support from families

[Guest vikkiann]

Hi all

 

A little thing on my mind................

 

Does anyone actually get any support from their families regarding their move to Australia. My dad only has negative things about it, he's never been though!

My sister has said she will find it in her to support me but when? When i get on the plane will be too late.

My sis in law has pretty much ignored us since xmas which really upsets my husband as its just the two of them.

 

I just wonder are they being a pain in the arse cos they don't want us to go, don't give a damn or are just jealous that we are prepared to try something different.

 

Bloody families!

 

Vikki

[Guest ReadyPenny]

Hi Vicki

 

Don't despair mine are much the same. Hubby's family say "go for it - right behind you, you can come back if it doesn't work " etc etc.

 

Mine have hardly said anything at all, not been to look at our photos of the reccie and keep pointing out all the negatives to our 10 year old daughter - like - "you won't see Aunty Charlotte's baby grow up if you jet off to Oz" (my sister is due in 4 weeks!)

 

Really cheesing me off, it's a big deal and I would rather they didn't say negative things to Amber, which I intend to have a go at them about tonight!!

 

I understand they don't want us to go, that is only natural, my mum and dad have seen Amber every day of her life so far and therefore it will be a huge wrench, but what they don't seem to get is that this is to her benefit??

 

Ignore them, you will be shot of them anyway very soon!!! Bet they will be flocking to visit you though once you get there - free holidays and all that!

 

Mandy

[Guest warren1832]

Hi

 

Tell me about it, after firstly be excited for my wife and me, my family have no resorted to some kind of emotional blackmail to try and get us to stay!!!..totally agree about them soon changing their minds when they get free hols!!

 

Mike

[Guest TC for short]

I think when people are being negative about someone else's impending move to the other side of the world they are (for the most part) tacitly voicing the fear of losing them, perhaps for ever. It is a huge concept to come to terms with; that you will not be able to hug, hold hands with or even simply touch a loved one again. Even though it is relatively easy to get out here on holiday it does take some planning & involves no mean expense. What they are expressing (imho) is akin to grief.

 

We tried to take some sting out of things by buying web-cams with the promise to set up SKYPE as soon as we are able so at least we will be able to see each other, and digital photo-frames for when we're off-line!

 

Take comfort in the fact that the only reason they seem so angry & negative is because they care for & love you so much.

[Guest vikkiann]

My sister is also pregnant and reminds me on a daily basis that i won't see her baby growing up which really hurts but i have to put my children first.

My dad has already said he won't be flying out to visit us, a bit harsh in my opinion.

I would welcome any family visiting but in reality it will be a few years down the line before any of them can get off their backsides, sorry as you can tell I'm very angry with them.

I honestly believe we are doing the right thing. I mean jesus christ i'd never uproot my family just for the sake of it.

Thanks for listening to me moan. At least i know that its not just my family.

 

Vikki

[ozzieclare2be]

i totally understand where your coming from and i was quite angry with chris' family for being similar. But you must understand how hurt they must be feeling too, took me a long time to get my head around this. At the moment you are all caught up in the xcitement of a new life, new home, jobs etc whereas they will be left behind.

 

All my family and friends said go for it, but chris mum and sister were not supportive really. At first i was angry but now i can understand. Mind you they never ring lol we always ring them, infact no bugger ever rings unless i skype im beginning to think they are well shut . Its not easy leaving family, harder than i imagined and my dad has been quite ill recently and now in respite care (some days he remembers we are out here others not as he has vascular demetia/parkinsons) the guilt i feel is enormous and i feel angry with myself sometimes for leaving , daft ey!! Its an emotional rollercoaster this emigrating lark but one you will quickly learn to master xx:wubclub:

[Guest the4hopes]

We are going in 5 weeks time, had my mum and dad and sister and her family around for the afternoon 2 weeks ago. We agreed to all go out for a meal, so far nothing organised,I havent got time to do it. No sign of anyone visiting us or even phoning!! I have made the effort for the visits and keeping in contact for the last 3 years, (when we first decided to move!)

No one has asked how we are getting on, or if we need any help with anything!

They understand what we are doing, but I could do with their support.

My work friends have been fantastic the whole time, they have planned a meal out for tomorrow night.

Most people are very positive, but there are some that ask why we are going, and how mad we are because we have never visited, a lady the other day said " oh i hope you don't get skin cancer"!!!!!

Remind me again why are we leaving the UK?????

Laura x

[Guest LOOBYLOO]

Sorry to hear of your troubles. When we told family we were applying for visa they were very supportive (dad had a job lined up in NSW in 60s but mum wouldn't go) but mum said she made her decision then and we now had our own family and had to decide what was best for us (provisionally booked leaving party even though we don't know when we are going!!!). My sister is finding it hard as we are close and would't mention the "A" word for a while. Phoned her the morning we got our visa and she said "Wow that's great" although I knew it was hurting her. Now found out I'm going to be an auntie again but we will be in Oz (hopefully). I find out from other people that my mum & dad are dreading our move but at least they are being supportive. I just keep focusing on our new life and remember why we made this decision in the first place

[Guest Chelseadownunder]

Its really wierd how people react to you moving to Oz. We have found close family actually going through phases. They started trying to create distance. Its as if they try to adjust their lives to get use to being with out you. We have thought close familly would want to see us as much as possible before we go but they havent reacted that way. Even saying they want us to just go now. I guess its all part of them coming to terms with it. Now we are nearly going it seems like they are getting closer again.

Hope this helps.

Scott UK

[Guest The Angus Clan]

Hi all

 

A little thing on my mind................

 

Does anyone actually get any support from their families regarding their move to Australia. My dad only has negative things about it, he's never been though!

My sister has said she will find it in her to support me but when? When i get on the plane will be too late.

My sis in law has pretty much ignored us since xmas which really upsets my husband as its just the two of them.

 

I just wonder are they being a pain in the arse cos they don't want us to go, don't give a damn or are just jealous that we are prepared to try something different.

 

Bloody families!

 

Vikki

 

Tell me about it! My parents and sister haven't spoken to me since a massive row last Xmas - our emigrating being the main trigger! And that was before we had even applied for a visa! It has made the whole business even more difficult for me especially , and quite frankly , this process is filled with enough grief without the additional pressure of family giving you the guilt trip, almost blackmailing you to stay!

Fortunately my in-laws , although sad , have given us their support (couldn't have coped with grief x 2!!!)

I do wonder whether my family will ever come round to the idea , or at least accept our decision to leave. The clock is really ticking now. I can really sympathise with all of you who are also having a hard time from family . Good luck and hope they all come round in the end.

Marcia

[Guest Chelseadownunder]

Its interesting that the free disk the removal people PSS and others give you with real life experiences. Alot show family pressure. Deliberately puting spanners in the works. Its really sad and selfish. Like you mention its stressfull enough.

Scott UK

[Hayshake]

I would like to re-iterate TC comments, My wife & I went through similar emotions, when our son moved to Aus 10 years ago, and Yes, it is like a grief when a loved one leaves for the other side of the world. Your Child or Children are almost turning there back on you, and not considering your feelings!!.

It took me about 2 years to accept the situation and my wife about 4 years. It is a long and difficult process.

We have now been to Australia most years since he left, and have now gained our Parent Visa's. We have spent 7 months last year living there, and shortly return for up to 2 years, when we have to decide if we stay in Aus. permanently, and leave our family and many old friends behind, or return to England, to take up our old life.

If you watch Wanted Down Under on the tele, you can see that every family goes through similar emotions, if they love one another.

My final thought would be, please keep in touch with your families, explain your feelings about leaving to them, understand their concerns, and under no circumstances fall out with your families, You may well want them in the future.

[The Flinns]

Since we told our families, the silence has been deafening. Neither Maria or myself are particularly close to our siblings (apart from Maria's elder sister).

 

The only two family members who have wished us luck and shown the slightest interest have been Maria's elder sister and my mother (oh and Maria's brother Tommy, who lives in NSW).

 

What is it with the human race and particularly family? Do they not realise how stressful this whole process is and that a little encouragement or support would go an enormously long way?

 

I have got to the point where I think, 'to hell with them all.' As I have lost count over the years of the amount of times that we have been there for them. When the boots on the other foot. Nothing.

 

Well as the saying goes, 'There's nowt queerer than folk'.........................

..And they don't coming any stranger than family! (my own bit)

 

Howard.

[Guest Nick11]

I'm so glad to realise that mine isn't only the dysfunctional family on the planet!

My mum never rings or keeps in contact with us as she says she can't afford the phone calls or the money for broadband! If she stopped smoking the 40 cigs a day shes on and the never ending supply of gin - then maybe she could afford it!!!!!!!

I'm not bitter or twisted btw!

 

And the mil's excuse for not ringing - she can't dial that many numbers in one go!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe that's a blessing more than a curse!

[Guest vikkiann]

I was wondering if our families are the only ones that are unreasonable and unsympathetic but at least i know there are so many people in the same boat.

When we was applying for the visa the support we got was awful but now we have it its even worse.

Not to mention trying to deal with our own emotions about going.

I can't imagine how they feel but we are not turning our back on them we are trying to improve our lives and the future of our children.

My dad visited us on Monday, thats the 5th time in nearly 4 years(not that I'm counting) so its not like we are close. He bought a pub 4 years ago and that is his life now. My mum lives in Holland, I've not spoke to her since July because she's too busy with her new husband. My sister is my best friend and i will miss her more than anybody could ever imagine, i have a brother who I'm very close to and I'm hoping that he will follow (i think it'll only be a couple of years).

We have tried explaining our reasons for going but now I've got to the point that I'm thinking why should we have to explain ourselves its not like they care because surely if they did they'd sit back and think what they are doing to our relationship. I'm looking forward to getting on that plane just to get away from all this stress.

Thanks for listening to my daily moan, lol.

 

Vikki