Telling the parents

[Guest Jadeyk]

Wow this is my first post on PIA but what a thread to find. I've been on the POI site a while but after chatting to cara&gav (members on here we met for a drink last night) they recommended we have a look at PIA.

 

So glad I did! At last I can stop feeling like the mega b*tch taking the prince away from the queen lol! Oh the drama, the guilt, the emotional blackmail. I'm pleased to know my MIL belongs to a well established group! This makes me smile!!! Thanks guys! X

[Guest Jadeyk]

And we still haven't told the NIL, been told not to let her know incase we induce a heart attack on the 86yr old dear! (not too much fear there then lol) so stay tuned for that... Don't know how long we're expected to leave it?! Visa granted? Flights booked? At the airport? Lol xxx

[Guest jaxndel]

Just realised this was an old thread. Hope things are working out for you.

[jtct]

You never know, they may decide to join you!!!!!!

 

We missed our family so much we're hoping to come to Adelaide to see a bit more of our daughter and grandchildren and for a more relaxed retirement.

 

Its costing us an arm and a leg for CPV visas but we all think its worth it. My SIL in very supportive and we don't want to interfere in their lives. We will be happy to baby sit or do the school run occasionally too if we are needed.

[Guest helene73]

You never know, they may decide to join you!!!!!!

 

We missed our family so much we're hoping to come to Adelaide to see a bit more of our daughter and grandchildren and for a more relaxed retirement.

 

Its costing us an arm and a leg for CPV visas but we all think its worth it. My SIL in very supportive and we don't want to interfere in their lives. We will be happy to baby sit or do the school run occasionally too if we are needed.

 

Now you sound like lovey in laws :)x

[Guest helene73]

And we still haven't told the NIL, been told not to let her know incase we induce a heart attack on the 86yr old dear! (not too much fear there then lol) so stay tuned for that... Don't know how long we're expected to leave it?! Visa granted? Flights booked? At the airport? Lol xxx

 

Send a postcard lmao x

[Guest Amanda12]

Hi. This is an old thread which I read a while ago, it helped me understand how things maybe with my family so I brought it up again. I hope it helps others too.

 

Thanks JTCT. Mum said they won't come as she doesn't want to leave her life here. I think that's fair enough. I wish you well with your plans. What fantastic retirement for you.

 

Good luck telling yours jadeyk. I think timing is a very personal thing. For us it was very much about giving them time to adjust. A done deal would have been way too much for her to deal with. I'm sure you will know when the time is right.

 

Would love to know how the OP is doing!!'

[HEAPS GOOD !!!]

It is tough telling the family what you are doing....some play the guilt card, some like our were totally amazing.

 

you know we all are if anyone feels like venting some frustration.lol

 

HG

[Guest Jadeyk]

Send a postcard lmao x

 

Genius! I might take you up on that. I just don't think I can cope with telling her after telling the monster, I mean mother in law.

[Guest AlisonCarlton]

Found this subject really interesting!! We were half way through our visa 3 and a half years ago when my FIL committed suicide, possibly part of it was because he didn't want us to go. My husband is an only child so he said that he couldn't face going and leaving his mum. The last few years we have been really miserable, particularly me, as I've wanted to emigrate to oz for a long time. Anyway we have now finished off applying, we didn't have much time left as my husband is 45 in a few months time but now we have the problem of telling his mum we are going after all. He is understandably worried she may do the same as her husband. Also, I have a daughter who is nearly 18 and has a boyfriend she is very attached to and i'm worried that she won't want to come now, whereas it would have been a lot easier had she been 15.

 

I'm thinking leaving it until a few months before is the best thing to do, then if she becomes difficult, at least it won't be long till it's over and done with. Also, maybe trying to arrange her first visit before we leave then she will have that to look forward too.

 

This is the first time i have posted something on here so hope i have done it right!

[HEAPS GOOD !!!]

Firstly welcome to the forum...i am so sorry for the troubles you have had in the past and it does seem like a very tought predicament you find yourself in with what has gone on before.

 

You need to to focus on the reasons as to why your doing what your doing....and not wanting to sound harsh sometimes you may have to be a little selfish and just look at your unit and see why your doing it.

 

 

Just ask ask away on here people always keen to offer help, advice and friendship.

 

HG

[jtct]

Now you sound like lovey in laws :)x

 

Thanks Helene

 

You can't imagine the heartache we went through as soon as we knew our daughter and her family were planning to emigrate. We tried to keep our emotions in check and knew it was the best for them. We couldn't stand in their way but it hurt so much. It didn't stop me having months of extreme stress related problems and being quite ill (which I mostly managed to keep from them)

 

The one thing that really helped was our first visit to see them. Once I saw for myself how happy they all were and what a lovely house they had in the hills the stress began to go - I didn't imagine then that 4-5 years later we would be starting the same journey.

 

Now I'm sad that we are leaving our unmarried 36 year old son behind but hopefully he'll be able to visit us all in Oz more easily than us making that long journey back to the UK as we are getting older.

[Guest helene73]

Thanks Helene

 

You can't imagine the heartache we went through as soon as we knew our daughter and her family were planning to emigrate. We tried to keep our emotions in check and knew it was the best for them. We couldn't stand in their way but it hurt so much. It didn't stop me having months of extreme stress related problems and being quite ill (which I mostly managed to keep from them)

 

The one thing that really helped was our first visit to see them. Once I saw for myself how happy they all were and what a lovely house they had in the hills the stress began to go - I didn't imagine then that 4-5 years later we would be starting the same journey.

 

Now I'm sad that we are leaving our unmarried 36 year old son behind but hopefully he'll be able to visit us all in Oz more easily than us making that long journey back to the UK as we are getting older.

 

Good luck with your new life, I think it's amazing what your doing and I wish you all the best x

[Guest Jadeyk]

Thanks Helene

 

You can't imagine the heartache we went through as soon as we knew our daughter and her family were planning to emigrate. We tried to keep our emotions in check and knew it was the best for them. We couldn't stand in their way but it hurt so much. It didn't stop me having months of extreme stress related problems and being quite ill (which I mostly managed to keep from them)

 

The one thing that really helped was our first visit to see them. Once I saw for myself how happy they all were and what a lovely house they had in the hills the stress began to go - I didn't imagine then that 4-5 years later we would be starting the same journey.

 

Now I'm sad that we are leaving our unmarried 36 year old son behind but hopefully he'll be able to visit us all in Oz more easily than us making that long journey back to the UK as we are getting older.

 

I know exactly how you feel... My mum, step-dad, three brothers and little sister all left me behind two yearsa go when i wasn't ready and had no intention of going. The difference is that as much as it hurt me I wanted them to do what they thought was best and I didn't want to be the one stopping them all from living out their dream but my mother inlaw went totally barmey when we said we were considering it last year!!!!

 

The thing is that my 4 year old sister had an accident Nov 2009 and has been left brain damaged (in a wheel chair and quite mentally effected, having to stay in hospital for 6 months), increasing my desire to get out there, which you think they'd understand but nooooooo i got....

 

"you can't take my son away from me. What are we going to do when we can't just call on you when we need you. What are we going to do when you can't afford to come at visit us" etc etc etc

 

They're ony in their mid 50s. Not like we've leaving them on their death beds. And they have PLENTY of money to visit us over there! and i know the nan inlaw is going to be worse!

[Guest Amanda12]

Found this subject really interesting!! We were half way through our visa 3 and a half years ago when my FIL committed suicide, possibly part of it was because he didn't want us to go. My husband is an only child so he said that he couldn't face going and leaving his mum. The last few years we have been really miserable, particularly me, as I've wanted to emigrate to oz for a long time. Anyway we have now finished off applying, we didn't have much time left as my husband is 45 in a few months time but now we have the problem of telling his mum we are going after all. He is understandably worried she may do the same as her husband. Also, I have a daughter who is nearly 18 and has a boyfriend she is very attached to and i'm worried that she won't want to come now, whereas it would have been a lot easier had she been 15.

 

I'm thinking leaving it until a few months before is the best thing to do, then if she becomes difficult, at least it won't be long till it's over and done with. Also, maybe trying to arrange her first visit before we leave then she will have that to look forward too.

 

This is the first time i have posted something on here so hope i have done it right!

 

Gosh. You really have been through the mill. The best of luck to you all. Hope everything goes ok. keep us all posted.