Taking step kids to Oz

[Guest KK&MM]

Hi there,

We're new to this forum. Myself and my partner are hoping to head over to Adelaide on an employer sponsership visa 4 years. Job interview next Monday! I have a 5 year old son from a previous relationship. I know that I need his dads permission to go to Oz and have introduced the idea to him (dad).

I also know that if he just says no way and isn't open to any kind of arrangements my last option would be to raise a court action and have a Sherriff decide if I can take my son with us.

Obviously this would be a last resort as I would like his dad fully involved in the adventure for our sons sake.

We were just wondering if anyone was in similar situation, especially if you're already in Oz with your kids and the non resident parent back in the UK. Any advice welcome! Hearing how others have got on would help! Thankyou for reading this!

 

KK & MM

[Guest dp n dd]

Hi there KK & MM,

 

Welcome to the forum, hope everything works out well for you

 

...takes deep breath...

 

We had a similarish setup, as Jeanettes got 2 kids that we wanted to take along.

 

At first her ex was strongly against the idea, but we had a sit down discussion and put our argument to him - better opportunities, house prices, education etc. and he said he'd consider it. :roll:

 

To cut a long story short, we eventually had to consult solicitors in a semi advisory, semi big stick capacity. The outcome was that he (and my ex for that matter) had to sign a statutory declaration, to the effect that he agreed blah blah blah.

The solicitor did say that courts do usually look favourably on potential emigrants to countries with opportunities, such as Oz, Canada etc. although obviously this depends on individual circumstances to an extent.

 

I know that the law varies, sometimes wildly, between the Scottish & English courts, but you would think common sense would prevail :lol:

It pays to shop around too, as my solicitor charged £52 & took a week, while Jeanettes cost £570 yes five - seven - zero, and took two months.

Robbing, cheating, money launderers, thats all they are - dunt get me started :evil:

 

Soz 4 goin on a bit - but you should ultimately succeed!

We ended up just applying for J's daughter to go, as i've said elsewhere, theres no way that her son will consider coming with us, tho we have a cunnin plan... It did take us a while to sort, so best start now :shock:

 

Best of luck with it all - Paul & Jeanette

[Guest KK&MM]

Thankyou for your reply. We are starting to get used to the emotional roller coaster, I think!! I'm going to put a pack together for number one sons Dad once we know for definite if it's a goer, full of info about Adelaide schools etc and proposals for when he'd be back to stay with dad.

 

We're also hoping that the fact that it's a temporary visa will help him see the fantastic adventure open to our son, combined with plenty of contact with him. Confused? You will be! :?

 

I can only sympathise with your position, it's so emotional. Like you two my other half is 40 and this opportunity has fallen in our path! We have to grab it, life really is too short.

I hope that my ex will be persuaded round and sees that we want him to be part of the process not shut out.

When did you guys speak to the kids about Oz? We were thinking once we know job is in the bag and have let his Dad know that we're going to tell son.

Hope you and yours are keeping collective chins up!

 

KK

[Guest KK&MM]

PS

Didn't mean you guys are 40 ! :lol: Just meant that age is a factor with us also!! :oops:

[Guest paulocon]

Hi there KK+MM, I'm Paul and I have a similar predicament - Ihave two kids to a previous marriage and now re-married. My children dont live with me but I do see them fortnightly. Myself and my wife Sharon are looking to go to Adelaide around the end of this year or early next year now on a 495 SIR Visa. We have decided not to take the kids with us, due to the fact that my ex wont allow it and also due the ages of my kids as they are at a crucial part of their schooling. ie. exams approaching in the next year or two.

 

Therefore as you can image this is gonna be a massive heartache for us when we eventually go. We also dont know if the kids will come out to see us or even move over to be with us in the future.

 

I really dont know what the future holds - but we have to make the move now!!

 

We will have to come back over to see the kids - but this will only be once or twice a year!!! And to add to this - we havent told the kids yet we are going as I just cant bring myself to saying anything yet to them as I know it will cause a lot of upset and my ex-partner will blow her top!!!

 

Any ideas or help or someone just tell me I am doing the right thing!!

 

Paul

[Guest KK&MM]

Hi there Paul

My other half will understand completely as he has two fab children from previous marriage also. He also thinks his ex will go a bit nuts when he tells her our plans.

We suspect the kids (11 & 13) will after initial questions be quite excited about it. We'll certainly be planning for them to come out for hols ASAP.

 

For us the ideal scenario would be of course having all 3 kids with us but we know this is not realistic. Another possible outcome for us is my son saying he doesn't want to go and would rather live with his Dad. Although he is only 5, these feelings all have to be considered.

 

We feel that we have to go for this and a certain amount of selfishness has to be part of that thinking. To quote my beloved, you need your kids for longer than they need you and as much as they are a part of this whole process, ultimately the decision has to be about your life choices.

 

I think you should definitely talk to them about it, after their mum. Their reaction could be anything, it may surprise you. Reassurance about your feelings for them and your continuing support and contact will all help. You are only a day away.

 

Do you guys know about Skype? Fab thing with web cam on internet for free phone calls where you can see each other too. I'm definitely mentioning that to my sons Dad, as he can see and speak to son every day if he wants. Am I teaching Granny to suck eggs in this reply? :lol:

 

Everyone will have an opinion on your move and your kids may be , upset, angry, happy, excited or all of the above about it!

I can only tell you how we feel about our move. It's an opportunity that we can't not take and we will do everything we can to make that work. It's right for us.

We are remaining open to discussing it with all family (kids included) and ex family members! But we already know what we want to achieve.

 

Keep the faith! You've come this far for a reason.

Take care.

[Guest paulocon]

Hi there, thanks for your reply and your spot on what you have said.

 

I can only hope that the outcome is favourable and yes I might be surprised by the kids reactions. Hopefully in time they will se sense and come out to join us. I just dont like the idea of not having them around me for such a long period of time.

 

I think I need to sit down with all parties and speak openly about this as you suggested. It might help ease my torture too about this predicament.

 

Will keep you informed how it progresses.

 

thanks for your help

 

Paul

[Guest KK&MM]

Hello again Paul

Just wanted to say that I know it's not easy to talk to family about plans! Didn't want you to think that I'm saying 'what's your problem!'

Good grief, it took all my strength to tell my own Mum about our move and we haven't even spoken to the kids yet! :?

But I do think it will help to talk about it, regardless of reactions and you do get some interesting ones.

 

Best of luck with the chats and we'll let you know how ours go too.

 

Who knows, in a year or so's time we could be discussing it over a wine/beer and a BBQ in the back yard!

[Guest dp n dd]

Hiya Paul, KK & MM

 

I think that the sooner you start talking about it, to all parties, the better.

Its a massively complicated issue (emotionally) and it will probably take a while for everyone to realise where they stand on the subject.

 

The way we're looking at it, as has been touched on by you both, is that life is only finite, and circumstances only occasionally line up that allow a genuine life changing opportunity.

 

While it will be a wrench leaving kids, even thinking about it is not v nice, you also have to be selfish to an extent. Kids will ultimately try to do what they want, within limits Having 3 teenagers in the house at once is proof of that, they will also try and find their place in it all, either by fitting in or trying to change your mind. Don't underestimate how much they can try & manipulate you :shock:

 

The time is right for us, age, jobs, house prices, oz immigration policy are all saying - get stuck in. I thought I might have to leave my son for about 8 months as he is in his last year at school, but as things have dragged on, he'll be coming out with us. Circumstances change all the time, as do peoples attitudes.

 

Friends are constantly saying things like, 'oh i don't know how you could leave them' or 'how are you going to cope with it' etc etc. No doubt it will be hard, but it would also be hard forcing a child to go to the other side of the planet (via court order) and expect him to party on, have a good time, make friends and be a sunny soul. We are gambling on the fact that he will come, fall for the place and emigrate of his own free will.

 

As you've said, the world continues to shrink, and its so easy to stay in touch, virtually for no cost financially. Don't forget that this could help you with kids in the UK as much as your exes with kids in Oz

Just talk youselves into it as we have & give it a go :lol:

 

Soz for goin on a bit, but i've been up since 5 n av now got brain frazzle

 

good luck everyone & keep us posted

 

Paul n Jeanette