HEAPS GOOD !!!

Tommy Cooper - Legend-Pt2

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    And heres some more......

     

     

    Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and

    the other was eating fireworks.

    They charged one and let the other one off.

    You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.

    They left a little note on the windscreen; it said 'Parking Fine.'

    So that was nice.

    A man walked into the doctors,

    The doctor said "I haven't seen you in a long time"

    The man replied, "I know I've been ill"

    A man walked into the doctors,

    he said "I've hurt my arm in several places"

    The doctor said, "well don't go to those places"

    I had a ploughman's lunch the other day.

    He wasn't very happy.

    I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I

    couldn't find any.

    I bought some HP sauce the other day..

    It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.

     

     

    Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one

    of them would have seen it.

    Phone answering machine message -

    "...If you want to buy marijuana.............press the hash key..."

    I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he

    couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.

    He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

    My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.

    A strong currant pulled him in.

    A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.

    He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"

    The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".

    I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

    Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly.

    They lit a fire in the craft. It sank, proving once and for all that

    you can't have your kayak and heat it.

    Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered

    with hundreds and thousands.

    Police say that he topped himself.

     

    Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round."

    The other one says "So are you, you fat slob!"

    Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small

    two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery.

    Irish search and rescue work ers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and

    expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night

     

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    Guest Guest75

    Marvellous stuff!!

     

    Don't make em' like they used to:biglaugh::biglaugh:

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    Guest Guest75
    The plane crash one has me in stitches.....:biglaugh::biglaugh:

     

    It's nearly my entire script you've posted there!

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    Guest Guest75
    Haha:)

     

    We were up near yours yesterday mate.....up at SasnGuzzlers place enjoying the lovely spa.:)

     

    Thoat shouting and giggling was ruining my perfectly good hangover!!!!:embarrassed:

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