Diane

Should I be offended?

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    Just opened a Christmas card from someone in England: Now, this someone used to be a really good friend, although she's one of those friends who kind of resented us emigrating I think, and whenever I used to phone her was always saying things like "Oh well, your children won't get as good an education there, will they?", "the Australian Universities are not a patch on the English ones" and stuff like that, and I used to have to bite my lip not to start getting defensive. My daughter stayed with her for a while on her trip to England last year and she was a bit weird with her as well, and annoyed me a lot by criticising another good friend of mine and accusing her of all sorts of strange things to my daughter. My daughter also asked them why they'd never been out to visit us, despite being asked many many times and the reply was "Oh there's nothing in Australia, we'd far rather go to the US". No, nothing here, nothing at all - it's just a great empty wilderness with tumble weed blowing across the dessert...

     

    Anyway, I let it go. Today though I get this Christmas card from them - a Moonpig one - an on the front it says "It wouldn't be Christmas without a tough old bird, a rum-soaked pudding and a couple of fruitcakes....It's great having the Relatives round isn't it?"

     

    Am I just being hyper sensitive: the one thing most of us who have emigrated miss the most at Christmas is NOT being able to have the relatives round! I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt and think maybe she just liked the picture, and didn't think too deeply about the words, but with her you just can't be sure....!!

     

    Anyway, just thought I'd have a little rant - usually Christmas cards make me feel good with the thought that I've been in someone's thoughts, but this one...hmmmmm.......

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    Guest Claire-n-tel

    Sounds like you already knew how you felt about her before the card Di........some times it's just as well to cut your losses....my Dad told me once that not everyone is forever some are just for a while......don't spend your time analysing the card, put it in the bin and forget about it, who knows if it was meant to be mean but if you think it might be then you will keep feeling it so just ditch it and drink some wine :xmas15: Merry crimbo

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    It's quite possible your friend doesn't mean anything by any of her comments and she is just self absorbed and has no idea that other people may feel differently about things than she does. The card might or might not be deliberately chosen to make you feel bad but it's best to assume she didn't mean anything nasty by it and that she is just thoughtless.

     

    My brother sent my Christmas card to the house that we moved out of nearly 12 months ago. I could be offended that he hasn't remembered we've moved and that he didn't keep a record of the new address but I know that he's just useless rather than malicious.

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    I think you're reading too much into it for sure. I don't suppose she gave it any thought and you shouldn't waste any more time on it. I honestly thought it was quite funny! Cheer up, have a great Christmas xxxxxxxx

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    Di i wouldn't worry about it, i think it's funny TBH.

     

    It reminds me of the Thatcher joke, when at a restaurant with her cabinet she ordered chicken and the waiter said what about the vegetables, and she said they will have chicken too.

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    Guest Guest75
    Di i wouldn't worry about it, i think it's funny TBH.

     

    It reminds me of the Thatcher joke, when at a restaurant with her cabinet she ordered chicken and the waiter said what about the vegetables, and she said they will have chicken too.

     

    Good old Spitting Image..............

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    Ahhh Diane I think we all have a "friend" like that. I just don't bother with that friend anymore they are very small minded and can't be happy for others. As for the card I just think it's a funny card, I'd love to send one of those.

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    Over the next few months, go to a picturesque winery (no shortage here) and grab an amazing photo with wine, food, family and stunning backdrop.

     

    Turn it into a card, send it to her next year. She'll choke on her sprouts.

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    Seems to me you're being defensive... Just because you love Australia doesn't mean she has to.

     

    Uk uni's are better and she won't get as good an education as in the UK... We all knew that when we moved out here, well those with kids did.. Didn't we?

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    Seems to me you're being defensive... Just because you love Australia doesn't mean she has to.

     

    Uk uni's are better and she won't get as good an education as in the UK... We all knew that when we moved out here, well those with kids did.. Didn't we?

     

     

    International tests suggest that educational outcomes at aged 15 are higher in Australia than the UK across english, science and maths....

     

    I'm not saying I agree with that, but just making statements without any kind of evidence to lend them credibility is not very helpful.

     

    OECD-PISA RESULTS:

     

    In Australia, the average performance in reading of 15-year-olds is 512 points, compared to an average of 496 points in OECD countries (UK is 499)

    15-year-olds score 504 points in mathematics, the main topic of PISA 2012, compared to an average of 494 points in OECD countries (UK is 494)

    In science literacy, 15-year-olds in Australia score 521 points compared to an average of 501 points in OECD countries (UK is 514)

     

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    Seems to me you're being defensive... Just because you love Australia doesn't mean she has to.

     

    Uk uni's are better and she won't get as good an education as in the UK... We all knew that when we moved out here, well those with kids did.. Didn't we?

     

    Certainly my kids have managed to have a hugely better education here than they would have in the UK. Mind you, there they'd have gone to a dodgy comprehensive in Witham (leggings capital of the western world) or Maldon, and here we could afford to send them to a much nicer school with much higher standards.....

     

    Don't know how old your kids are @wubbledoos but if they are getting a worse education here than they were getting in the UK, perhaps you should look at moving schools?

     

    Actually getting back to the OP - I was a bit tongue in cheek - I'm not really upset or offended (I'm far too thick skinned for that!) but thanks for those who were concerned I might be :wubclub:- it just amused me a little and I'm sure anyone else who has been here a while has learnt that some friendships from "home" carry on regardless and some fall by the wayside.... and the latter....well, they're no great loss!

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    My daughter stayed with her for a while on her trip to England last year and she was a bit weird with her as well, and annoyed me a lot by criticising another good friend of mine and accusing her of all sorts of strange things to my daughter.

     

    Today though I get this Christmas card from them - it says "It wouldn't be Christmas without a tough old bird, a rum-soaked pudding and a couple of fruitcakes....It's great having the Relatives round isn't it?"

     

     

    Making your daughter feel awkward like that is pretty poor. Have you considered:

     

    a) your friend is now completely mad

     

    b) the card was simply describing her own family

     

    Just a thought :biggrin: LC

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    Uk uni's are better and she won't get as good an education as in the UK... We all knew that when we moved out here, well those with kids did.. Didn't we?

     

    Who on earth would make a decision to potentially sacrifice their child's education like that?

     

    LC

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    After almost 8 years here, some UK friends and family comments still take me by surprise and sometimes I do ask myself if I am being too sensitive, but then I try to remember that really the only people that 'get it' in terms of emigrating and what that involves are the people that have been through it and people make these comments without understanding the impact they can have.

     

    Several years ago, one of my oldest friends emailed me saying that she couldn't text me because it cost 20p and I thought to myself surely I am worth 20p!! I know that she misses me a lot and when we go back to the UK for a holiday she is one of the first ones to come round and see me and will go out of her way to spend time with us.

     

    I was chatting to an Aussie lady in Adelaide this week who is moving to Melbourne in the new year as she has secured a new job over there. She was telling me a similar story that the people who she thought would be upset by her moving away had been fine and very supportive, but the ones she thought would be supportive and pleased for her had been the opposite.

     

    I think the whole emigrating/moving away brings up so many emotions in everyone involved, you often don't know how people will react.

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    Hi Diane,

    your friend was either having a dig or not, but don't know for certain. However, you certainly know that you are upset. One thing I know is that when we feel that someone is have a go at us, we are more sensitive to somethings that would not normally ping on our radar.

     

    I'd speak to someone and let it all out and then just move on and don't let it interfere. If you are remaining friends, that will become evident in time, but maybe your relationship has changed and you may wish to consider what that means.

     

    All the best,

    Mark

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    Over the next few months, go to a picturesque winery (no shortage here) and grab an amazing photo with wine, food, family and stunning backdrop.

     

    Turn it into a card, send it to her next year. She'll choke on her sprouts.

     

    I like your thinking NeilW :biggrin:

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    International tests suggest that educational outcomes at aged 15 are higher in Australia than the UK across english, science and maths....

     

    I'm not saying I agree with that, but just making statements without any kind of evidence to lend them credibility is not very helpful.

     

    OECD-PISA RESULTS:

     

    In Australia, the average performance in reading of 15-year-olds is 512 points, compared to an average of 496 points in OECD countries (UK is 499)

    15-year-olds score 504 points in mathematics, the main topic of PISA 2012, compared to an average of 494 points in OECD countries (UK is 494)

    In science literacy, 15-year-olds in Australia score 521 points compared to an average of 501 points in OECD countries (UK is 514)

     

     

    Picking over numbers can get messy very quickly, but it's worth mentioning that averages aren't the only (nor necessarily the most telling) way of measuring performance: difference between the 5th and 95th percentile (e.g. the proportion of Aus students scoring lowest in maths grew from 14.3% in the 2003 sample to 19.7% in the one mentioned above, similarly with reading - that's hardly a good outcome), differences in school type (government, religious, independent - the UK has a far higher % of pupils in state-run schools than Aus, and the Aus government schools don't perform anywhere near the numbers shown above), immigration levels in the sampled schools and the origin of those immigrants, student resilience, rates of bullying, or what's happening in the different countries socially, demographically, economically etc.

     

    Also, if anyone cares to take a look at the state-by-state results, they'll see that those figures would be even higher for Australia if it weren't for SA's performance, dragging down the averages!

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    Some people do react very strangely to migration...they take it personally and feel like you have "left" them. Maybe you are sensitive to the underlying message because you know it's there. One thing to remember though, Christmas is always difficult at some point, for almost everybody. That's why so many of us get stressed out about it, especially women, because we want everyone to be happy and because we care if they're not. I am always relieved when it's all over!!

     

    I have a friend who has reacted very strangely to our migration, it feels very uncomfortable and complicated. We skyped our close group of friends the other morning while they were all partying at night, and she was in the background not talking to us and left while we were on skype!!! That made me feel awful but what can you do? People can be very strange.....

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    NeilW said the right thing just before me. Look at the better things that world has offered. Never let others spoil your inner peace Diane.

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    I was really upset when my best friend in the UK de-friended me on Facebook! I don't think she could cope with the pictures of the beach & sun! Her husband is still on my friends list!

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    Guest Guest75

    Is anyone else thinking...................."It's only a bl@@dy Christmas card"????

     

     

    You win some / you lose some.

     

     

    We have a few less Christmas cards this year, unsure if death or disregard.............. Still have good friends and lovely family though.

     

     

    I must be playing Devil's Advocate!!!!............. my peek at this thread was the 666th!:shocked::shocked:

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