Guest vikkiann

What to do???!!!

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    Guest vikkiann

    Hi all

     

    I used to visit this site regularly!

     

    We were granted our visa in August 2008 and are still in the uk.

    My husband is a plumber.

     

    We validated our visa in November 2008, rented a house north of Adelaide, it was a total dump! I liked it in the south though, especially Christies Beach.

     

    When we came home i was unsure about the big move, then the recession hit, we dropped our house by 30k but still no luck.

     

    We have 4 children who are now 2,4,7,11.

     

    My dilemma is...........

    my dad has cancer, my sister had just had her 1st child and my brother doesn't have anything to do with our family (long story) so i'm all he has, our son is at high school and i don't want to ruin his eduaction if it didn't work but every day i'm sat here thinking what if???

     

    Can someone give me some words of advice please, my husband loves Australia and would go in a shot but our 2 eldest children don't want to go, i'm torn, my love for my family or my family life and i know my children come first but i'm so confused and alone, my friends/family/husband are all biased!

     

    Any words would be appreciated!!

     

    Thanks

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    Guest Bilko

    Hi my Father gave me one bit of advice when leaving home at the age of 15 and that was you have too lead your own life not mine, and even now while he is in his 80's and quite ill I still remember his words then, it means "This is my life". try Youtubing this is my life Shirley Bassey. Good luck Bilko :)

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    Guest Nicky&Andy

    not an easy one, here goes, your two oldest will get over the move , dont leave it too late that they are old enough to stay in the uk, to go without your kiddies is the hardest,

    always regret what you have done and not what you havnt, what if and if only are better placed with "well at least we tried it and know its right/wrong for us"

     

    its such a shame your dad is unwell, talk to him, i'm sure he would want you to give it a go,is there a chance he can come over for long visits?

     

    i'm sure the time scale hasnt helped either, like you we had the visa in 2008 (still in the uk)then the crash,if we could have gone for good in 2008 our oldest would be with us too

     

    i really feel for you, its an emotional rollercoaster, dig deep and youll know whats right for you,

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    My kids were 10, 12 and 19 when we came over and they loved it, even the eldest, he wanted to try everything and go everywhere. My dad had died a few years previously, but my mum was still around, she ended up in a wheelchair, then had to have her leg amputated all the while suffering from dementia, but we still upped sticks. She passed away a year later, almost to the day we emigrated. I flew back for the funeral and to be with my brother. I don't regret not being there and I certainly don't regret being here. I put my husband and my kids first.

    Don't let the kids put you off coming over as they change their minds more than their underwear. Schools are a lot more laid back and they learn about life as well as maths n english etc, they are at a good age to make the move, the eldest two would be at the same school as they only start high school at 13 here. I would honestly say "bite the bullet" they WILL thank you for it later.

    Best of luck and keep us posted. xx

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    Ultimately only you can decide, but I have a couple of questions that may affect you-

     

    How long do you have left on your visa before you have to be here for good? this is obviously going to be a factor, as it puts a deadline on your decision.

     

    Are you very close to your sister? as part of your family too, if you are very close, you may find it very difficult to leave her and her new baby behind, can you be happy settling with your life in the UK?

     

    Sorry to be blunt with this last question, but don't know another way to phrase it - Is your dad likely to die in the near future or is he likely to recover from his cancer? None of us know what is around the corner, but if you have a close family member with a terminal illness, I would suggest you need to think long and hard (as you obviously are) about whether you can leave them at this time in their lives. We delayed our move here as my FIL had terminal cancer (he was only 55), and for our family the right decision was that we be there in the UK with him, I can't imagine how we would have settled here if we had moved and not been there for the rest of the family, however, everyone's situation is different.

     

    Ultimately we made the move with the opinion that was better to have tried Australia and move back to the UK if we chose, than live with regret of not trying. but again, everyone has a different situation and that viewpoint is all well and good as long as it is not going to stress you too much financially, I can't imagine anything worse than arriving here with a small amount of money, which then means you are unable to return to the UK, even if you want to.

     

    Best of luck with your decision

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    Just wanted to say that I really feel for you. My dad is terminally ill with cancer and we made the moving knowing I would probably never see him again.

     

    It is hard but my Dad said go for it, having said that. We were only here 4 mths when my Dad said he was no longer able to have any more treatment and that was it... I was in shock even though I knew it would happen so I jumped on a plane and spent $2000 to see him.

    If you make the move be clear about your Dad and when and if you will see him again. I am glad I went to see him but I wish I had also said my goodbyes before I left and not spent money we did not really have

     

    My kids are younger so that helps but I know plenty of people have come with older children and they have sturuggled initially but many soon settle into the laid back life, and many have said make the move as early as you can as the kids have less to miss and find it easier to settle in.

     

    With regards to the cost it's a tough one but if your a PR Visa then that will help alot and as Rachel says how long have you got to make your mind up???

     

    I am also quite biased as I am here and I tell everyone if you have the chance and the opportunity then do it, try and see how life would feel here for you.

    I live south not far from Christies beach and it is lovelly here blue sky, sany beaches etc but it is expensive. My husband is earning less but we are determined to make it work and you can too as long as your sensible.

     

    Good luck with your decision and I am sure your Dad is 100% behind you.

     

    Michelle

    x

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    At the end of the day, only you can know what feels right for you and your family and what is important at this particular point in time.

    Like foxy said how long do you have left on your visa to make a decision!

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    Guest vikkiann

    Thank you guys for your words of advice, our visa is a 175?, so we have until august 2013 to enter the country.

     

    As far as my dad goes ................

    i am the eldest, try to support him but don't like his wife! We speak 3 or 4 times a week, only see him once a fortnight but i live 30 miles away and he doesn't come to me and i know 110% that he would never take a flight to Australia so that's something i'll just have to deal with. i don't think his cancer is terminal, he has just had radiotherapy and it seem's to have worked.

     

    My sister is my best friend who i speak to every single day but again she has her life and 1 day wants to move to the coast!

     

    i think i'm going to call in the estate agents, bite the bullet, make the move and if it doesn't work well at least i've give it a shot!

     

    Thank you so much guys.

     

    xxx

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    Guest Skippy

    Hi Vikkiann,

     

    I wish you all the best for the future. I'm sure everything will work out.

     

    All the best, Anna x

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    Thats brilliant and good luck with everything, it will be hard and hopefully worth it.

     

    Stick to your guns and you will be fine, even through the hard times....that will inevitable come up over the next few months. Keep posting and reading threads on her and you will be fine.

    Big hugs and sending courage tooo

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    Guest clare

    Best of luck with your decision its a tuff one but yea stick to your guns! be strong, good luck for the future x

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    Guest vikkiann

    I think i was just making excuses not to go.

     

    I haven't even said to my OH yet because as soon as i say lets go he'll have the flights booked and be at the airport but i'd like to put a realistic time line on it. Probably january 2011 will be when we make the move.

     

    I was just concerened about missing family, kids education, my son is an a-star student top of everything and don't want to damage his education and my OH is a plumber and i know the rules are different to here.

     

    But the way i'm looking at it is ............. he's working 50+ hours a week at the moment to pay the mortgage and survive but we're not living and something's got to give.

     

    So let's give it a shot!!!

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    Guest kangomik

    Sometimes you just have to be selfish and think of yourself.

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    Guest vikkiann

    So very true!

    That's what i'm thinking at the moment, i've just had enough of the Uk.

     

    A house 2 doors down sold and i was outside while they were moving in just to see if they were polish, how awful!

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    Guest kangomik

    Sounds like your mind is made up, get things booked

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    Guest clare

    Sounds to me like you had a similar time to us. We have had our visas since april 2007 house on the market didnt sell up and down feelings, house sold last may for us an have been living with my mum and dad since we are going in 5 weeks im terrified that we dont have enough money worried if we are making a mistake am i doing the right thing taking my girls away from everything and everyone they know so well? can i handle making the move i dont know, right now i feel like im on the outside looking in on somebody elses life it doesnt feel like this is us right now. Then in the next breathe i cant wait to start our new life i think im going crazy.....:err:

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    Guest vikkiann

    Clare

     

    That's exactly how i felt in 2008.

     

    Now i'm thinking my son will be there before he starts high school so it shouldn't mess with his education too much.

    I don't worry about my girls so much, they are young enough to adjust.

     

    I just feel somethings got to give. If we go and don't like it, we can come back, we'd never be able to afford to live in the london area but i don't think i'd want to.

     

    When we were there i liked the seaford / christies beach area so i think that's where we'll be heading.

     

    You'll be fine, it's all a life changing adventure but it's for our family life and our children's life that we are doing it.

     

    xx

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    Guest Bilko

    why do you all at this gr8 site allow yourselves to be degraded so much by calling yourselves a derogetery name why not change

    it to Brits in Adelaide.

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    Guest vikkiann

    I think i'd decided let's do it..........

     

    Then i went to parents evening at my son's school on tuesday night, now i know he's a bright kid, he's in year 7 to be given the bombshell.........

     

    They want him to sit his IT GCSE next year when he's in year 8 and to do a triple science GCSE, the first 1 to be sat while he's in year 9 and he's predicted either A or A-star.

     

    Talk about throwing a spanner in the works!!!

     

    Would i be an awful mother to move him?!

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    Guest clare

    OMG! just when ud almost made ur mind up!!!!

    I dont think ud b an awful mother if you moved him.

    He would be gaining massively either way being so bright.

     

    Who knows what the future would hold for him in Austrailia!

    Good luck with another tough desision! x

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    Guest anneangle

    Hi, just felt compelled to write to you, i still live in the UK and we were going to apply for visa years ago but my mum will ill with cancer at the time....my mum lasted 8 years with cancer and she died in 2004, we are now at the point of applying but in hindsight i should of listened to my mum who said " if you are happy and settled " then i will be too, my mum longed to go to Australia but couldny even go for a holiday as no one whould insure her.... i wish you all the luck in the world but you dont want to be regretting not trying. Hope all goes well and will follow your posts.

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    Guest vikkiann

    Thank you Anne.

     

    I'm in turmoil at the moment!

    I want to try a new life in Australia but worry so much about damaging my son's education.

    Realistically we wouldn't make the move until early next year but i'm a bit confused as to when he would start high school out there as i know its 12/13, i'm just trying to find out when the cut off date is!

     

     

    I desperately want to go but can't imagine leaving my father behind. we have an uncle who lives in perth who dad hasn't seen since 1987 but i think i just need to make the big leap!

     

    Good luck with your visa.

    xx

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    Guest anneangle
    Thank you Anne.

     

    I'm in turmoil at the moment!

    I want to try a new life in Australia but worry so much about damaging my son's education.

    Realistically we wouldn't make the move until early next year but i'm a bit confused as to when he would start high school out there as i know its 12/13, i'm just trying to find out when the cut off date is!

     

     

    I desperately want to go but can't imagine leaving my father behind. we have an uncle who lives in perth who dad hasn't seen since 1987 but i think i just need to make the big leap!

     

    Good luck with your visa.

    xx

     

    Hi vicky,

     

    It sounds like you have a lot on your mind and you need to think about what you want also, with regards to your son the best thing is to find someone near to where you want to relocate to do some investigating for you....i work in a secondary school and children often start mid term and we have children that speak little english who still manage to adjust within weeks !!!

     

    Also with your Dad, you need to talk to him...but im sure that he would want you to make your own desicion, i have an uncle,auntie and cousins in Adelaide that i have never met. So thats quite exciting... have you been to Adelaide before ????:wubclub:

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    Guest vikkiann

    Yes, we went to adelaide in 2008. Toured loads of it as well. I prefer the south of the city (nearer the beach!).

     

    It will all come together i'm sure.

     

    xx

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    Guest hel&sam

    my two are 8 and 11, the eldest started high school in the uk last september, we came out here two months ago and i have never seen him this happy and relaxed, he's like a different child. i didnt want to leave it any longer thinking it would only get more difficult for him, although we could have done with waiting for an upturn on house prices and exchange rates but hey ho its only money. Tough decision but you only get one go at life so make the best decision for you and your family. Good luck.

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