Guest donny

Is Adelaide for you ????

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    Guest donny

    This is my first post on the site I have been reading as a visitor on and off for sometime.

    I have been here for 18 months and live in Aberfoyle Park, which I find to be a real mix of an area with good and not so good parts. I was up to a month ago living with my wife who decided it was not for her and went back to England leaving me and my Son , we are staying.

    I have read on here and other sites about people not managing to settle into the life here and wanting to go back to the UK. My soon to be ex-wife missed her mum and sisters who for the whole of our 21 years of marriage did not have a good thing to say about me or her at times.

    Be sure that this is what you want to do and be honest with your partner about how you feel, believe me it is just as bad getting here setting up a new life and being told “ I never wanted to come it was all your idea” and faced with a move back as it is being home sick.

    I can’t see for the life off me what you would not like about it here it is a nice place with nice people. The only people I have meet which I did not take too were people my wife introduced to me, who moaned on about missing M&S, chocolate and one even missed Asda. The fact that they were in a beautiful place with great weather and lived in detached houses some with pools was lost on them.

    My advice to anybody who really wants to give it a go, come over it’s fantastic and to the people who are not sure or who’s life’s centre around the local pub and spending half your time around your parents house get out of the way, you are just holding up the visa’s of the others and when you get here just push the property prices up.

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    Guest Guest75

    Great first post Donny.

    Welcome to PIA.

     

     

    Great to see such a positive attitude after what you have been through:notworthy::notworthy:

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    Guest donny
    Great first post Donny.

    Welcome to PIA.

     

     

    Great to see such a positive attitude after what you have been through:notworthy::notworthy:

     

     

    It's easy having a positive attitude I've not been this happy in years. no upsets in the house my son is happy at school and I Pick up my Harley Davidson up on Thursday. :):)

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    Sounds Wonderful (apart from losing your wife, which I'm sure you are sad about)

     

    Now you can get on that Harley and make some real noise:D....but not near my house please:policeman::biglaugh::biglaugh:

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    Guest jill wright

    You go for it Donny good on you for having the guts to stick to your guns . Myself and hubby think this must be the hardest thing if one wants to go home and the other doesn't. I'm not sure how old your son is and what the parting with your wife was like but I think its pretty unselfish of her to let him stay behind and as much as I wish you two well I hope your wife is happy back home also cos it can't have been an easy decision for her. I wonder if now shes back home she's wondering why an earth she was missing things cos I bet that can happen too you know.

    Good luck to you all glad you and your son are enjoying your new life so much let it rip on that Harley!!!we might be able to hear it over here.

     

    Jill

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    Guest Lulujim

    Great post, very honest indeed.

    It is such an enormous move, you're right it needs to be 100% from both partners. I'm sorry it hasn't worked out for you..but from the sound of it, you'll make it work - and your son will have a great time growing up in Australia and will thank you for it one day! (At least we're hoping our children will thank us!) x

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    Guest donny

    Thanks for the replies. The move to Adelaide was my wifes idea I was happy doing my thing in the UK. But soon after getting here I decided it was for me and the wife decided it wasn’t for her.

    It was easy making the decision to split up we had sold everything we had in the UK because she had seen a few TV shows and then she wasn’t even willing to give it ago. I had nothing to go back to.

    Anybody coming here needs to be sure it is what they want and if they are unsure either stay where they are or if they are willing to give it a go try it but you need to give it more than a few months.

    Australia needs people who want to be an Australian not whinging ex pat who spend all their time running the place down and praising a place because M&S sell better knickers that they could not wait to leave a few months back.

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    Hey Donny,

     

    It could not have been an easy decision, especially with a child too.

     

    But I wish yourself, your wife and your son the very best and hope that the choices you have all made work out for you all.

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    Guest salisbury massive

    Since we moved here 3 years ago, my advice to people moving out is to make sure you have a rock solid relationship because being together 24 7 with no social life soon shows where the cracks will appear.

     

    I hope you find much happiness in your life here and your son sounds happy too.

     

    PS. You can buy marks and sparks knickers at Cunno's warehouse in Highbury.:D:D

     

    Jo

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    Since we moved here 3 years ago, my advice to people moving out is to make sure you have a rock solid relationship because being together 24 7 with no social life soon shows where the cracks will appear.

     

    I hope you find much happiness in your life here and your son sounds happy too.

     

    PS. You can buy marks and sparks knickers at Cunno's warehouse in Highbury.:D:D

     

    Jo

     

    :biglaugh::biglaugh: Save some for the rest of us Jo, I'm fed up with my cheapo Target knickers! Only joking Donny! Good luck to you and your son.

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    Guest Libby1971

    Good luck to you all.

     

    Moving to the other side of the world is a huge decision and to decide to go back, even harder. I feel for you all with your split and hope that time heals things.

     

    Thank you for your honest heartfelt post, it can't have been easy.

     

    Libby

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    Guest paul_smart
    Since we moved here 3 years ago, my advice to people moving out is to make sure you have a rock solid relationship because being together 24 7 with no social life soon shows where the cracks will appear.

     

    I hope you find much happiness in your life here and your son sounds happy too.

     

    PS. You can buy marks and sparks knickers at Cunno's warehouse in Highbury.:D:D

     

    Jo

     

    That's my fear, no friends, no social, in each others pockets 24/7, we get on fine but my shift work means we hardly see each other? moving in the first place is hard enough!!

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    That's my fear, no friends, no social, in each others pockets 24/7, we get on fine but my shift work means we hardly see each other? moving in the first place is hard enough!!

     

    The thing is, when you get here you MUST make the effort to contact people and to attend meet ups and social functions. It's really the only way to get through the first couple of months. The great thing about forums like PIA is that there are meet ups in the UK so you can get to know some people before you even get to Australia and even just exchanging views on line you can sort of form "friendships". We were lucky when we got here, we had small children and went to a playgroup which had been started by one of the members on PIA. As a result we met people who we are happy to call friends now, and through them we met even more people and created a new social network. We're happy, the kids are happy.

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    The thing is, when you get here you MUST make the effort to contact people and to attend meet ups and social functions. It's really the only way to get through the first couple of months. The great thing about forums like PIA is that there are meet ups in the UK so you can get to know some people before you even get to Australia and even just exchanging views on line you can sort of form "friendships". We were lucky when we got here, we had small children and went to a playgroup which had been started by one of the members on PIA. As a result we met people who we are happy to call friends now, and through them we met even more people and created a new social network. We're happy, the kids are happy.

     

    Never a truer word said Liz! :jiggy:

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    Guest Django
    Since we moved here 3 years ago, my advice to people moving out is to make sure you have a rock solid relationship because being together 24 7 with no social life soon shows where the cracks will appear.

     

    My worry is the total reverse as I think we will see less of each other. Tracey will be working full time and not part time, she hopes to get involved with the girls playing netball and going out with them wine tasting and the like. For myself I hope to get out and play a bit of golf more often.

    On the upside with have made a pledge to have a total family weekend each month where we will go out camping or similar as well as days out as a unit whenever possible.

     

    I must say though I do find it hard to understand how people can think about migrating to Oz either on a whim or half heartedly.

     

    Good luck to you and your son Donny. You have done the right thing in my opinion staying there because to me, there is not a lot a future for the young ones over here at the moment.

     

    Pete

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    Guest morgie@51

     

    Anybody coming here needs to be sure it is what they want and if they are unsure either stay where they are or if they are willing to give it a go try it but you need to give it more than a few months.

     

    I think that it's also important that both memebrs of a couple agree on what constitutes 'giving it a go' before they come.

     

    For us we've always agreed that we will give it 2 years at the absolute minimum before we would consider going back. So we aready have date planned in for the 17th of May 2010 (2 years from when Ali flies) to reasses the situation.

     

    For me as well I think it is important to agree a point of no return. For us it's 4 years. Now I think about it I'm not sure whether we've definitely agreed it but as I am on my own at the moment I'm currently in charge, so we have :biglaugh:.

     

    At 4 years in Meg, our eldest, will be 13 and if she is to go back to a schooling system that does important exams at 16 then she needs to go back at that point so that she has at least the last 2 full years in senior school as uninterrupted years in the uk system. I changed schools 4 times in 4 years at senior school due to moving areas twice to different schooling systems (normal junior/ senior and the middle / high school systems). Whilst it didn't do me any harm I can't imagine what it would be like to move from one country's system to anothers not long before important exams.

     

    Once Meg get's to a point that she could move after that (irrespective of whether she wanted to) Joey, the middle one, will be in the same boat and then when he gets to a suitable point the youngest, Pip, will be too close to move. So we efectively know that at 4 years time we either have to go back to the UK or we are committed to Australia for at least the following 10 years.

     

    At that point I think I'll be too old to consider returning and I'm not even going to think about there being a 4th child's education to consider :arghh:

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    Guest The Pottertons

    I dont know if i am on my own here but i sometimes wonder what 100% sure means exactly. I cant see a future for my kids here and feel determined that when i arrive in oz i will absolutely give it my all. But i still have days when im scared and wonder if im making a mistake, doubting that im strong enough etc. I kind of feel this is normal though and that women particularly see things in many shades of grey. we think through every possible outcome almost like we are priming ourselves to deal with it if it happens! So am i 100% sure its the right thing- No but then im never 100% sure about anything and because ive not lived there its only a perception of life in Adelaide that is available to me. All any of us can do is try!! So bring on my turn!!!!! Yvonne x

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    Guest Trakki

    Excellent first post Donny. We have decided that regardless of whether we loves or hate it we are going to stay until we get citizenship, that way if we do come back (not that I can see that happening) the children will be free to go to Oz at any time without having to worry about visas. I also agree with Yvonne that I don;t think that until you are there you can ever be 100% sure. I am 100% sure that it is the right thing that we are doing but until you live in a place you can't be 100% sure that it is the right place for you but then you can always move to a different are.

     

    Good luck to you and your son

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    Guest soggy

    I lived in the UK for forty years, so I think it only right I live in Australia for forty years before making a final decision, the first forty days have gone well though.:D

     

    Simon

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    Guest morgie@51
    I dont know if i am on my own here but i sometimes wonder what 100% sure means exactly. I cant see a future for my kids here and feel determined that when i arrive in oz i will absolutely give it my all. But i still have days when im scared and wonder if im making a mistake, doubting that im strong enough etc. I kind of feel this is normal though and that women particularly see things in many shades of grey. we think through every possible outcome almost like we are priming ourselves to deal with it if it happens! So am i 100% sure its the right thing- No but then im never 100% sure about anything and because ive not lived there its only a perception of life in Adelaide that is available to me. All any of us can do is try!! So bring on my turn!!!!! Yvonne x

     

    Yvonne , I think you're right. I don't think that you can be 100% certain you are coming to the right place. 7 years ago we moved from Preston to Cheshire. Didn't know if that was the right thing at the time. After 6 months Ali hated it and would have gone back given half a chance. By the time we left we loved it as a place and never regretted moving there. Who knows how we'll feel in Adelaide after 6 months and how that will change over time

     

    All you can be certain about is that you want to give it a go. That's why we have agreed on a set time before we would consider leaving. Now we have done that unless something really exceptional happens we will be in Adelaide for the next 2 years. If we didn't give it the 2 years we wouldn't feel that we'd given it a chance.

     

    You're not alone in wondering if you're doing the right thing. In the last 2/3 months before leaving there were lot's of times when we could easily have bottled it, and for us that is what it would have been. At the end of the day though none of the original reasons had changed. At the risk of sounding irresponsible or mad we just stopped thinking about whether it was the right thing and just tried to concentrate on getting on with doing it.

     

    We'll know the outcome in 2 years. One thing I do know however, is that we've done the right thing by trying it. The worst that happens is we go back to the uk having had a great adventure, lived in a different culture for at least 2 years and given the kids an experience that'll benefit them for the rest of their lives. Hopefully we'll stay beyond the 2 years and gain even more for all of us.

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    Guest jill wright

    This forum is worth its weight in gold espeicially when you read threads like this one . I agree with everything including not being hundred per cent sure its the right thing to do cos I can honestly say I'm not. Also it is more than easy to 'bottle it 'and I think we are all very brave. I agree with the two years bit also,infact I think it would be a good idea for all couples to make a pact on this because then neither can say 'you didn't give it a good enough go'. My main concern however is not me or Phil but the kids they are 7,12 and nearly 16 and its the two elder ones who have a lovely circle of friends here and a good social life that I really pray will be happy and thank us in years to come for changing their lives so drastically.

    Keep the honest posts coming cos its what we all need to hear

     

    Jill

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    Guest The Pottertons
    Yvonne , I think you're right. I don't think that you can be 100% certain you are coming to the right place. 7 years ago we moved from Preston to Cheshire. Didn't know if that was the right thing at the time. After 6 months Ali hated it and would have gone back given half a chance. By the time we left we loved it as a place and never regretted moving there. Who knows how we'll feel in Adelaide after 6 months and how that will change over time

     

    All you can be certain about is that you want to give it a go. That's why we have agreed on a set time before we would consider leaving. Now we have done that unless something really exceptional happens we will be in Adelaide for the next 2 years. If we didn't give it the 2 years we wouldn't feel that we'd given it a chance.

     

    You're not alone in wondering if you're doing the right thing. In the last 2/3 months before leaving there were lot's of times when we could easily have bottled it, and for us that is what it would have been. At the end of the day though none of the original reasons had changed. At the risk of sounding irresponsible or mad we just stopped thinking about whether it was the right thing and just tried to concentrate on getting on with doing it.

     

    We'll know the outcome in 2 years. One thing I do know however, is that we've done the right thing by trying it. The worst that happens is we go back to the uk having had a great adventure, lived in a different culture for at least 2 years and given the kids an experience that'll benefit them for the rest of their lives. Hopefully we'll stay beyond the 2 years and gain even more for all of us.

    Thanks a lot, what a great post and i agree we will probably do the same- put our heads down and get on with the job in hand when the time comes. And Jill we are all really brave and sometimes the fear makes us feel weak so its well worth remembering. we have also made the 2year pact as the thought of it breaking up our family if it doesnt work out is not worth thinking about. But as with everyone i speak to its the ones who dont give it time that come back so we have to heed the warning and get on with it!!! Yvonne xx

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    Guest mysnix

    I'm sorry Donny that things didn't work out for you as a family. We love Adelaide and the life we have here - we have up times and down times but know overall we have done the right thing for us at the moment.

     

    Sorry your wife was not happy - I agree with you, people missing things like M&S knickers (don't see the attraction there myself sorry - plus there is a shop on diagonal road that sells them) and gravy etc. bug me too at times - but generally they are small moans that stem from a larger unhappiness. Missing family and friends I think is the real issue generally and something everyone suffers with. I guess it is up to individuals if it is worth it or not.

     

    Hope things work out for you and your son!

     

    Nikki

    x

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    Guest smit

    However hard you think it will be to make the the move......................add 50% and you will be nearer the mark in reality!. And as for saying we will reassess after 2 years........im not putting you down, but until you are here and work through things, you dont know how long you will give it.

     

    Some people get decent jobs( one of the most important things..IMO ) and settle straight away, others are here for 7 months and still have no jobs, spent a fortune and wondereing what the hell they are doing here. Every persons experience is different, and until you get here , you dont know what yours is going to be. Having said that, the longer you are here , the more you assimilate.

    But whether you survive financially is another story

     

    Smit

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    Guest morgie@51
    However hard you think it will be to make the the move......................add 50% and you will be nearer the mark in reality!. And as for saying we will reassess after 2 years........im not putting you down, but until you are here and work through things, you dont know how long you will give it.

     

    Some people get decent jobs( one of the most important things..IMO ) and settle straight away, others are here for 7 months and still have no jobs, spent a fortune and wondereing what the hell they are doing here. Every persons experience is different, and until you get here , you dont know what yours is going to be. Having said that, the longer you are here , the more you assimilate.

    But whether you survive financially is another story

     

    Smit

     

    No put down taken but the point I was trying to make from the perspective of us as a couple was not the lengtj of time but that we both knew we had to be in agreement before we came how long we were committed to 'giving it a go'.

     

    The length of time is fairly irrelevant because, as you rightly point out, this will be different for everyone both when they are planning to emigrate and when they are actually here. 2 years was what seemed sensible to us based on our experience of having moved within the uk and our knowledge of what we as a family are like. However, I do believe that not to have that agreement in the first place increases the liklihood of such unfortunate situations as Donny's. So for us it was important that we did all we could to avoid such a situation and based our agreed timeframe on the only relevant information that we had.

     

    To my mind it doesn't matter whether the right length of time turns out to be 6 months. 2 years or 10 years. What matters is that we are setting of on the journey with the same mindset and understanding. We've thought through as many scenarios as we can, worked out how to deal with them as best we can with the information that we possess at that point in time, we've discussed them and we both have the same understanding and most importantly the same expectations. For me that is all part of the planning process.

     

    For our part neither of us could now reasonably suggest that 6 months was giving it enough time if the other felt that longer was needed. Granted situations like not having an income for 7 months would put a different perspective on things (falls into my exceptional circumstances category) but then again we have already considered what we would do if I, as the only worker, couldn't get a job relatively quickly. We already have a fairly good idea of how long we can last without an income and strategies to help make ends meet in the short term. Being an accountant my 'no income' budget is something that is being continually updated as I learn what costs what out here!

     

    By the way I'm not replying to be argumentative but I wouldn't want anyone to think I was suggesting 2 years as some sort of ideal. After all we're all different and things change as you go through the process. If you look at one of my previous posts I said that now I'm here I know that it was right for us for me to come first on my own but that we got the length of time wrong. I'm sure that in time we'll find that we've got most things wrong, after all we've never done this before but that doesn't mean we shouldn't have set out our own expectations before we came.

     

    Lastly, and should have said this on my first post on this thread, good luck to you and your son Donny. Hopefully all will work out right for you and your family in the end.

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