetwise and do not feel the need to grow up so fast. They are happy.

     

    Would we ever do anything to upset their future. Never. They now own the golden passport.

     

    Once you get your head around the fact that you and hubby have given your kids the greatest opportunity ever, it makes settling here so much easier.

     

    Kids future versus Aunt Nora for Xmas dinner - no contest.

     

    Good luck.

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    Guest Paula H
    Sharon,

     

    I never had a moments regret - maybe I'm lucky - the wife had one wobble after six months but all good since then.

     

    One thing that helps the wife is to look at the kids future lives "through their eyes".

     

    We have three boys aged 11 - 16 and all are thriving here. They wake up with a smiles on their faces and it pretty much stays on throughout the day. They don't really feel the pain of seperation - mum and dad are still their world (well maybe assuming that for the oldest is taking it a bit far!!).

     

    The wife realises just what an opportunity we have given them. They are being brought up in a much safer place than London, do not have to be streetwise and do not feel the need to grow up so fast. They are happy.

     

    Would we ever do anything to upset their future. Never. They now own the golden passport.

     

    Once you get your head around the fact that you and hubby have given your kids the greatest opportunity ever, it makes settling here so much easier.

     

    Kids future versus Aunt Nora for Xmas dinner - no contest.

     

    Good luck.

     

     

    Great post, I sshall refer to this if I ever have a wobble

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    Guest beckeithking

    Good luck Sharon,

    I am hoping over a month down the line you are feeling better. I have found myself homesick for Australia at least every 3months for the last 12 years in Scotland!!! And since we will be back soon I am expecting some the other way.

     

    All I can advise is - DON'T PANIC - it is normal, of course you will feel homesick - I would be more surprised if you didn't. As many have said - it will get better. Have a good cry, then go for a walk. I found I needed to clear my head when I felt like that - the house work etc will be there when you get back.

     

    Good luck. bec x

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    Guest Paula H

    You just have to remember the reasons why u left. Hope it goes soon. (((hugs)))

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    Guest guest9403

    Its almost 6 mths here for us now...and sadly things are no better for me :-(....Australia just is'nt for me and we have come to a very hard decision to return home in october!! My hubby would still gladly stay but I do not like my life here,its only now I realise just how much I did have at home,but would'nt have known this unless we came! I hope for all who have made this huge discision it will be home and it will work out for them,I have made some nice friends here and we will continue to enjoy our expierence and im so much happier now that I can enjoy it in the knowledge im going home :-)

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    Guest Jo&Phil

    It's very early days so don't beat yourself up about feeling uncertain especially when you've been focussing on being in Australia for so long - the reality can take a while to get used to. Sometimes the idea that is is 'for ever' is overwhelming, but it doesn't have to be for ever .... it might help to tell yourself you are here for a year only .... ie: the time of the your tenancy ... and that you'll try and experience as much as you can in the year and then make a decision about where you will live in the longer term once the year is up.

     

    I hope you feel brighter soon.

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    Guest sunnydays

    Feeling exactly the same as you. We arrived in Nov 2011 and since the end of Jan it hit me. It is very very hard, I only hope that it does get better - my DH and DS have settled and are doing well its just me who is the basket case!! :wacko:Maybe we should start a struggling to settle club!! LOL

    I hope you do feel better soon - as they say take it a day at a time and the beach walk does help. :cool:

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