Guest Guest75

All in the name of beauty.......

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    Guest Guest75

    Read elsewhere......HONEST!!

     

    All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of

    easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and

    now...the wax.

     

    My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner,

    play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully

    in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit

    out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise:

    the bathroom.

     

    It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax,

    you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you

    peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you

    pull the hair right off. No mess, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean,

    I'm

    not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this

    out.

     

    (YA THINK!?!)

     

    So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each

    other, stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius

    kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.

    ("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the

    skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best

    feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer

    eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of

    smooth skin

    extraordinaire.

     

    With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I

    sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting

    championship. I drop my knickers and place one foot on the toilet.

    Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side

    of my bikini line, covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and

    stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it

    was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

     

    I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....omg!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I

    notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.

    OH NO! What have I done???!!! Another deep breath and RRIIP! P!!

    Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay

    conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to

    normal.

     

    I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused

    me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in

    the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!

    There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

     

    Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see

    the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching

    wax.

     

    WHAT?! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which

    is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.

     

    Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped

    up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot

    down. My LIFE FLASHES BEFORE ME!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell

    door.

     

    *hoo-hoo*? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!

     

    I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and

    think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may

    pop off!"

     

    What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!! I'll

    run the hottest water I can stand into the bath, get in, immerse the

    wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off,

    right??? WRONG!!!!!!!

     

    I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to

    torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

     

    Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued

    together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of

    the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold

    wax.

     

    So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-

    epoxied myself to the porcelain!!

     

    God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a

    phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

     

    I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some

    secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter

    - "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the

    tub!"

     

    There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for

    removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to

    know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hoo-

    ha?"

     

    She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the

    rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

    YEAH!!!!! Right!!

     

    I would be the joke of someone else's night.

     

    While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax

    off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie

    goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot

    water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

     

    By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and

    I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counselling

    for this event.

     

    My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving

    grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I

    really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and omg!!!!!!!

     

    The scream probably woke the kids and scared the hell out of my

    friend.

     

    It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!!"

     

    I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.

     

    I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my

    grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!

     

    So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I

    could have amputated my own leg at this point.

     

    Next week I'm going to try hair colour......

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    Guest Matt & Suzi

    That was so funny, you really made me chuckle!!!

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    Guest RandC

    Ditto Sarah - Tyke - It's your fault I haven't done any ironing today!

     

    Cari ;)

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    Guest steph&neil

    Hey i have cried tears!!!!!!!!!! I do on the other hand have a solution! when i get out there book an appointment (i am fully qualified beautician!) bless you, it reminded me of my college days! :confused:

    hope you* hoohoo* is feeling better (or at least the feeling has returned):(

     

    ps book a salon for your hair & if you instist on doing it yourself buy clippers first heheheheheeh

     

    what a giggle thanks for sharing what most women have tried but fail to tell others that the experience is life threating & scaring!

    steph x

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