Lily Rainbow

When your child moves back in with you!

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    I have my 24yr old daughter staying with us atm.She's on a weeks holiday,lives 100 miles away on her own,and has a good job.She has just announced she does'nt like her job,or living alone and wants to return living with us (Mum and Step Dad).We havent had any kids living with us for 5 yrs and I'm not sure how I feel about this impending move.We have agreed to it,we just don't know how we feel about it.She is an adult,so as such is responsible for herself.However I don't see this move for her being short term as she has already stated she wants a part time job while she plans to re train into another career,now how long this will take is anyone's guess,but its not going to happen overnight is it?

    I would appreciate any parents thoughts who have experienced this yourselves.Did you lay down ground rules?And what were they?We're just so used now to doing what we want,when we want,and living quiet lives!!!!

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    It's a tough one, but hopefully you and your OH can still enjoy the type of life you want to lead. It's not like having a dependant child staying with you, needing lifts here there and everywhere, as presumably she'd have her own transport. And it's not like she'd expect to come out with you both for meals/days out etc like a child would. It might restrict your wondering around the house naked or having a quickie on the sofa in the lounge, but otherwise unless you are in a very small house, you should be able to manage. Try to express to her that though you are her parents, she is an independant adult now and you'll be treating her as such. It might even have benefits - you will have a readymade housesitter when you want to go away for holidays or short breaks, and perhaps if you are intending to all eat together, you work out a rota to take turns cooking etc?

     

    I know it's not the same, but my 18 yr old daughter is back home after six months away travelling, and she does her own washing/ironing etc, shops for any special foods she wants, and cooks for us all a couple of times a week, as well as being able to run chores for me whilst I'm at work, meaning I can work longer hours when asked (in exchange for a bit of petrol money of course!).

     

    If your daughter does get work, you shold agree upfront how much housekeeping money she will give you, and maybe get her to set up a standing order to pay this, rather than you having to ask for it each time, which I imagine could get tiresome and embarrassing all round.

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    I have my 24yr old daughter staying with us atm.She's on a weeks holiday,lives 100 miles away on her own,and has a good job.She has just announced she does'nt like her job,or living alone and wants to return living with us (Mum and Step Dad).We havent had any kids living with us for 5 yrs and I'm not sure how I feel about this impending move.We have agreed to it,we just don't know how we feel about it.She is an adult,so as such is responsible for herself.However I don't see this move for her being short term as she has already stated she wants a part time job while she plans to re train into another career,now how long this will take is anyone's guess,but its not going to happen overnight is it?

    I would appreciate any parents thoughts who have experienced this yourselves.Did you lay down ground rules?And what were they?We're just so used now to doing what we want,when we want,and living quiet lives!!!!

     

     

    We are a family of 4.Husband only working. Me housewife one son at Uni and eldest started work in January after finishing Uni.

     

    Eldest was supported without working for 4 years .Had all Uni fees paid so about time he started learning how to stand on his own two feet.

     

    Having seen friends have problems with children staying at home , not paying their way we set up ground rules for son to keep staying at home.

    We split everything in the house 4 ways.Rent costs food utilities insurances etc.This was all talked about and decided before he finished Uni and stared work.

     

    It has been working out great. He knows how much each two weeks and when he gets paid he pays the money into the house account.

    It also gets him used to having to pay a realistic amount and he is now looking to move out on his own next year.

     

    My advice is set out ground rules and you should be ok.

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    Thankyou both for sharing your thoughts,which I really appreciate,and it makes good sense.I think we would have to set ground rules which is only fair tbh.I am also (if dd does make this move)thinking it will be temporary,with view to her moving on in the forseeable future on her own again,hopefully closer to us.I think for us we've had the freedom to discuss anything privately without having to wait for someone to go out the room or whatever,used to eating when we want,just so many things we now take for granted.We do need to show her support though,so if that means she moves back home,then so be it!xx

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