Does the heart wrench get any worse ???

[Guest guest4504]

Hi all. This week we have just announced to family that we will be leaving UK for Adelaide next Jan / Feb . I did not think that telling my parents would be so hard, I am 36, mother 50's father 63. I was more upset that they were so understanding. I had it in my head we would go to the UK for visit annually and so would they to Oz, therefore seeing them twice a year. However, from what they said regarding age and finance I think I was being far to optimistic ! They speak about missing our twins and us certainly, but sometimes I do read of those who could not cope and returned. I know that most go to Oz for their children's future but it does stay in my mind that Grandparent's do play alot in it also. I know most on here have and are going through, but does it really get any better... or does it get worst ? I also keep telling myself, ' To think I will miss my parents to much and they will our twins is just being selfish ' ... or is it ?

Anyway, to all those that went over and got through it, I tip my hat off to you all. Hearts of steel . .No offence on that one.

D

[Guest fatman]

Hi there D !!

I know EXACTLY how you are feeling!... it's awful isn't it! ... you go through so many emotions! some days easier. I have days when I think "I don't think I can do it", other days I am very positive... some days I have burst into tears (and that's before we leave!!!)... emotions like a rollarcoaster!!! ... I'm sure most families have gone through the same as us?

We are hoping to make the big move to Adelaide later this year, expecting to hear from a Case Officer any day now! We have two grown up daughters we will be leaving behind and a 3 year old Grandaughter! we have a 12 yr old daughter coming with us (though she always says she doesn't want to!)... Our families have been mostly supportive about the big move, but we realise there will be some broken hearts... the guilt some days is awful... BUT, this is our little family unit, our dream, life is so short and there will never be a "right" time to make the big move! especially for us being that bit older now (45, and 55 yrs old).... Hopefully my reply will be a small comfort to you knowing there are other families in the same boat as you OK!....

Try and stay positive!

Graham & Janis Price (In freezing Scotland just now!!!)

[Guest MADTOM]

Hi

I saw your post and I totally understand how you feel. Life would be perfect if we could move our close families with us.

We took our young children away last year and left my Grandmother (85 and my only close relative!) in the UK. We took her away on a holiday to tell her we were leaving it was absolutely heart wrenching promising annual returns to the UK, skyping once a week, phone calls and secretly hoping she would be able to manage the long plane journey to visit us!

 

Six months on she has been diagnosed with senile dementia, is in and out of hospital and is now temporarily in a care home. So can't skype or phone her really. All hope of her visiting us have been shattered. We are going to keep to our promise of annual visits to the UK (despite the huge cost) but am liaising with my Aunt as to whether we visit sooner or later!

There have been times I have sat at Coffee shops and suddenly the enormity of the situation has hit me and I have broken down in tears. We moved here for our children but I am conscious that they no longer see their Great Gran or their other family on OH's side.

Your parents are still very young and if you and they put money aside then a few years down the line perhaps they or you can visit. Have you considered skyping?

It's very hard especially being 10,000 miles away and it takes time to resolve that (I am not there yet!) but I believe you must look to your childrens future and do the best for them and yourselves. Only time will tell what that may be.

Sorry I don't know if it gets easier but as your life here develops I am sure time will lessen the heart wrenching feelings, If you ever feel like a coffee and a cry PM me.

[Tamara (Homes Down Under)]

It really is the difficult aspect of living here.

 

My parents came here in 2007 for 3 months and they have just spent another 3 months here. They left on Tuesday.

Skype and other internet programmes do make the world a smaller place but it's still upsetting.

 

I have been trying to get them to apply for a parents visa!

 

On the other side of the coin I have just been informed by my daughter that they will be leaving Australia in August and the news that my grandchildren will be leaving has me devastated. I now know what it feels like from both sides! I have 3 grandchildren that I see every day and the thought of them leaving and not being a part of my life brings me to tears...

 

Tamara

[Guest kangomik]

Aww it's one of the worst bits, the next 12 months gets kind of funny, some parents want to talk about some don't. Then when they do want to talk about - usually 2 weeks before you leave - your a bit over it all by then.

 

SKYPE, it's a god send, makes the world a smaller place. It's very busy now with over 20 mil on most nights, but get it all set up before you leave the uk and use it a few times then once you get here and get internet connections ( mobile dongles can be terrible for skype) things will feel a whole lot better

[foxychick]

It doesn't get any easier, for me the guilt remains and questioning whether it is a better life for my kids to be removed from their extended family. However, as mentioned skype is fantastic if your family will get involved with that and you do learn to live with the distance and accept it.

[Guest guest4504]

Hi all. thanks for replies. So Skype helps alot I take it. I will get it set up within the next few weeks and make sure all family are on also, loads of practice. How often do you or others get to see family and how long for ? Are return flights from Oz cheaper than return from UK ?with tax's and all. Thanks again.

[Guest trixie81]

It really is the difficult aspect of living here.

 

My parents came here in 2007 for 3 months and they have just spent another 3 months here. They left on Tuesday.

Skype and other internet programmes do make the world a smaller place but it's still upsetting.

 

I have been trying to get them to apply for a parents visa!

 

On the other side of the coin I have just been informed by my daughter that they will be leaving Australia in August and the news that my grandchildren will be leaving has me devastated. I now know what it feels like from both sides! I have 3 grandchildren that I see every day and the thought of them leaving and not being a part of my life brings me to tears...

 

Tamara

I feel for you its heart breaking,its only having my grandson that keeps me in oz.

[Guest andrew_obrien]

Hi all. This week we have just announced to family that we will be leaving UK for Adelaide next Jan / Feb . I did not think that telling my parents would be so hard, I am 36, mother 50's father 63. I was more upset that they were so understanding. I had it in my head we would go to the UK for visit annually and so would they to Oz, therefore seeing them twice a year. However, from what they said regarding age and finance I think I was being far to optimistic ! They speak about missing our twins and us certainly, but sometimes I do read of those who could not cope and returned. I know that most go to Oz for their children's future but it does stay in my mind that Grandparent's do play alot in it also. I know most on here have and are going through, but does it really get any better... or does it get worst ? I also keep telling myself, ' To think I will miss my parents to much and they will our twins is just being selfish ' ... or is it ?

Anyway, to all those that went over and got through it, I tip my hat off to you all. Hearts of steel . .No offence on that one.

D

 

I feel for you, i left the u.k on my own moving out for the 1st time ever only to have such a bad experiance in oz on my own but 2 years back in the U.K. all i want is to go back to australia so chin up and think its the best move for your family

[Guest kangomik]

Return flights from aus to UK are MORE expensive, you could be shocked. I know the prices have dropped lately but it will cost you about $10K for a family of 4 to get back to the UK....................... Yes i know guys you can get it cheaper if you have time to shop around etc, but lets be honest, if you all need to get back then it's for certain reasons usually and time frames don't come in to it. SKYPE is cool, and should be replaced by something new soon - going on the timeline of net stuff. We found it easier to use than messenger. Get it set up and try it out on your family, you will wonder why you even use a phone to talk when skype is cheaper and easier in the UK - and you see each other! We had a mobile dongle which worked ok at the rental, and used to spend 2 hours a week speaking to relies, voice mainly. we then moved and it was dire. We now have internet through the phone etc (cable) and it's very good. we spend 3 hours on a sunday through video, and 2 hours on a friday, via video. It's great for the grand parents to speak to the granchildren, and the delay is very small, generally less than half a second! We set the phones up in the UK for free calls to Australia, so the relies can ring when they want and don't have to worry about cost. Internet and phone use can be expensive over here compared to the UK, but lets face it your going to use the net etc to find jobs and houses. I think this is where short term rental accomadation can come into it's own if it has internet connection, it makes those first few weeks that little bit easier.

[Guest majortom]

Hi all,

 

We are in the same boat as fatman having older children in the UK, who have now had children of thier own in the 4 years we have been here. The guilt does really hits me sometimes, and I know that my daughters in the UK blame me for taking thier Brother and 4 year old sister 12000 miles away.

 

We now have 3 grandchildren (one we haven't seen yet) in the UK, and to be honest we find the only way to deal with it is to not discuss it. People have mentioned skype but my daughters find it too stressful and get upset when we finished a session on there.

 

Our dream was that maybe the daughters may follow us out here, but with thier partners families now in the frame it's made it harder for them.

 

Leaving families behind in the UK started way back in the era of the 10 pound poms, I know because it split our family up in the 1960's. But every parent wants the best for thier children, an IMO Australia has delivered that to our 2 children here (8 and 21).

 

We have also gone through the trauma of a sudden death in the close family { my wife's twin brother**. The shock of that phone call and the feeling of being so far away is something I hope none of you go through.

 

Adelaide has been our home since we first arrived, we love it here, but that pain of missing our children is still with us. But that's the circle of life, you have kids and they leave to have a family of thier own.

 

Now everyone wish me luck with those 6 numbers on Saturday.............

[Guest boesman]

We are expats that lived in the UK for the past 13 years, were married here and had our kiddies here. Since the kids arrived, i missed home terribly. Some days are better, but it never goes away. I think going to Aus would not be as bad for us now as it is for others emmigrating for the first time as we already said our goodbyes years ago. It is really expensive to for visits and sometimes we only manage a holiday with family once every two years and it is so hard to see our parents upset and missing their grand children's growing up and everything with it. As i said before, it never really goes away the heart ache, but you learn to live with it.

[Guest andy1865]

Hi, just reading all your stories as we are looking to go out this year if medicals come back ok, we are in the same boat really as my mum now 85 and not well health means if we go that will probably be the last time we see her, she so wants us to get out of this place she actually said she won't die before she sees us settled in Oz so i just don't know what to do now, when we first started this it was around 2 years ago and my 2 eldest lads 18 & 21 now was coming with us but now they have settled down they want to stay and come out later which again is another strain but to top it off my 6 year old dog is going to cost around £4000 with the flights and quarantine which i just haven't got but she is my partner in crime so i just can't leave her with anyone. what to do is a real test of the heart so i know what some people go through to try get a better life for the younger generation, oh well i've depressed you all enough now but really hope it all works out for you all.

Andy

[Guest moonraker1959]

Well I was one of the kids who emigrated to Adelaide with parents way back in 1970,except I left Adelaide 10 years ago with my aussie kids to return to the UK to live.All my family,Mum,brothers and sisters all still live in SA.My Mum is approaching 80,and has numerous health problems so is a constant concern to me.Its just not easy whatever way you look at it,and as someone else has said you learn to live with it.My brothers/sisters have made me feel quite guilty at times for leaving,which is'nt very nice to deal with.I've also been excluded from some family weddings,one last year in fact was my nephews,and we did'nt get an invite!Nice!I think you have to be a strong type of person to emigrate in the first place,and it makes it even harder if you are particularly close to your family.Its not easy for those you are leaving behind,but it does help to show some compassion towards them.When you have kids,you don't expect them to be living 10,000 miles away from you,so if they are upset,its of course only natural.

[Guest m.jephcott]

It is very difficult to leave family behind in the UK, when we arrived in Australia in late 2004, we left the UK as my parents moved to Cyprus. We had many difficulties in Oz and decided that at least back in the UK we had family and my parents were not to far away. We returned to the UK in Aug 2005. However we quickly realised that since my parents had moved, I only saw them yearly and contact with my sister was limited and my brother moved to Germany. My husbands family lived close by but were not close. Other than his mother they moved around the UK and contact again was yearly. We moved back to OZ last september, since our main reason for being back in UK was for family. I still feel guilty for leaving them, even my parents that don't even live in the UK, and I worry about when they get older or ill. None of our families have any intention of visiting us in Oz and we will not be able to afford to go back very often. You will always miss your family and wonder if you have done the right thing moving away, but will always regret the decision not to if you let the opportunity pass by.

[Diane]

It's never going to be easy. We moved here with the kids who were the only grandchildren on both sides at the time and to make it even worse on my Dad, who adores my kids, we flew out on his birthday! I don't know what I was thinking of...

 

However, since we've been here we've been lucky enough to have both pairs of parents visit an an almost annual basis, and my brother, my sister, and sister in law have all been for visits. With my brother and sister, we were never particularly close in the UK, got together occasionally but everyone has their own lives. When they were visiting though, it was really quality time together. We had time to chat, they saw the kids in all their moods(!), we had long wine-y dinners together... we probably got to know each other better in those short weeks together than we had in the previous 20-odd years living in the same country!

 

Unlike most on here, I've never been able to get to grips with Skype properly - probably because my family all talk over each other when together so Skype is hopeless for us - but we have long, cheap phone chats, swap emails etc, probably - again - more than we'd bothered to do in the UK.

 

No, it's not ideal, and I do dread the day we get one of 'those' phone calls, but I just wanted to say that there are unexpected up-sides sometimes.

 

My husbands brother now lives in Adelaide too, and to be honest, I chat to my brother and sister in the UK just as often as he does to his brother here! (Mind you, he's a man....!!)