Midweek funny

[Guest Guzzler&Sas]

It was entertainment time at the Day Centre for the elderly and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill.

 

People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.

 

As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced,unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance,

 

I intend to hypnotise each and every member of the audience.'

 

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.

I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations.'

 

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting 'Watch the watch, watch thewatch, watch the watch ....

 

The crowd became mesmerised as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.

Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

 

'SH1T,' said the Hypnotist.

 

 

 

 

It took three days to clean up the Day Centre.

[Guest Martin and Val]

Nice one, how about his one then?

 

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

 

 

 

 

 

 

A STICK !!

 

Boom Boom

[cormcvcr]

Good one!

 

I've heard the one about the stick, but it still makes me laugh!!

[The Monaghans]

Hattie's current favourite is "What do you call a monkey that flies? A hot air baboon"!

[cormcvcr]

Hattie's current favourite is "What do you call a monkey that flies? A hot air baboon"!

 

Tell Hattie that it is very funny!

 

My sons used to be: Why was tigger looking down the toilet?

 

Because he was looking for Pooh!!!!

[scooterdan]

Heard this today...

 

Daddy is on the toilet doing his business, when his little 5 year old daughter barges through the door....

 

'Daddy, daddy....where does poo come from???'

 

Dad is a bit taken back by this question from his daughter at such a young age....but proceeds to explain about what happens when we eat food....and our body gets rid of the rubbish stuff.....

 

Daughter looks a bit confused....then says ' What about Tigger......?'

 

well....it made me laugh!!

 

Dan and Steph