Eldest doesn't want to go

[Guest Tiddlypush]

We are considering moving to Oz late next year. We have to do it no later than that in order to give our youngest who will be 14 then the best opportunity to complete her education. Our eldest is at University and will be 21 if and when we move, and completing her final year. We thought that we would all go, with our eldest joining us after completing her degree. However she has now said that she doesn't want to live in Oz permanently and would only be with us for a short while. This is obviously disappointing but we fully understand. She is currently living away from home and doesn't see her future in Devon.

 

She has said it would be OK if we still went but that is easier said than done! Children leave home not parents, and obviously the natural urge is to want to keep us all together (and therefore stay in the UK), But if we don't go next year we won't be able to go at all due to age restrictions and our youngest's education.

 

Has anyone been in the same situation?

[Guest Django]

Hi TP,

 

Your eldest is an adult and is free to make up their own mind. It could be the other way round. You could be settled in Devon planning to see the rest of your lives there content with family around then your eldest says 'I'm going to live in Oz'. Same horse different jockey as my old workemate used to say.

I have older children that won't be coming with us when we go. You have to make a decission based on what is best for you and your other child. If its now or never then it is a big decission. You'll be gutted if in a few years time your daughter reconsiders and goes to Oz and you've missed the boat so to speak.

I would say go. If it turns out you miss your daughter that much you can always come back. If you don't go you will be forever asking yourself 'What if?'

 

Good luck its a decission only you and your family can make.

 

Pete

[Guest Libby1971]

I absolutely agree with Pete.

 

This is your chance and you must consider all of you. Even if your daughter doesn't want to go now, she may change her mind.

 

Like you we had a deadline of being out before Em started year 10. We left the UK just after Easter when she was in Year 9. She wasn't the most cooperative little bundle of sparkle when we got here but over a year later, she is wonderfully settled.

 

It is worth it, and opens a world of opportunities for your babies.

 

Libby

[Guest caoimhe]

I think Libby and Pete are right

You may find that once your daughter gets there she may love the place and settle but you must do what is best for the family you have at home

[Guest andylynnchriskirst]

I definately agree with Pete, Libby and caoimhe.

 

My dad is 44, 45 in July this year, so it is now or never.

I'm 16 and my sister is 15, and we'd prefer to give our parents their dream than stop them, especially because we will have probably moved out in the next 5 - 10 years, then we can do what we want. Plus we're both looking forward to the journey. I stopped us going out to Oz when i was around 8 years old and i regret it now.

I've discussed with my parents that i will 99.9% come back to England, because of the career i want to do, and due to the fact that it's literally impossible to achieve in Australia, plus, i would prefer to have my family in England (my personal decision).

Luckily I've just completed my GCSEs, so its my sister who is suffering a bit. However, this year, and for the future years, they are completing more GCSEs in year 10 rather than stuffing them all in 3 weeks like they did with mine. So she will have a bonus when we leave because (i think) she will start year 9 (which is our year 10).

 

Hope my rambling helped!

Good luck!

 

Chris

[Guest moonraker1959]

Hi there,

We are pretty much in the same situation as you.I was born in the UK,emigrated to Oz when little,grew up there,had my kids there,returned with kids in 1998 when they were 9 & 11.Now they are 18 & 21.The 21 yr old lives with her partner and baby daughter in Luton (not near us)and the 18 yr old is at home until she goes to uni in Oct.Neither want to return to Oz.My husband and I however do and have just lodged husbands spousal visa.I wish they were both coming as I feel pretty guilty but at the end of the day right,what if we stayed here,(we're no spring chooks)and the girls get abit older and then announce they are heading back there?I would have no one here then as my Mum etc all live in Adelaide?I love living in the UK but feel I have to move back to Oz whilst still young enough to start again.My girls are old enough now to decide where they want to be and I guess all I can hope for is they choose Oz later on?????Good luck its not easy is it?xx:sad:

[Guest Django]

Hope my rambling helped!

 

Your 'rambling' as you call it Chris is in fact a fantastic post. It goes to show that a 16 year old can be unselfish and understanding (I shall show this to my 16 year old;)).

Also I believe it will go a long way to ease the worries us parents go through as regarding leaving our children behind. Yes we will see and speak on the web, phone, etc and we will still see them on holiday visits. But its not the same and there is always a worry being so far away.

 

Thanks for taking the time.

 

Pete

 

ps Sarahsmartiepants will also be chuffed to bits that we have found another teenager that can type without it all coming out in illegable text speak.

[Guest sarahsmartiepants]

I agree with what every one has said , and yes Pete! Another teenager who can spell !!!

The one thing I wil add is to try and get the ones who dont want to come to at least validate and see Adelaide, that way when they go back to the UK they know what they might be missing.

I have met a fair few people from these sites and some not, but the majority of older kids who dont want to come change their mind after a while. If they have validated at least they have the chance to change their mind.

Does that make sence??? Its early!

sarah

[Guest stufi1997]

Hi, Just thought I'd add my tuppenceworth, We had flights all booked and paid for and my 19 year old daughter announced that in fact she didn't want to go and WOULDN'T be....I thought she would change her mind...last minute nerves and all that but true to her word didn't turn up at the airport. We came out anyway and had several fraught phone calls........to cut a long saga short, she came out to join us a month later, so now we have "kevin" here doing what she does best and keeping us all on our toes....alls well that ends well!!!!

My advice would be do what you feel is right, after all MOST teenagers/young adults don't know what they want, and even that's subject to change at a moments notice!! sigh

Fiona

[Guest Tiddlypush]

Just to say thank you for the positive and encouraging replies so far, in particular Chris. When you're the son/daughter, moving away is all part of life's adventure but when you're the parent it ain't so easy (my mum was worried sick about my ability to survive when I moved out at the tender young age of 27!!!! for heaven's sake, and only 20 miles away!!!). At the moment we're pushing on, getting as much information as possible and will put progess reports on here.

 

Best wishes

 

Alan (and Karen and offspring)

[Guest sassy]

Hi there....we are in the same situation as our 19yr old is adamant she is not coming!!! she is starting a course in sep 08 to do a course that will last 2yrs. we are dissapointed too but she is embarking on her own path in life now and as we have 2 other children feel she can always follow when and if she is ready.....our biggest stress is how she will manage on her own as she still lives at home and has no definate plans to move out and we feel we are "abandoning" her...she wants us to go and understands why we want to but it doesnt make it any easier......not sure if it has helped but you are not alone ....take care..hope it all works out...Sarah..xxx