sueoc

Teenage sons dont want to be here.

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    Hiya,still,after eight months here our 2 teenage sons (17 and 18)pine for their lives back in the UK,with their mates,and wont embrace in any way the Australian way of life.They wont go out of the house,and spend all their time on the net,msn/skype etc ,or the phone,corresponding with their pals who they grew up with.They were never in the house in the UK!Now its starting to wear my wife down,she feels guilty about it all,even though we came for a better future for them primarily.Unfortunately for them they have not got anywhere to go back to initially in the UK,as we are renting out our house in the UK.They are both working here,which is good,but wouldnt have a clue how to fend for themselves.Who invented Teenagers eh !

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    Guest kangomik

    It looks like they are in limbo when it comes to finding friends, missing the last years of school.

    I think Dad should take them out more at the weekends LOL ( gives you an excuse)

     

    A difficult dilema, for you as well as them.

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    Guest majortom

    Hey sueoc we had the same problem with my then 17 year old when we arrived in 2006. He had a torrid time, and all he wanted for his 18th was a ticket back to the UK.

     

    Like your son's he was up all night on the computer chatting to his mates in Kent. His schooling took a dive, and we didnt know what to do.

     

    We always thought that he would settle well because in the UK he was a good swimmer, and was a Kent champion for 3 years running. So it was only natural that he carried the sport on over here, and hopefully meet new friends. Well he trained at a top swimming club (Norwood), and I knew he was still unhappy which broke our hearts. He just didnt want to try and mix with the others. I think he only attended to keep us happy.

     

    We had only been in the country about 3 months when he became a SA champion for the 100m Breastroke, we were so proud of him. But we knew it wasn't enough for our son. It was no shock when he told us that he was giving up the sport.

     

    He then started school, and although he didn't get up to scratch with his lessons, he started to make some real good friends, and to us that was more important. He then started to take up this Aussie rules football, he was no good at it, but he loved the game.We were so pleased for him and he started going out to the city at weekends with his mates, and would go down to one lads shack. He was starting to embracing the aussie way !!

     

    He left schoool with no real direction, and after a couple of months at TAFE he decided to join the Australian Airforce.( I got a picture of him in the photo gallery) He done his 11 weeks basic training at Wagga Wagga and is now training to be a communications and electronic technician near Melbourne and is loving life to the full.

     

    For us it was a waiting game, we didn't push him into anything and told him that when he became 18 it was up to him. I think we tend to forget as parents sometimes, that its our dream to come 12000 miles to fulfill those dreams. But we all now what our teenage years were like with our mates, so its going to be bloody hard for some of them.

     

    Hope it all turns out alright for the whole family, keep us posted.

     

    Good Luck

     

    Jim

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    Oh, bloody teenagers!!!!

     

    My delightful eldest went back after just 2 months in Oz; wouldnt even stay for my birthday!

    I really feel for you Sueoc...................but happy to see that your boys are working here, mine wouldnt even try that.

     

    Keep your chin up, they'll get it soon enough.

     

    XXX

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    Thank you for this post...and a special thanks to Jim for some encouraging words. I have a 17 and 15 year old who have not settled in well even after 2 years. There are a couple of friends...but the wrong type! and they seem really unhappy with their lot. Although we are from the UK they were born in Cape Town. They have so much freedom and opportunity here but they still miss the good things about their previous world. I am also just waiting for the difficult teenage years to come to an end and would really like them to find direction. I am trying to direct my oldest towards the military as he will meet such fabulous people in the services...friends for life as well as getting a career and sense of direction. My youngest...I just want him to go to boot camp!!

    Thanks for giving me hope that difficult periods do end and that there is light at the end of the teenage tunnel.

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    Guest sarahsmartiepants
    Hiya,still,after eight months here our 2 teenage sons (17 and 18)pine for their lives back in the UK,with their mates,and wont embrace in any way the Australian way of life.They wont go out of the house,and spend all their time on the net,msn/skype etc ,or the phone,corresponding with their pals who they grew up with.They were never in the house in the UK!Now its starting to wear my wife down,she feels guilty about it all,even though we came for a better future for them primarily.Unfortunately for them they have not got anywhere to go back to initially in the UK,as we are renting out our house in the UK.They are both working here,which is good,but wouldnt have a clue how to fend for themselves.Who invented Teenagers eh !

    it must be so hard with teenagers who dont settle, I reckon jim advice seems sound they hopefully will find their way in the end , or maybe send them back they might come back on their own. I dont know the definate answer sorry.......just wishing you luckx

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    Guest Nicky&Andy

    we too are in that position, did recci in feb 09, 17yr old said he's not coming back with us, big decision for us , as he will have to fend for himself if he stays, on the recci he was determined not to give it a try, (never mind the once in a life time holiday, kids dont seem to appricate anything these days, i used to get excited about a hol in cornwall)and still do lol . come on teens your ment to be the adventuras ones , not your parents

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    Guest kangomik

    we go on about our comfort zones, i suppose it is important to remember theirs. They are near adult age pretty soon (technically) they have to stand on their own two feet (though we never do!)

     

    Friends and life style are paramount, viewing into the future is not a skill yet aquired at that age.

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    Kangomik,thanks mate,how very,very true your answers are on this,we think alike,and realise,as you do,the intricacies of it all.ATB.

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    Guest stufi1997

    Hi all,

    Our drama is slightly different but still the same...we came out and was followed(a month later) by a very reluctant, but with very few other options 19 year old daughter. She sat on her behind for the best part of 8 months and was unwilling to step outside the house for a lot of that time...then she got a job at woolies and got a boyfriend(s) and she absolutely embraced the final part of the year...she's now back in Scotland (having ran out of time on her backpacker visa) and desperately wants to come back.....Now we're searching for a way for that to happen!!! We NEVER thought that she could change her mind so dramatically in such a short space of time, so try not to despair teenagers can change it all around in the blink of an eye...

    One minute we were all the crap parents with our stupid pipedreams and now all she thinks about is getting back over go figure!!

    Good luck and any ideas to help our problem are very welcome...

    Cheers Fiona

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    Guest mayjess

    Hi there, it is hard with teenagers, they have their comfort zone & when this is challenged they wont go for anything new in life a lot of the time, it is especially challenged when you move country, they need time to adjust, and a few mths is nothing when you add up how many yrs they lived in the UK and the roots they had, give them time & encouragement, sometimes after a year or 2 a trip bk home makes them realize the life they have in OZ is much better, but id try not to let them go bk before that as by then they have changed a lot & their mates have all moved on in life. As you know I have the same prob this end, my eldest loved OZ the most out of us all and now has a BF and seems reluctant to come bk to OZ now! but Im not pressuring her, Im calling her bluff at the mo by saying we are going anyhow, and if she wants to continue living with us, it`l be where we choose to live-not wher she chooses us to live!

     

    Id be patient and try encouraging them give it a full go, just be aware it is scary for them you know, starting from scratch with new mates etc!

     

    Wishing you loads of luck, it`l all be ok, may not feel like it at the mo, but give it time.

     

    Mayjess

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    Hi Fiona,

    It's great that things are working out. That's what we are waiting for...time...for things to turn around.

    Your daughter could marry my son and come back that way!!! He's a charming lad when he's not grunting. Serious..send picture!!!

    Is this a dating site or what?

    And while we are at it...we have a 46 year old friend who is looking for a wife but she has to be an Aussie!!

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    This is comforting to us,to know we are not alone with our probs,though we hope all of yours work out soon,thanks to all of you for your encouragement,Sue and Billy.

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    Guest stufi1997
    Hi Fiona,

    It's great that things are working out. That's what we are waiting for...time...for things to turn around.

    Your daughter could marry my son and come back that way!!! He's a charming lad when he's not grunting. Serious..send picture!!!

    Is this a dating site or what?

    And while we are at it...we have a 46 year old friend who is looking for a wife but she has to be an Aussie!!

    ;)I'll tell her, mind you her current boyfriend might not be too pleased about it, he's still here and as a last resort I expect she will find someone to marry unless we can find a less dramatic more legal way of getting her back:D

    I like your thinking though xx Fiona

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    Hi Fiona,

    It's great that things are working out. That's what we are waiting for...time...for things to turn around.

    Your daughter could marry my son and come back that way!!! He's a charming lad when he's not grunting. Serious..send picture!!!

    Is this a dating site or what?

    And while we are at it...we have a 46 year old friend who is looking for a wife but she has to be an Aussie!!

     

     

    Don't have teenagers, and can only imagine how bad it can be!!!

     

    But had to reply to this comment as i actually laughed out loud when i read it!!!! Keep up the sense of humour, sometimes it's all we've got to get us through it all!!! lol

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    Guest graandjac

    :unsure:I am sure it cant help the fact thet they are in contact with the uk so much, skype,msn and the rest. Would it not be an idea to limit some of the contact they have , its like a ex smoker lighting up but not smoking just looking at it.

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    hYA WE ARRIVED NEARLY 3 YEARS AGO WITH THEN A 16 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER WHO HATED!!!!!!!! THE PLACE WITH A PASSION, SHE EVN HATED THE BARREN LANDSCAPING AND THE ROUNDABOUTS LOL

    I CAN LAUGH NOW BUT AT THE TIME IT MADE MY HEART BREAK AND MADE ME WANT TO GO HOME. WE WENT BACK FOR THE DOWNLOAD FESTIVAL WFTER WE HAD BEEN HERE JUST 8 MONTHS,AS SOON AS WE CAME BACK SHE JUST SEEMED TO START MAKING FRIENDS, WHEN SHE WAS IN ADELAIDE SHE WAS EMAILING ALL HERUK FRIENDS THEN WHEN ON HOLS SHE EMAILED HER NEW ADELAIDE FRIENDS, AND ITS IMPROVED FROM THERE. IM NOT SAYING SHE WILL NEVER GO BACK, I THINK SHE MAY DO WHEN SHE HAS FINISHED HER NURSE TRAINING BUT THATLL BE HER DECISION THEN AND AT LEAST SHE WILL HAVE GIVEN IT A GO AND WILL HAVE THE PR TO BE ABLE TO RETURN. I KNOW IT FEELS LIKE IT CAN ONLY GET WORSE, BUT HONESTLY IT DOES GET BETTER.

    HOPE THIS HELPS

    CAROLL

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    Guest Nicky&Andy

    hi caroll

    thats exactly what i was hoping my son would do , when he had his recidency he could also come and go as he pleases. lets hope he see's sense, i know he will regret it in years to come if he doesnt.

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    I'm 17 I remember the glum look on my parents faces when they broke the news that we could be moving to Australia my initial reaction was "Are you going on your own" but thankfully they weren't, I thought it was silly that they thought I might be upset - I can't wait to move tbh (which should be witihin the next couple months) and I think I and my brother (16) will be fine because we're not wearing rose tinted glasses, we know it's going to be tough but we feel that aslong as we get through that rough period our lives as a family will be better because of it and when it comes to friends and such we go through life losing and gaining friends, is this any different accept that we have the powers of world wide communication so there's no problem as far as I am concerned there.

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    Guest Nicky&Andy

    i'm sure you will get on fine, with such a positive attitude, i wish you all the luck in the world,it would be great to know how you get on, keep us posted

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    I'm 17 I remember the glum look on my parents faces when they broke the news that we could be moving to Australia my initial reaction was "Are you going on your own" but thankfully they weren't, I thought it was silly that they thought I might be upset - I can't wait to move tbh (which should be witihin the next couple months) and I think I and my brother (16) will be fine because we're not wearing rose tinted glasses, we know it's going to be tough but we feel that aslong as we get through that rough period our lives as a family will be better because of it and when it comes to friends and such we go through life losing and gaining friends, is this any different accept that we have the powers of world wide communication so there's no problem as far as I am concerned there.

     

    Bl**dy hell son, you're making it much harder for us to tell you that we're leaving you behind now. :biglaugh:

    Only joking.

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    Guest Nicky&Andy

    maria, please tell me your son is not always like this, what a refreshing way for a 17yr old to be , you must be very proud,

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    maria, please tell me your son is not always like this, what a refreshing way for a 17yr old to be , you must be very proud,

     

    I'm glad to report that we have got two level headed sons.

     

    It's Howard by the way.

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    Guest the dobsons
    Hiya,still,after eight months here our 2 teenage sons (17 and 18)pine for their lives back in the UK,with their mates,and wont embrace in any way the Australian way of life.They wont go out of the house,and spend all their time on the net,msn/skype etc ,or the phone,corresponding with their pals who they grew up with.They were never in the house in the UK!Now its starting to wear my wife down,she feels guilty about it all,even though we came for a better future for them primarily.Unfortunately for them they have not got anywhere to go back to initially in the UK,as we are renting out our house in the UK.They are both working here,which is good,but wouldnt have a clue how to fend for themselves.Who invented Teenagers eh !

    hi there

    where are you living? my two boys are nearly 17 and 18 and are up for meeting some new friends .

    they are starting apprenterships at the mta in a few weeks so ask the boys if they are up for it.

    good luck

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