Ashes Joke....

[Guest Guest5035]

 

 

 

The two captains tossed the coin on

Boxing Day for the start of the fourth

test match in Melbourne.

 

Andrew Strauss called correctly and

said to Ricky Ponting "You can bat".

 

Ponting replied "No, I can't. I really

can't!"

 

 

 

Two Englishmen were discussing the

"drop in" pitch at Melbourne.

 

One said to the other "A drop-in pitch?

I know what that is.

 

It's where the Australian batsmen drop

in for a few moments and then get

out!"

 

 

 

What was the most proficient legwork

displayed by the Australian batsmen in

the fourth test match?

 

The walk back to the pavilion!

 

 

 

An Australian judge asked a little girl

"Now that your parents are getting

divorced, do you want to live with your

mummy?"

 

The little girl replied "No, my mummy

beats me."

 

The judge said "Well then, I guess you

want to live with your daddy."

 

The little girl responded "No, my daddy

beats me too."

 

The judge said "Well then, who do you

want to live with?"

 

The little girl replied "I want to live

with the Australian cricket team as

they never beat anybody".

 

 

 

What does Ricky Ponting put in his

hands to make sure that the next ball

almost always takes a wicket?

 

A bat.

 

 

 

As Ricky Ponting passed the man in the

white coat, he poked him in the chest

and said "That was never LBW mate. You

need glasses."

 

The man in the white coat replied "So

do you mate. I'm selling ice-cream."

 

 

 

Two Australian cricketers died and went

to heaven.

 

At the pearly gates St. Peter said

"Anyone who has ever cheated or

appealed without reason or sledged a

batsman or assaulted an umpire, step

forward and ask for forgiveness."

 

Shane Warne stepped forward and asked

for forgiveness.

 

St. Peter said "Come on in, and bring

that deaf bastard Ricky Ponting with

you."

 

 

 

What do you call it when Ricky Ponting

hits Jimmy Anderson over square leg for

six?

 

The worst attempted straight drive

you've ever seen!

 

 

 

Mrs. Ponting phoned the Australian

dressing room during the fourth test

match to remind her husband to pick up

two pints of milk on the way home.

 

Someone picked up the phone and said

"Hello".

 

Mrs. Ponting said "Can I speak to Ricky

please?"

 

"I'm sorry" came the reply. "He's

batting right now".

 

"OK" said Mrs. Ponting. "I'll hold".

 

 

 

It was Boxing Day and an Aussie was

pacing up and down at home while his

wife was in hospital giving birth.

 

The phone rang. "This is the hospital,

sir. Your wife has given birth to

twins. However, there are more on the

way".

 

The bloke put the phone down and drank

a tube of Fosters.

 

The phone rang again. "This is the

hospital, sir. Your wife has had

another little boy but there are still

more on the way".

 

The bloke put the phone down and drank

three more tubes of Fosters and by now

he was totally drunk.

 

He picked up the phone to ring the

hospital to find out if his wife had

had any more babies but by mistake, he

rang the Melbourne Cricket Ground.

 

When the phone was answered the bloke

asked "What's the latest?"

 

The reply came "98 all out, and the

last one was a duck!"

 

 

 

And finally

 

 

 

Ricky Ponting went to his doctor and

said "I've got a cricket ball stuck up

my arse".

 

The doctor replied "How's that?"

 

Ponting replied "Don't you start".

 

 

Stevo:biglaugh:

=

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest4829]

Apparently Ricky Ponting has taken up ironing

It's only way he gets to stay near a crease!

 

Daniel

[Guest lastboyscout]

What do you call an Aussie thats good with a bat?

 

 

 

A vet

[Diane]

Enjoy...

BBC - Comedy - Spout - England Win the Ashes