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Guest mOZzy

concieving children ...

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    Guest mOZzy

    The Smiths were unable to conceive children and

    decided to use a

    surrogate father to start their family. On the day

    the proxy father was

    to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and

    said, "Well, I'm off

    now. The man should be here soon."



    Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door

    baby photographer

    happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a




    Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."



    Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in,

    embarrassed, "I've been

    expecting you."



    Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well,

    that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"



    Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please

    come in and have a




    After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do

    we start?"



    Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the

    bath, one on the

    couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And

    sometimes the living room

    floor is fun. You can really spread out there."



    Bath, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work

    out for Harry and




    Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one

    time. But if we

    try several different positions and I shoot from six

    or seven angles,

    I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."



    My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.



    Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his

    time. I'd love to be in

    and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be

    disappointed with that."


    Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.



    The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out

    a portfolio of his

    baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus,"

    he said.


    Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her



    And these twins turned out exceptionally well -

    when you consider her

    mother was so difficult to work with."



    She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.


    Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to

    the park to get the

    job done right. People were crowding around four and

    five deep to get a

    good look."


    Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide

    with amazement.


    Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than

    three hours, too.


    The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I

    could hardly

    concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to

    rush my shots.

    Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my

    equipment, I just had

    to pack it all in."


    Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they

    actually chewed on your,"


    It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll

    set-up my tripod and

    we can get to work right away."




    Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my

    Canon on. It's much

    too heavy to be held in the hand very long."


    With that, Mrs. Smith fainted.

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    Guest mOZzy

    but honest! then we weren't allowed to write anything at all - because 'the Tykester' has been around soooo long and has (according to others) so much time on his hands that he probably has already written everything possible so far!!! ;)



    and i couldn't find the 'copywrite' anywhere on that post :P

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    Guest Aussiebound

    Very funny - but I thought it sounded familiar!

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