More PC

[Guest Guest75]

This will be me in 50 years...

 

[ATTACH=CONFIG]4709[/ATTACH]

 

 

Oi! Getting a bit sexist...................

 

 

This is me now!!!

 

I have cold sweats if Dan Murphy's put's up the price of my cheapo wine....

[Guest Guest75]

 

 

I suppose if it's the PIA ladies this would work,we do get Fairy Penguins here.

[Guest Guest75]

 

 

Snigger.............

[Guest Mrs Bon Jovi]

[ATTACH=CONFIG]4710[/ATTACH]

 

 

I suppose if it's the PIA ladies this would work,we do get Fairy Penguins here.

 

You spotted the penguin?!? You must be getting old

[Guest Guest75]

You spotted the penguin?!? You must be getting old

 

Shocking iniit??

 

Noticed the bushes needed a trim a well.................. er sorry that was another subject broached in this thread

[Guest Guest75]

NATAL CURRY CONTEST

 

.

The good people of Natal have a Curry Cook-off about June/July..

Judge #3 was an inexperienced food critic named Frank, who was visiting

from America.

 

Frank: "Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a Curry

Cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I

happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions

to the Beer Garden when the call came in. I was assured by the other two

judges (Natal Indians) that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy and,

besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I

accepted".

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

 

CURRY # 1 - SEELAN'S MANIAC MONSTER TOMATO CURRY...

Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge # 2 -- Nice smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.

Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy ****, what the hell is this stuff? You could

remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the

flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These people are crazy.

 

CHILLI #2 - PHOENIX BBQ CHICKEN CURRY...

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of chicken. Slight chilli tang.

Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what

I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who

wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre! They had to rush in more beer

when they saw the look on my face.

 

CURRY # 3 - SHAMILA'S FAMOUS "BURN DOWN THE GARAGE" CURRY...

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse curry. Great kick.

Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of chilli peppers.

Judge # 3 -- Call 911. I've located a uranium pill. My nose feels like I

have been snorting Drain Cleaner. Everyone knows the routine by now.

Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my

backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting pissed from all

the beer.

 

CHILLI # 4 - BABOO'S BLACK MAGIC BEAN CURRY...

Judge # 1 -- Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or

other mild foods, not much of a curry.

Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable

to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Shareen, the beer maid,

was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 200kg woman is starting

to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chilli an aphrodisiac?

 

 

CHILLI # 5 LALL'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...

Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding

considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2 -- Average beef curry, could use more tomato. Must admit the

chilli peppers make a strong statement.

Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I

can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed

paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her

chilli had given me brain damage.

Shareen saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it

from the pitcher.

I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the

other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.

 

CHILLI # 6 - VERISHNEE'S VEGETARIAN VARIETY...

Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of

spices and peppers.

Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,

sulphuric flames. I am definitely going to **** myself if I fart and I'm

worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand

behind me except that Shareen. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to

wipe my arse with a snow cone ice-cream.

 

CHILLI # 7 - SELINA'S "MOTHER-IN-LAW'S-TONGUE" CURRY...

Judge # 1 -- A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of

chilli peppers at the last moment. (I should take note at this stage

that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress

as he is cursing uncontrollably).

Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I

wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds

like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which

slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my

shirt. At least, during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've

decided to stop breathing - it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting

any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my

stomach.

 

CHILLI # 8 - NAIDOO'S TOENAIL CURLING CURRY...

Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending. This is a nice blend curry. Not too

bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced curry. Neither mild

nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted,

passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself.

Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor man, wonder how he'd have

reacted to really hot curry?

Judge # 3 - No Report

[Guest Guest75]

NO ONE has spotted the deliberate mistake yet............................:tongue::tongue:

[Guest ali]

:biglaugh:Talk about being in a wrong place at the wrong time

[Guest ali]

NO ONE has spotted the deliberate mistake yet............................:tongue::tongue:

 

Where should we look for it?

[Guest Mrs Bon Jovi]

Shocking iniit??

 

Noticed the bushes needed a trim a well.................. er sorry that was another subject broached in this thread

 

Right, that's it!! Penguins and bushes?

 

I am officially declaring you female and from this point on you shall always be known as "Tyketta"

[Guest Mrs Bon Jovi]

NO ONE has spotted the deliberate mistake yet............................:tongue::tongue:

 

All the Chillis?

[Guest ali]

Right, that's it!! Penguins and bushes?

 

I am officially declaring you female and from this point on you shall always be known as "Tyketta"

 

LOL Tyketta, I thought that Tyke was from up North, Tyketta sounds Hispanic?

[Guest Guest75]

Right, that's it!! Penguins and bushes?

 

I am officially declaring you female and from this point on you shall always be known as "Tyketta"

 

 

 

Too many female Tykes already, Mrs Tyke, Little Tyke (our daughter)

 

I did get nicknamed "Tena Tyke" elsewhere

[Guest Guest75]

Where should we look for it?

 

Thread title.........................

[Guest Guest75]

LOL Tyketta, I thought that Tyke was from up North, Tyketta sounds Hispanic?

 

Aye,appen'. I am from the north of England. Tyke is the nickname for a Yorkshireman, it's also easy to spell and remember!!!

[Guest Guest75]

 

Does this one hurt your eyes or is it just me???

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest ali]

Yayyyyyyyyy the Pineapple name chart has a Persian translation as well

[Guest Mrs Bon Jovi]

Thread title.........................

 

:biglaugh::biglaugh::biglaugh:

[Guest Guest75]

Just thought I'd put "More PC" rather than "More Non PC." Keeps those mods off our backs then:wink:

[Guest Mrs Bon Jovi]

[h=2][/h]

Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.

Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."

Vet: "Is it a tom?"

Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it with us."

 

****

 

A Yorkshireman' s dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.

Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"

Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"

Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone, yer daft beggar!"

 

****

 

A Yorkshireman's wife dies and the widower decides that her headstone should have the words "she were thine" engraved on it. He calls the stone mason, who assures him that the headstone will be ready a few days after the funeral. True to his word the stone mason calls the widower to say that the headstone is ready and would he like to come and have a look.

 

When the widower gets there he takes one look at the stone to see that it's been engraved "she were thin".

He explodes, 'Blimey man, you've left the "e" out.'

 

The stone mason apologises and assures the poor widower that it will be rectified the following morning. Next day comes and the widower returns to the stone mason, 'There you go sir, I've put the "e" on the stone for you.'

 

The widower looks at the stone and then reads out aloud - "E, she were thin".

 

****

 

Yorkshire man with a sore bum asks chemist "Nah then lad, does tha sell @rse cream?"

Chemist replies "Aye, Magnum or Cornetto?"

 

****

 

 

Im off to hide behind Ali now....

[Guest Helchops]

Old school...

 

[Guest Guest75]

Old school...

 

[ATTACH=CONFIG]4715[/ATTACH]

 

After having had a few sherberts I understand that...................

[Guest Guest75]

 

 

<CHOPPED ALL THAT BLASPHEMOUS STUFF! - GONNA GET YA!!!

 

Im off to hide behind Ali now....

 

 

Kidding, the @rse cream is funny as some friends of our from south of us say "Our @rse" ,meaning "Our house"

[thearmchairdetective]

LOL Tyketta, I thought that Tyke was from up North, Tyketta sounds Hispanic?

 

Actually, Tyketta is Yorkshire for a Tyke Chave, just like Wayne and Waynetta from Down South :-)

[thearmchairdetective]

This is Bart, one of our 3 Bedlington Terriers.

 

It deserves a caption............

 

[ATTACH=CONFIG]4666[/ATTACH]

 

Caption:

Tyke always needs a shave after a hard nite on the tiles!