Family- where did I go wrong

[Guest Lisado]

Hi there

 

Has anyone had an issue since u came here where members of your family dont want to speak to you???

 

\we had this 2day - my sister doesnt want to know when skyped her as she is "too busy"

 

in fact my other sis is the same in the US!

 

so now I sit here bubbling feeling lousy and wondering "what have i done wrong"

 

Lisa

[Riponian]

Oh no poor you! It is probably just an off day for her. Try again I am sure she will come round.

 

Take care

Michelle

[Guest allie]

You havnt done anything wrong!! They prob were genuinly busy, after all if you called from the uk and they were busy then they would say so and you would call them back. Homesickness is pretty horrible and can make things like that seem very hurtful, esp if you were really looking forward to the call. I doubt that they realised that they had hurt your feelings so maybe send them an email and explain that to them. We try to org times to skype so that it suits everyone (even with the ever-increasing time difference!) so maybe suggest that to them?

 

Sorry you're feeling lousy Hope your sis calls you back!

[Guest Lisado]

She knew I was on skype - spoke to BIL - she decidedto go in shower. I sent loads message saying I be there but she ignored me.

 

Feeling sorry for myself - had a ball so far - I love it here- so guess too good to be true

 

Just feel pants

 

I think she jeleous

 

xx

[Guest allie]

hmmm that sounds awful! why would she go in the shower when she knew you wanted to speak to her??! I take back my original reply cos that would make me feel crappy too You might have a point abt the jealousy....dont let it get you down!!!

[Guest sarahsmartiepants]

you moved to oz is what you have done wrong!!!

She is either missing you badly or envious or both!

She will come round eventually, just hang in there it might take a few month or so, just let her know you are there to talk when she is ready

[Guest the4hopes]

When I first phoned my mum after being here 8 months!! (Because she hadnt phoned us) She asked if I could call back later because she was just going out!!!!!!!! Some things never change. My sister took 10 months to phone because she couldnt work out the times!! But then cried when we said goodbye!

I had no birthday cards from friends when we had only been here 4 months! Hmmm.

Yes I think its because they miss us, some jealousy with friends, and also they are annoyed that we have left them.

[Pesty650]

How do people cope with parents missing them? Does the guilt about moving ever go away?

My OH is already blubbing about her parents and we haven't left the UK yet!

[Guest the4hopes]

How do people cope with parents missing them? Does the guilt about moving ever go away?

My OH is already blubbing about her parents and we haven't left the UK yet!

 

Sounds mean but you have to try not to think about it and just get on with things, theres no point upsetting yourself trying to think how relatives must be feeling, its up to them to sort it out and get on with their lives. You have your own life to think about, and plan.

[Guest Lisado]

I look a right sight today - pleased I sit at the back of the office on my own so no one has to look at me

 

My problem is I haven't felt homesick at all - I dont miss UK - I do miss my family though and I think this week I had to put kids in OHSC and never have before from 7.30 am until 5 or 6 pm at night. I just feel awful (they love it). Usually they would be at my parents house. Amelia's teacher likes the mams to be there at 8.30 for 20 mins to go over their letters etc which I cant and Amelia ended up being on her own (and one day in Kindy!) Then they want parents in to do a book of photos for a morning and I can't go and neither can hubby - so I feel fed up about that as again my parents would have gone

 

Just hit me how much you rely on family and when you million miles away its hard

 

But I'll get a grip of myself today - pointless dwelling on it

 

Sure my sis will come round in her own time (maybe next yr )

 

Lisa

[Guest Nick11]

I haven't met many people ... actually none at all really who haven't got a tale to tell about friends and family not keeping in touch.

At our leaving party I sent a book around for people to put e-mail addresses in etc.. we had all the 'I'll keep in touch..I wish I was as brave as you' comments.

Out of that whole book of over 100 people only my best friend, sister and mum and dad keep in touch. After a year of getting no e-mails from them all I sent them all a sarcy e-mail saying how time flies and how guilty I felt for not keeping in touch enough and how I really valued their friendship - guess what - no response from any of them!!!!

Hubbies theory is that they don't want to know how our lives have improved and how happy we are...

[lorluc]

I've lived here for 4 years.......my parents have never phoned me.....get the occassional email, but thats about it...

 

Unless I ring them...thats the only personal contact there is....at one point it was over 18 months between phone calls....i get to the stage where i cant be bothered....

 

When we first arrived, I asked them to get broadband (currently have dial-up)...so we could skype and do webcam, so they could see the kids etc (my kids are their only grandchildren)....nope....apparantley their internet usage didnt warrant the cost of broadband....and believe me...they are not hard up!!!

 

But then...tell me what grandparent...a few months away from their only grandchildren emigrating to the other side of the world, decides that their eldest grandchild (14 at the time) had upset them....so decided to 'punish' her, by ignoring her 15th birthday....4 months before she moved...4 months before possibly the last time they might see her.......

 

Oh, I could go on and on and on.......

[Guest Lisado]

So strange isn't it?

 

One of my best pals at work - took me out for lunch, arranged my leaving do, sorted my leaving pressies, cried etc when I left.

 

I dont know how many times I emailed her asking how she is, whats happening. She is on my facebook so I email her there and add comments and not once has she replied to me!

 

I was upset about that but now decided ot delete her from facebook (after I have an interview as she is my referee ) and then forget about her

 

I do agree though - I think people back in UK find it hard when we have moved on to a better life

[ladycasper]

How do people cope with parents missing them? Does the guilt about moving ever go away?

My OH is already blubbing about her parents and we haven't left the UK yet!

 

No the guilt doesnt go away but your get used to it !

 

Yes they may be jealous, my sister has not spoken to me either since we left over a year ago but my brother phones most weekends ! as he has talk talk

BUT my parents dont phone much..I think they have that "you left us" flag over them, which to honest I find really really selfish ! I could fall out with them but I dont want too !

They could have got talk talk too and called as often as they like for nothing..

 

Anyway I am skyping them tonight but it goes on too long and is a bit like an interview !

Family can be funny but we should not dance to their tune !

However, we dont really want to loose touch do we ? so we have to juts try and handle it right

 

YOu cant live your life for someone else even if it is a parent..

 

[Guest Nick11]

I've lived here for 4 years.......my parents have never phoned me.....get the occassional email, but thats about it...

 

Unless I ring them...thats the only personal contact there is....at one point it was over 18 months between phone calls....i get to the stage where i cant be bothered....

 

When we first arrived, I asked them to get broadband (currently have dial-up)...so we could skype and do webcam, so they could see the kids etc (my kids are their only grandchildren)....nope....apparantley their internet usage didnt warrant the cost of broadband....and believe me...they are not hard up!!!

 

But then...tell me what grandparent...a few months away from their only grandchildren emigrating to the other side of the world, decides that their eldest grandchild (14 at the time) had upset them....so decided to 'punish' her, by ignoring her 15th birthday....4 months before she moved...4 months before possibly the last time they might see her.......

 

Oh, I could go on and on and on.......

 

That is disgusting. I have an uncle who treats his grand kids exactly the same.

My mum won't go on the internet as it's too expensive.. but gets through 60 cigs a day !!!!!!

Maybe we ought to start up a club - dysfunctional families anon!!!

[The Monaghans]

I remember being warned when we first got here, by someone who'd been here a few years already, that the "friends" we had left behind in the UK wouldn't be our "friends" in 6 months time. I didn't believe him then but now I know he was absolutely telling the truth. The sad fact is I think, out of sight out of mind. And yes, jealousy does play a part as well.

 

Don't even get me started on skype! I skype my mum religiously every Sunday and it's torture trying to get the children to sit down and talk to grandma for ten minutes or so. The truth is, they don't really remember her that well, she's grandma only because we tell them she's grandma. Does that make sense? I don't think the guilt of leaving ever really goes away, it just gets easier to live with.

[lorluc]

Maybe we ought to start up a club - dysfunctional families anon!!!

 

 

Yep...definitely could belong to that one!!!!!!! LOL...

 

But it isnt all bad news.....we have lots of contact from my husband's family....his mum is arriving mid december...her 3rd visit in 4 years....didnt come last year as she had a hip replacement. They phone us regularly...as we do them......

[Guest Nick11]

Yep...definitely could belong to that one!!!!!!! LOL...

 

But it isnt all bad news.....we have lots of contact from my husband's family....his mum is arriving mid december...her 3rd visit in 4 years....didnt come last year as she had a hip replacement. They phone us regularly...as we do them......

 

Ah well then really in that case you can only be a part time member - I get to be a full time one - both sides of our families are looby loo!!!

[Flutterby]

Lisa

Since I left the UK in January, my sister has not spoken to me. She has Skype and knows how to use it but is really struggling with her emotions about me having left the UK. She will email me, but will not talk to me. Once she did try to call me on Skype when she had had a few drinks and had actually been recorded on Skype voice mail but since then nothing, she has been in the room when my mum has been talking to me but had to leave as she was upset. Personally I think she should confront it and not worry about being upset in front of me but people deal with things in different ways.

Don’t take it personally; as you can see from this thread, loads of people have the same experience with family members.

[Guest Lisado]

I have to admit- I am amazed that quite a few people are in the same boat.

 

What gets me is my sister who moved to USA few weeks before me - seems to speak to my sister more in UK. Plus the one in the USA wouldnt get out of bed to talk to me one morning, so I just spoke to her hubby and son on skype They told her I was on (they called me up!) and she said she'd speak another time!!!!!

 

I will defos join the dysfunctional family club:goofy:

[Guest nishman]

Ours was pretty dysfunstional before we left, and certainly the contact has become more and more one-way, often with no response (not to mention our kids birthdays )

[sueoc]

my sister emailed me last xmas saying she did not care if we never spoke again and that she thought i was disloyal to my parents i cried for a week and have never spoken with her since. i am here to make a better life for my 4 boys (men really 17 - 28) her son has not worked in uk for 12 months mine have all been employed and have afforded visits back to uk she is selfish and jealous and really thinks i am here on a long holiday, truth is we are all working hard for our futures and our childrens future

[minkyme29]

I am shocked and stunned by some of your experiences - how very sad. I admit I too have been disappointed by some friends not keeping in touch but then I haven't been the best at that either. For me the hardest thing is trying to encourage my mother to visit us as she will not commit to making the journey and changes the subject every time I try to discuss it with her. I still have very strong feelings of guilt for leaving family back in the UK, although they all supported us thankfully but still those complicated emotions are there none the less. I'm not sure I'll ever come to terms with leaving them behind particularly as they age and become more needy but I have to believe them when they say we made the right decision and they wish us all the best.

 

I am an only child so do not have any experiences of siblings being so unkind. For those of you enduring the difficulties of sibling jealousy, grief or ignorance I hope things work themselves for you soon. In the meantime all we can all do is live the life we have chosen for ourselves and our beautiful precious children and try to settle the best we can. I have spent so much time worrying about my mother's future, that I haven't been present to my new life and all the benefits. It is reassuring to know that I'm not alone when it comes to stressing out about the ties back 'home'.

[Guest katsmajic]

Im in the club too - my older bro didnt talk to me for months, i now get an occasional text in reply to when i text him, he wont talk to my mum cos shes moving over here - she was there for 2 weeks in august and despite trying to get to see him he waited til 2days before she returned to see her and then it was at my nephews grave.

[Guest Stella and Dave]

you situation is exactly the same as mine!, except they never used to bother when i was in uk either!!

only difference is i'm not upset any more, families eh? stel