mcscotty

missing home

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    hi all

     

    just wondered if its still normal to be very homesick after almost 3yrs...even though we love adelaide and have already been back to uk for a holiday...will homesickness it ever go away:sad: or is it something people just learn to live with????

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    Guest guest9403

    Only been here 4 mths and my homesickness is getting worse by the week...3 yrs id be a basket case..lol..gonna give it till nov wen our first yr is up and lease is been renewed and hav to say if i still feel like this,like someone has died im off home!! Im not sorry we came and didnt think it would be this hard away from my family but it is and i struggle everyday,i pray every morning for the strenght to get through another day. My hubby isnt home-sick like me and i feel so guilty feeling this way after all the time and money we spent gettin here..but..as we both said life is too short and we cant stay here at the exspense of one of us been so unhappy,its 8 mths till our first yr is up and who knows i may feel different but no amount of skype calls is making up for missing my family :-(...we cant really afford for me to take a trip home and at this early stage i dont think its a good idea,my family cant afford to come visit either!! So i struggle on through another day and hope it gets better!!

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    We have been here just about 15 years and still get homesick dont think I will ever get rid of it think I will always miss home family and Friends. Dont think I will ever be as close to people that I have met here than with my friends that I grew up with there is just not the same bond.

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    i guess its a matter of learning how to cope with it...the hubby and kids dont share my feelings or we would probably go back...but i do like it here otherwise:)))

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    We've been here 3 1/2 years.............and in that time i felt homesick......once; totally out of the blue, i burst into tears on the way to work, no real reason for it, just a heart and gut wrenching feeling of "what the H have i done"? That was 6 months into our journey and i havent felt it since.

     

    Im going back in 8 weeks, for a 9 day visit for the birth of my second Grandson............and while im looking forward to seeing those precious kids, i have little desire to return! the flight alone fills me with a sickness that i cant describe. I left EVERYTHING and EVERYONE behind in the UK; i dont talk to 3 of my 4 brothers, have little contact with work colleagues, and have not once felt any guilt about it; all that is there are my Dad, Brother Son and Grandson(s)...i love them dearly, but the old country has no appeal to me!

     

    I understand that the family ties, and missing those you love is a heartbreaking experience, but, to be honest.........i have done what i have to ensure my kids have a more rounded life experience, something they wouldnt have got back in the motherland. My husband didnt go back for his Dads funeral, his decision, and i feel sad about that; but respect what he wanted, because WE ARE A TEAM..............and our life is HERE now, even if I feel lonely sometimes! Believe me, it hasnt been easy, we have had loads of troubles, and i often think "what if......."; We have few friends in Australia, which is hard for a social couple, i miss having friends over......at the level i am used to.......i miss being 5 mins from my family..........of course i do. I miss my OH not being in charge of his business, and my kids miss their education; cos believe me, it ended when we left!! And they hate being pointed out by their accents............something i tell them is exclusive, realistic and identifies them as proper ENGLISH, not the BBC WORLD SERVICE types that (some) South Aussies think they are!

     

    Its all relevent, you do what you can, you share what you have, you give what you can afford ..........but you keep your own council.........sometimes.

     

    I genuinely believe that as expats, we have more to prove than an average Aussie, and work harder to make life work for us..........but I am NOT AVERAGE, and will always be a POM, no matter if i am here 15 years or 50 years..........

     

    hope you feel better about it soon, its a great place to live, hard word work, admittedly, but soo very much better than "home".

     

    God Bless.

    Jane

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    Only been here 4 mths and my homesickness is getting worse by the week...3 yrs id be a basket case..lol..gonna give it till nov wen our first yr is up and lease is been renewed and hav to say if i still feel like this,like someone has died im off home!! Im not sorry we came and didnt think it would be this hard away from my family but it is and i struggle everyday,i pray every morning for the strenght to get through another day. My hubby isnt home-sick like me and i feel so guilty feeling this way after all the time and money we spent gettin here..but..as we both said life is too short and we cant stay here at the exspense of one of us been so unhappy,its 8 mths till our first yr is up and who knows i may feel different but no amount of skype calls is making up for missing my family :-(...we cant really afford for me to take a trip home and at this early stage i dont think its a good idea,my family cant afford to come visit either!! So i struggle on through another day and hope it gets better!!

     

    I think some people cope better than others.

     

    I don't really get homesick in the sense of missing my life in the UK or my friends and family overly. Sure I miss certain things about the UK and there are times when being able to sit and have a cuppa with my Mum or having lunch with friends would be lovely, but its never been a dealbreaker for me. It doesn't engulf me in the way it seems to some other people. I've never had that feeling overwhelming me when I've lived overseas. If anything whenever I returned to the UK for visits it just reinforced for me why I had left and why I stayed away as long as I did.

     

    I think its always helped for me that I lived overseas in places I really loved and felt very settled in. I chose to go to them and didn't look back when I was there. I also don't live or am overly close with my family in the UK. My parents are really the only people I see often and I've done 2 years away without seeing them and coped fine. And this was in the days before email, Skype and cheap phonecalls. It was handwritten letters and one phonecall a week for 15 minutes!

     

    If you lived close to your family and friends in the UK it can often be harder to adjust. Especially if you were close with them and saw them often and had that backup and support there. If that was the situation people may struggle moving the other end of the country or the other side of the world. I've not lived near my parents since I left the UK at 21 and its now 20 years later and although I am currently in the UK living we are almost 2 hours drive away and only see them every 1-2 months. My friends are scattered around the world and although I've made a few in the area we are living, it doesn't bother me not having a social life of seeing girlfriends and going out or chatting often. Hubby and I are pretty self contained and we go out, see friends and do stuff but don't have any real reliance on specific people. Perhaps that makes a difference? Hubby left all his family and friends to move to the UK from Aus and he has never been homesick. He misses a Coopers Pale Ale and Farmers Union iced coffee but people he seems to be ok with. And we found the local offy selling Coopers :P

     

    Its hard to know what to suggest. If you are living your week waiting to Skype to your family or friends then perhaps you could try being a bit ruthless and try to do without the reliance or knowing you are going to talk to them. Give yourself a bit of time to see how you get on with a bit less contact and so not relying on those calls and so on. It can be distracting if you are counting down the days till the day you Skype and cause you to feel more unsettled and hankering after things. We make our Skype chats a very fluid thing and don't schedule times or days. Just wing it. That way its more a surprise and we natter for a bit over a coffee and its has less expectations attached to it. Does that make sense? Perhaps you already do that and its not working for you, but I thought it was worth suggesting.

     

    Ultimately if you are really homesick and missing people, only you can decide what you want to do. Its like an itch you have to scratch and it can overwhelm you to the point of ruining any hope of settling there, even if other aspects of life are good. I found if I returned to the UK for a trip it gave me more perspective and I actually was ready to leave after a week or so. But others may want to stay or find it isn't enough. TBH the desire to see a person or spend time with them is only that for me. An hour over coffee or a drink one evening and it was enough. I realised returning wouldn't give me more and I appreciated the time I spent with them when I visited.

     

    Honestly, moving anywhere overseas can be hard going. If you are really unhappy with life in Adelaide I'd say return and don't worry about it. Homesickness can come and go, linger for a while or always be there in the background. Depends on the type of person you are how you cope with it ultimately. But be sure you've given it every chance and the reasons you are going back are right for all of you. And have a long hard think of the reasons you wanted to leave in the first place. Weigh it all up and see where you land :)

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    We have been here just about 15 years and still get homesick dont think I will ever get rid of it think I will always miss home family and Friends. Dont think I will ever be as close to people that I have met here than with my friends that I grew up with there is just not the same bond.

     

    I think those friendships from growing up have a very different slant and feel to them than those we make as adults. Its your history, your life and memories. It often holds a place in your heart that nothing can change.

     

    Friendships formed as adults can sometimes be on that kind of level, but often we have already formed friendships and it can be hard to build new ones. Adults seem more closed off to new friendships, perhaps because of those childhood ones or school/uni ones? I have perhaps 2, 3 good friends I made as an adult that have lasted and are strong true friendships. But alas I live miles from one here in the UK and the other two are overseas in countries I won't ever live in. But they are still good friendships and we are close, just not geographically.

     

    Also people are much more transient these days. They come and go, move to a new area, new country and just as you are getting to know someone they are off. Life being more technology based these days doesn't seem to help I find. It is nice to have FB or Twitter or email but that can't always help build bonds of friendship for many.

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    Guest guest9403

    Thanks Snifter...wat a lovely mess to post,i appreciate it :smile: I dont plan my skype calls at all as u said jus wait on a text from someone and i turn it on if i can,i do luv them and its great seein my 3 neices in particular,I miss my sister and her triplet girls sooooooooooooo much it hurts,Im tryin so hard to make this work and give it my best shot.I have met lots of people some of them from this very site,we meet up every weekend and if possible for coffee during the week. I dont go around with an unhappy face all day and i do the regular things any person wud do,but im dying inside...i cry every morning in the shower so my family doesnt see me upset...the pain of been so far from my mam and dad and my sister and my brother is killin me!!! My daughter is only 4 and she too asks to go home quite a lot,she doesnt get it from me as i would nver talk or show her how upset i am,my son is 23 and he too came wit us,he still hasnt found work but seems content enough here he has said he might move to perth or sydney were there may be more work and were he knows people,which i have no problem with,id luv him to stay and travel.My hubby is ok too,misses his job and his mates and his dad but doesnt feel the way i do,he will go home wit me in november if thats wat i want,Im hoping ill feel different in 8 mths time and ill have settled more but it wont change not seein my family or watchin my neices grow up...it hurts wen my DD asks why she cant she her nanny and grandad or why she cant play wit her cousins anymore....plez tell me how i get over this pain!!!

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    Thanks Snifter...wat a lovely mess to post,i appreciate it :smile: I dont plan my skype calls at all as u said jus wait on a text from someone and i turn it on if i can,i do luv them and its great seein my 3 neices in particular,I miss my sister and her triplet girls sooooooooooooo much it hurts,Im tryin so hard to make this work and give it my best shot.I have met lots of people some of them from this very site,we meet up every weekend and if possible for coffee during the week. I dont go around with an unhappy face all day and i do the regular things any person wud do,but im dying inside...i cry every morning in the shower so my family doesnt see me upset...the pain of been so far from my mam and dad and my sister and my brother is killin me!!! My daughter is only 4 and she too asks to go home quite a lot,she doesnt get it from me as i would nver talk or show her how upset i am,my son is 23 and he too came wit us,he still hasnt found work but seems content enough here he has said he might move to perth or sydney were there may be more work and were he knows people,which i have no problem with,id luv him to stay and travel.My hubby is ok too,misses his job and his mates and his dad but doesnt feel the way i do,he will go home wit me in november if thats wat i want,Im hoping ill feel different in 8 mths time and ill have settled more but it wont change not seein my family or watchin my neices grow up...it hurts wen my DD asks why she cant she her nanny and grandad or why she cant play wit her cousins anymore....plez tell me how i get over this pain!!!

     

    you poor thing ...you sound as a lot more homesick than me......i was hoping someone would tell me it would eventually go away...but im guessing its a personal thing for everyone. im glad its not just me though and helps people listening to me..thanx

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    you poor thing ...you sound as a lot more homesick than me......i was hoping someone would tell me it would eventually go away...but im guessing its a personal thing for everyone. im glad its not just me though and helps people listening to me..thanx

     

    It might pass for you. It really does depend on the person. And often as I said above, how close they are used to being to their family and friends, in geographical as well as emotional distance. Can really be the deal breaker if you've lived in each others pockets and suddenly they are not there anymore.

     

    Some people actually miss the UK, others people. To me they are two very different things. I can cope with both well but oddly find myself missing the rolling hills and moors I grew up in and around more than anything. But it passes. Just a case of being able to work with it when it hits.

     

    If you miss people you may find if you return back in the UK, the same reasons you wanted to leave are still clear. Its usually more circumstances, economy, jobs, wanting to try something new, live elsewhere that drive people to leave, not wanting to be away from family or friends. Consider the reasons you chose to leave and see if you can find the positives of being in Aus now after the move. Hopefully you can, but expect the missing people aspect to be something that you will have to contend with a while. You may get to grips with it better than others if you can work out the stuff around it.

     

    In my experience, missing people is probably the hardest aspect if things get tough while overseas. You don't have that security blanket or support network and have to be more self reliant. I think you have to steel yourself to this happening and prepare yourself for it, though if and when it hits, you may still struggle.

     

    FWIW, good old fashioned letter writing I find very cathartic and people love to get them and I enjoy writing them. Or a little card with a bit of blurb in. I dont know, it still is nice to write letters, I enjoy it and people do reply and its lovely to sit with a cuppa and read the news.

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    Guest Yates's
    hi all

     

    just wondered if its still normal to be very homesick after almost 3yrs...even though we love adelaide and have already been back to uk for a holiday...will homesickness it ever go away:sad: or is it something people just learn to live with????

     

     

    Hi mcscotty,

     

    I emigrated in 2007 and managed 3 years before the homesickness became too much that I drove my OH crazy with mood swings. We moved back to UK in 2010 to the much annoyance of my OH. I enjoyed the first year back as if I hadn't been away, but since then I have missed Oz a lot. All the reasons for leaving the UK in the first place are still here and worse. It is great seeing family and friends but to be honest, everyone is that busy that we only catch up every now and then. Since returning to the UK in 2010 the recession has gone from bad to worse. There will be years of austerity measures to pay off the UK's debt. More worrying, this will impact on my kids futures.

     

    I just wanted to say, when in Oz I thought I was the most homesick person in the world to the point it stressed me out. It wasn't so much for family as they visited quite a lot but it was for friends in the UK and homeland ideals such as lush green countryside and historic buildings and having Europe on doorstep. I believe I made a major mistake coming back to the UK which has been quite disruptive and costly. I have since re-newed our expired visas for another 5 years and hope to be living back in Adelaide next year. It will be another emotional journey that will be hard, but I am sure will be worth it!

     

    Good luck, I know what it feels like!:wacko:

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    Guest leeannekays

    Hi Yates, that was a really good read and it is eye opening to hear experiences people have lived through and feelings. We emigrate in 7 weeks and I am very much looking forward to it. But I wonder how I will feel about missing family and friends, I hope I can deal with it.

     

    Leeanne

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    Guest Yates's
    Hi Yates, that was a really good read and it is eye opening to hear experiences people have lived through and feelings. We emigrate in 7 weeks and I am very much looking forward to it. But I wonder how I will feel about missing family and friends, I hope I can deal with it.

     

    Leeanne

     

    Hi Leeanne,

     

    Thanks, bet you are getting really excited. Enjoy the adventure and see where it takes you. Everyone will get homesick to a degree, it's expected. I believed I failed at it miserably because I didn't sever my ties with the UK as I took a career break from my job and as a result I didn't absorb myself totally in the move. I should have told myself that it was a new start, a new chapter in my/our lives and really got more involved in the local community. My old job in the UK and said pension were always in the back of my mind. But I suppose you don't know till you try and then you live and learn and have to deal with the consequences.

     

    All the best of luck!

     

    Warren

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    Guest beckeithking

    Hi all,

     

    I can understand the homesickness - but from the opposite side. I am an Australian married to a Scot, have been living in Scotland for 12 years. I do think as Australians we grow up understanding about distance and often have to live away from home. Travelling to Europe and the UK and being away from our families is not unusual. BUT.... we still get homesick... just the same!!

     

    I do feel you need to be able to have bad days...or weeks - there is nothing wrong with crying in the shower and feeling like you have done the wrong thing. But you also need to remember why you moved in the first place. What I have been doing for 12 years!!! is having a good cry - then phone my mum or sister. Get onto skype or ichat. But mostly you need to get out and get yourself a life - you can't expect a new, lovely life to land in your lap - as hard as it is, you need to go and make friends and set up your life. I have made fabulous friends here - but still not the same as my childhood friends - but I never expected them to be the same. I have a couple of really good friends who help me through my bad days. And my true friends in Australia are still there and keep in contact.

     

    Don't forget - nobody is going to force you to stay. Nothing is ever set in stone - if it doesn't work after a set time - you can move back. There is nothing wrong with saying it didn't suit you. As long as you have given it a good shot - and I think it takes a couple of years to really know if you can settle.

     

    Prehaps Adelaide is not for you - Australia is a big place - maybe think about moving somewhere else.

    I guess in the end........remember....AUSTRALIA IS NOT YOUR UK HOME, so don't expect it to be, you will be disappointed. But make the most of it, life is too short to be miserable.

     

    Saying that - we are making the move back to Adelaide this year or next. I miss all my family and want to spend time here before they all grow up too quick. I expect to have issues even after 12 years out of the country.....we will see!!

     

    Good luck, and feel free to let it out on here - will offer advice and an ear if anyone needs - have done that enough myself.

     

    Bec xx

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    Guest guest9403

    I woke this morning to howling wind and rain lashing off the window...thought for a few mins it was all a dream and i was home...lol...noooooooo familiar weather in adelaide!! All the posts and comments are great to read and for future imigrants dont be worrying it doesnt affect most ppl like this,im probably in a minority group feeling this depressing home-sickness :-(..we sold our home and shipped everything we owned to here to give it our best shot, and we are...but...maybe its just not for me,im glad we tried it though,would have always lived wit the regret of not doing it,we came to have maybe a little bit of a better life as the recession was gettin so bad,but apart from de weather nothings changed for me,its sooooo exspensive here that we still ahve to watch every penny we spend,my hubby is on less wages than home cos he is working here at a job he doesnt normally do,he cant get work at his regular job!! My son was out of work at home and cant get work here either!! So for me all these things are worse at the moment except ive no family and friends to make it all right...watch this space and ill keep u all up-dated on my journey thru the next 8 mths until our year is up!!

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    Hi mcscotty' date='

     

    I emigrated in 2007 and managed 3 years before the homesickness became too much that I drove my OH crazy with mood swings. We moved back to UK in 2010 to the much annoyance of my OH. I enjoyed the first year back as if I hadn't been away, but since then I have missed Oz a lot. All the reasons for leaving the UK in the first place are still here and worse. It is great seeing family and friends but to be honest, everyone is that busy that we only catch up every now and then. Since returning to the UK in 2010 the recession has gone from bad to worse. There will be years of austerity measures to pay off the UK's debt. More worrying, this will impact on my kids futures.

     

    I just wanted to say, when in Oz I thought I was the most homesick person in the world to the point it stressed me out. It wasn't so much for family as they visited quite a lot but it was for friends in the UK and homeland ideals such as lush green countryside and historic buildings and having Europe on doorstep. I believe I made a major mistake coming back to the UK which has been quite disruptive and costly. I have since re-newed our expired visas for another 5 years and hope to be living back in Adelaide next year. It will be another emotional journey that will be hard, but I am sure will be worth it!

     

    Good luck, I know what it feels like!:wacko:[/quote']thanks i really appreciate knowing im not alone everyone.....i was beginning to feel like a freak for daring to miss scotland...people looking at me like i must be mad...but good to know its part of the process....i will just cope by looking forward to my next trip back. i do still remember why we moved in first place ...my kids are happy here and we will be staying put for now xx.... :))))

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    hi all

     

    just wondered if its still normal to be very homesick after almost 3yrs...even though we love adelaide and have already been back to uk for a holiday...will homesickness it ever go away:sad: or is it something people just learn to live with????

     

    Hi mcscotty:

     

    My mum and dad lived in Oz for 30+ years and, although my dad never made any bones about it, my mum never really got over her homesickness for England. She always said 'I don't want to die here,' but, sadly, she did.

     

    That's not to say they never enjoyed living in Oz, because they did. The point is, homesickness strikes without warning (often from hearing a nostalgic song on the radio, or watching a vintage UK tv programme the family enjoyed many years before, when the kids were young and all seemed well with the world), but the only way to really overcome the 'pain' -- because it is quite painful for some -- is to cast your minds back to what made you want to leave the land of your birth in the first place.

     

    And of course, a trip 'home' can sometimes do the trick, although it can have the reverse effect, because it often turns out that 'things are not quite how you remember them', which only make matters worse.

     

    There's no easy answer.

     

    However, I'm sure there are plenty of people on here who will say there's no going back -- not really -- because things are never going to be the way they are in your mind -- and probably never were in the first place. Otherwise you wouldn't have decided to leave in the first place.

     

    It's not easy, I know. I do wish you well.

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    hi celticboy39, i really am struggling with homesickness, been here nearly 2 yrs, work part time, met some nice people, but boy, everyday feels like a struggle!!! wish it would go away, tk gd care

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    Guest sunnydays

    Hi where abouts in Scotland are you from?

    We have been here for just under 4 more months and I feel the same as you - don't know if it is homesickness but something just doesn't feel right. We are from Glasgow BTW. There is a coffee meet on Wed morning in Happy Valley if you are free I think there will be quite a few there and would be good to get out and meet some other newbies!

    :smile:

     

    I woke this morning to howling wind and rain lashing off the window...thought for a few mins it was all a dream and i was home...lol...noooooooo familiar weather in adelaide!! All the posts and comments are great to read and for future imigrants dont be worrying it doesnt affect most ppl like this,im probably in a minority group feeling this depressing home-sickness :-(..we sold our home and shipped everything we owned to here to give it our best shot, and we are...but...maybe its just not for me,im glad we tried it though,would have always lived wit the regret of not doing it,we came to have maybe a little bit of a better life as the recession was gettin so bad,but apart from de weather nothings changed for me,its sooooo exspensive here that we still ahve to watch every penny we spend,my hubby is on less wages than home cos he is working here at a job he doesnt normally do,he cant get work at his regular job!! My son was out of work at home and cant get work here either!! So for me all these things are worse at the moment except ive no family and friends to make it all right...watch this space and ill keep u all up-dated on my journey thru the next 8 mths until our year is up!!

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    hey sunny days

     

    we are also from glasgow..its very difficult settling in. ive been here 2.5 yrs and still not settled but still hoping i will eventually.xx

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    Guest Squareman

    I don't mean this in a nasty way, but I just cant figure out why anyone would stay here if they werent enjoying it? I migrated from South Africa to give my family safety, security and a decent future, so i have zero homesickness. I miss family and friends but not to the point that it makes me miserable because i know there can be NO going back. But for those of you who have ambled over here from the UK, but who sob themselves to sleep every night......why stick it out? What's the point in subjecting yourself to heartache when this has all been a voluntary thing? Life is too short to make decisions that make you unhappy. If your heart is in the UK, then go home! No-one will think any less of you because at least you gave it a bash and you have an experience that no one can take away from you.

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    yeah i understand where you are coming from squareman but sometimes its not as simple as that when everyone else in the family has never been happier especially the kids, which is my case, and no offence but glasgow is a bit different from south africa. i wouldn't live there for a million bucks because i have a friend who has told me how life is there, where as glasgow might be a bit miserable and a lot of knife crime around but NO where as bad as south africa. i would die to make my family happy, and they are so i will stay here, and i like it here and dont sob myself to sleep at night , i just miss my folks and tottie scones haha

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    I don't mean this in a nasty way, but I just cant figure out why anyone would stay here if they werent enjoying it? I migrated from South Africa to give my family safety, security and a decent future, so i have zero homesickness. I miss family and friends but not to the point that it makes me miserable because i know there can be NO going back. But for those of you who have ambled over here from the UK, but who sob themselves to sleep every night......why stick it out? What's the point in subjecting yourself to heartache when this has all been a voluntary thing? Life is too short to make decisions that make you unhappy. If your heart is in the UK, then go home! No-one will think any less of you because at least you gave it a bash and you have an experience that no one can take away from you.

     

     

     

    Because some of us have saved up for years and years and years to make the move and will have to do the same again if we wish to return!?!??!!?

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    Guest Squareman

    Money isnt everything mate. I lived like a king in South Africa with a huge house all paid off. I've had to start all over again over here but its well worth it.

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    Guest guest9403

    I agree with squareman...i do cry every night and every morning to...I hate it here,miss my family more than i ever thought possible,and nothing not even a reccie can prepare you for the home-sickness,I know it doesnt affect everyone but i have it so bad and im not prepared to stay here miserable,unhappy and struggling through each day!! Ive met lots of people Irish (like me) English,Scottish and aussies but nothing or nobody helps me....we do different things every weekend and have expierenced some great things and seen some great places and will continue to do so until our year is up and then im out of here...lol...its not for me,my 4 yr old daughter cries to go home too and i never say anything in front of her only positve things so her feelings are her own,my son is 23 and although he has finally managed to get some casual work he too will be happy to go home..missing his mates and also had a lovely GF back home!! My hubby would prob stay...he does miss his job...cant get into his job here and he has it to go back too (took a yrs leave) so we are lucky that way,we have no house but i dont care,plenty of family to stay with until we find our feet again.Im glad we came i know id have always regreted not doing it but not ashamed to say its not right for me and my family and i will be happy to go home...as someone else said you cant live on sunshine and apart from that my life-style is no different...just lonely and depressed...:-(

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