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Guest Roo1

Job application of a 75 year old - Funnnny!

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    Guest Roo1

    This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old

    >>pensioner

    >> submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells.

    >>

    >>

    >>

    >> They hired him because he was so funny..

    >>

    >>

    >>

    >> NAME:

    >>

    >> Kenneth Way (AKA Grumpy Bastard)

    >>

    >>

    >>

    >> SEX:

    >>

    >> Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at

    >> least one who will cooperate)

    >>

    >>

    >>

    >> DESIRED POSITION:

    >>

    >> Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But

    >> seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I

    >> wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?

    >>

    >>

    >>

    >> DESIRED SALARY:

    >>

    >> £150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style

    >> redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can

    >> haggle.

    >>

    >>

    >>

    >> EDUCATION:

    >>

    >> Yes.

    >>

    >>

    >>

    >> LAST POSITION HELD:

    >>

    >> Target for middle management hostility.

    >>

    >>

    >>

    >> PREVIOUS SALARY:

    >>

    >> A lot less than I'm worth.

    >>

    >>

    >>

    >> MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:

    >>

    >> My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

    >>

    >>

    >>

    >> REASON FOR LEAVING:

    >>

    >> It was a crap job.

    >>

    >>

    >>

    >> HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:

    >>

    >> Any.

    >>

    >>

    >>

    >> PREFERRED HOURS:

    >>

    >> 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

    >>

    >>

    >>

    >> DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:

    >>

    >> Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate

    >> environment.

    >>

    >>

    >>

    >> MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:

    >>

    >> If I had one, would I be here?

    >>

    >>

    >>

    >> DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU

    >> FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?:

    >>

    >> Of what?

    >>

    >>

    >>

    >> DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:

    >>

    >> I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you

    >> have a car that runs?"

    >>

    >>

    >>

    >> HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:

    >>

    >> I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free

    >> Holiday Offer, so they tell me.

    >>

    >>

    >>

    >> DO YOU SMOKE?:

    >>

    >> On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!

    >>

    >>

    >>

    >> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:

    >>

    >> Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish

    >> supermodel with big tits and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since

    >> sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

    >>

    >>

    >>

    >> NEAREST RELATIVE?:

    >>

    >> 7 miles

    >>

    >>

    >>

    >> DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE

    >> BEST OF

    >> YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:

    >>

    >>

    >>

    >> Oh yes, absolutely.

    >>

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