Guest markmet

when the kids dont settle

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    Guest markmet

    Hi everyone

    We have been in oz for 12 weeks, although only in Adelaide for 9 weeks, my kids 13, 17 are not as enthusiastic as me and hubby. We absolutely love it, but they just arent prepared to give it a fair go. They shut themselves in their rooms and are stuck on their laptops. My daughter who has just started school is refusing to go back saying she is out of her comfort zone, and then tells me she didnt want to come to oz anyway and wants to go back to England, and that we have taken everything from her that she loves. Talk about pulling at the heart strings. As I keep telling her, what do we go back to. We dont have a home there, we gave up our jobs, and hubby as said he wont be going back anyway and that he is staying. So what did any of you do with kids who also found it hard to settle? It is such a beautiful country an we just wanted to provide them with the opportunities that oz has to offer, but I cant make them like it. I try to encourage them to go out, they just dont want to know. Any magic answers greatfully recieved.

    Thanks

    Chris

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    All they need is time, be sympathetic to them (I am sure you are), they will make friends and slowly get a new life here themselves too.

     

    If you had been here for a year or more I would think you could have more of a problem, 9 weeks is nothing.

     

    Just make sure they don't go and watch the Crows, that WILL depress them.

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    Guest markmet

    Hi

    Thanks for that, and Im hoping you are right. I know they will be fine if they just make an effort to see whats out there. Fingers crossed.

    Thanks again

    Chris

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    Guest Family Lomax

    I do feel for you as we all worry about our children. I also with your husbands attitude of I am staying so we have to make it. My daughter has lived in 3 countries, South Africa, Singapore and now Adelaide and she is a better child because of it. Taking them out of their comfort zone only grows character and makes them a stronger and better person in the long run. Go out as a family every night, even it is a walk along the beach. Get bikes and go riding.... Go on picnics/beach on the weekends, all this is for free and they will learn to realize that living in Aus is a hell of a lot better than living in the UK with the terrible weather. I am sure that with all the love that you are giving them they will come around in the end.

     

    Hi everyone

    We have been in oz for 12 weeks, although only in Adelaide for 9 weeks, my kids 13, 17 are not as enthusiastic as me and hubby. We absolutely love it, but they just arent prepared to give it a fair go. They shut themselves in their rooms and are stuck on their laptops. My daughter who has just started school is refusing to go back saying she is out of her comfort zone, and then tells me she didnt want to come to oz anyway and wants to go back to England, and that we have taken everything from her that she loves. Talk about pulling at the heart strings. As I keep telling her, what do we go back to. We dont have a home there, we gave up our jobs, and hubby as said he wont be going back anyway and that he is staying. So what did any of you do with kids who also found it hard to settle? It is such a beautiful country an we just wanted to provide them with the opportunities that oz has to offer, but I cant make them like it. I try to encourage them to go out, they just dont want to know. Any magic answers greatfully recieved.

    Thanks

    Chris

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    Guest needtogonow
    Hi everyone

    We have been in oz for 12 weeks, although only in Adelaide for 9 weeks, my kids 13, 17 are not as enthusiastic as me and hubby. We absolutely love it, but they just arent prepared to give it a fair go. They shut themselves in their rooms and are stuck on their laptops. My daughter who has just started school is refusing to go back saying she is out of her comfort zone, and then tells me she didnt want to come to oz anyway and wants to go back to England, and that we have taken everything from her that she loves. Talk about pulling at the heart strings. As I keep telling her, what do we go back to. We dont have a home there, we gave up our jobs, and hubby as said he wont be going back anyway and that he is staying. So what did any of you do with kids who also found it hard to settle? It is such a beautiful country an we just wanted to provide them with the opportunities that oz has to offer, but I cant make them like it. I try to encourage them to go out, they just dont want to know. Any magic answers greatfully recieved.

    Thanks

    Chris

     

    Hi Chris,

     

    I see from your previous posts that your daughter has just started Aberfoyle Park High.

    We arrived 3 weeks ago and my daughter who is 14 has also just started there today. We are in Hallett Cove but perhaps we could put them in touch with one another and they could catch up in school, this may help your daughter settle and it also would be great for mine.

     

    I do believe that how your daughter is feeling is very normal and have spoken to several people who have said the same thing but after some time they adjust and learn to love it. It is a lovely place and we also know we have made the right choice.

     

    Take care and if you want to pm me feel free,

     

    Bex

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    Guest Aussie pat

    I remember dragging a very sullen, moody daughter on a tour of her new school in December 2008. We were so embarrassed as she was so rude. She now says she'll kill herself if we make her move back to the UK as she loves her school so much!

     

    Give it time before you start to worry too much.

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    Guest Mick and Helen

    unfortunatley there are no easy answers and they are not at an easy age too. We have been here nearly 5 yrs and my then 18 yr old son went back to the UK as he could not settle either, however he did return after 8mths and then joined the Aussie Navy and now sys he will never return to England as this is a much better wya of life. It takes time and they may need to go back to sort it out for themselves as mine did. I dont envy you Iv been there and it was hard going.

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    Guest Roo1

    Hi Chris,

     

    Just thought I'd add my little bit, although personally I've not experienced this with my two, as they are so young. But I agree with the previous posters, your kids need to be pushed out the front door and let them see more of what Adelaide has to offer.

    Go camping, scuba diving, canoeing, even shark cage diving in Port Lincoln!!

    If they start enjoying life and feel good about their acheivements, then everything else will fall into place.

    Make new memories here and the UK won't seem so "wonderful" anymore.

     

    Best of luck Chris,

    Judi xxx

     

    p.s Just had to add Family Lomax stayed at Roo's place before you guys. It made me smile to see them comment on your post. x

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    Guest markmet

    Hi Judi

    Thanks for that. Falling short of dragging them out I will keep pushing them. Its trying to temp them with something. They probably want to do things but are frightened of letting go I think. But we will plod on. As for the Lomax comments, I dont remember seeing what they said, so please do enlighten me,

    Thanks

    Chris

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    Hi there we had some issues with our kids, and if it makes you feel any better they were far worse than what your kids are upto.

     

    Before we left the yUK they kept saying some stuff like " your ruining our lives tking us away fron our friends "

     

    The snakes and spiders are going to kill us

     

    and on and on....

     

    Then we get here and they get mixed up with the very wrong crowd, and got into all sorts of s**t i am not going to go into too much detail but we got to know police and the way the system works out here.....and let me tell you this it aint no easy ride with the law out here...not like the yUK

     

    Thankfully they have come through all the crap and seemed to have settled down somewhat they have moved out and have moved in with friends.....all good as our lives are a lot quieter too lol.

     

    You may have moved to the other side of the world but lifes the same, still have to work, kids get upto mischief etc etc....

     

    I am pretty sure they come thru it all.....just try and get them into clubs or something to get there interest this in turn will allow them to meet other kids and start to make friends.

     

    i hope this helps somewhat

     

     

    HG

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    Guest markmet

    Hi HG

    Thanks for your reply. Sounds like you had it pretty rough for a while, and glad to hear you managed to come through it all. As for the spiders and snakes thats another issue with the kids, not sleeping properly trying to keep one eye open for spiders, bugs etc. But we made the desicion to come here so now we have to ride the waves i guess.

    Thanks again and may the quiet life long continue for you.

    Chris

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    hya sure your kids will settle in time, our 16 yr old settled straight away, and we were worried as relatives back home kept skyping us crying missing us and upsetting the kids.

    My 16 has so much more confidence here (she always been a cheeky bugger) but has put herself forward for school plays, lead parts which she would never have done before, she would havebeen to self concious.

    She's learning to drive, and finds away around the city by train/bus catches tram down beach with her new friends, has sleep overs, she really has settled well. Its my 8yr old who finds it harder to settle even tho she ok too.

     

    hope this helps xxxx

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    Hi HG

    Thanks for your reply. Sounds like you had it pretty rough for a while, and glad to hear you managed to come through it all. As for the spiders and snakes thats another issue with the kids, not sleeping properly trying to keep one eye open for spiders, bugs etc. But we made the desicion to come here so now we have to ride the waves i guess.

    Thanks again and may the quiet life long continue for you.

    Chris

     

     

    If you ever need chat just PM me......

     

    It will all come good....;)

     

    HG

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    Hiya Markmet,

    You ain't the only one , believe me.We came out 20 months ago with 2 very unhappy teenage boys.They were literally kicking and screaming on the flight out to Adelaide!Anyway,the first year was hell on earth for us,watching them so depressed,not going out the door,hating us for taking them away from their friends,and ,as they kept telling us 'ruining their lives'!Then,after about 14/15 months a light appears at the end of the tunnel.Suddenly the oldest gets a job he likes,has friends,and introduces them to the sullen youngest one!Lo and behold,we are amazed to see them both out all the time,integrating with new friends,and enjoying life again!That's life when you got teenagers!Stick it out,it'll all fall into place eventually:D

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    Guest thekings

    Wow what a relief, we thought it was only us who had a reluctant teenager. Thanks for the encouragement and thanks markmet for the original post.

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    Guest Roo1
    I do feel for you as we all worry about our children. I also with your husbands attitude of I am staying so we have to make it. My daughter has lived in 3 countries, South Africa, Singapore and now Adelaide and she is a better child because of it. Taking them out of their comfort zone only grows character and makes them a stronger and better person in the long run. Go out as a family every night, even it is a walk along the beach. Get bikes and go riding.... Go on picnics/beach on the weekends, all this is for free and they will learn to realize that living in Aus is a hell of a lot better than living in the UK with the terrible weather. I am sure that with all the love that you are giving them they will come around in the end.

     

    There you go Chris! :) Thanks for your reply. xx

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    Guest Guest75

    We have quite a lot of families with teenagers come through.

     

    Unfortunately most have to go through a "phase" here,it is unpleasant but worth it.

    They will be online on MSM/Facebook to their mates back in the UK constantly, then it seems to turn a little sour as their "Mates" get fed up hearing about the beaches /Kangaroos.

     

    As suggested , keep em busy - somehow.

     

    If they are old enough let them try for a part time job, even flipping burgers. They will get to meet kids their own age and feel just a little more independent.

     

    Another trick nearly guaranteed to bring them on - driving lessons, especially with the part timer job.

    You can get your license here at 16.

    The lessons are a great distraction.

     

     

    Good luck, you really are not on your own ;)

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    Hi everyone

    We have been in oz for 12 weeks, although only in Adelaide for 9 weeks, my kids 13, 17 are not as enthusiastic as me and hubby. We absolutely love it, but they just arent prepared to give it a fair go. They shut themselves in their rooms and are stuck on their laptops. My daughter who has just started school is refusing to go back saying she is out of her comfort zone, and then tells me she didnt want to come to oz anyway and wants to go back to England, and that we have taken everything from her that she loves. Talk about pulling at the heart strings. As I keep telling her, what do we go back to. We dont have a home there, we gave up our jobs, and hubby as said he wont be going back anyway and that he is staying. So what did any of you do with kids who also found it hard to settle? It is such a beautiful country an we just wanted to provide them with the opportunities that oz has to offer, but I cant make them like it. I try to encourage them to go out, they just dont want to know. Any magic answers greatfully recieved.

    Thanks

    Chris

     

    Heyya Chris,

     

    Wow heavy emotional stuff hey, do you know I bet there isnt a person on here who hasnt gone through all this with older children at some stage.

    I know we did our son was only 11 when we came but 1 year on he still hadnt made a friend and life here was so difficult, hubbys job didnt work out, nobody was settling, so we thought blast it all, lets go back home, so we put the car and the home lease in the Advertiser, the person who came to see the house , their son became Zacs best friend at school, he settled we settled everything has been perfect since.

    Zac said to us a few months ago and I quote.

    "Mum what happens to us if you and Dad die"

    I said you go back to the UK to live with your Aunty.

    He said "You'll have to rethink that one, I dont want to live back there"

    "Only would go for a quick vist"

    And there you go, When they find friends and they know you wont change your mind they settle.

     

    Good luck, where do they go to school????

     

    Laura xxx

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    Guest markmet

    Hi everyone

    Just wanted to say a big thankyou to everyone for your words of encouragement. Its nice to know you are not on your own. Its is difficult because it is the decisions you make that impacts on the children. In turn that makes you feel guilty for them being unhappy. We do have to stick it out, as I keep telling the kids even if we went back what do you go back to?. Although you do think you could jump on a plane and make everything alright, it isnt that simple is it. Anyway will stick with it, an hopefully in 12 months time I will be telling you all a completely different story.

    Thanks again everyone. It does help being able to talk and listen to other peoples experiences.

    Chris

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    Guest janny

    Hi Just to let u know. u arent on your own. we have 3 kids 7,10 13. 2 out of 3 want to go back to the UK.Dilemna-i know.we have been here 14 weeks and we recognise that it is still early days.But to be honest-maybe we left our hearts in the UK too?

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    Guest kangomik

    The three month wobble........ it's like hitting a brick wall, it's no longer a holiday and things become serious. It was my biggest hurdle and you used to read alot about the three month phase, not so much any more.

     

    Remember why you wanted to come, what you can get, and remember you have to take every offer of a meet up, you have to put 110% into meeting new people.

     

    The next wobble is usually 6 to 8 months.

     

    Things happen sometimes that make you think back to the old life........ i used to just remember all those voices at the leaving doo's telling you they wish they had the balls to do this.:wubclub:

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    Guest markmet

    Hi Janny

    It is difficult for those of us with children I know, but as someone has said in earlier thread, you have to remind yourself why you wanted to come here in the first place. With kids your reasons are probably similar to ours. Better lifestyle, better weather and the sea etc. Myself and my husband love it here and have no desires to return to the uk, and although I do feel bad that the kids arent happy here, I remind them that they can return in a few years time if they dislike it that much, but for us it was now or never. You could say the same to your older ones, and I think the younger ones will settle sooner rather than later as they are more adaptable. Funnily enough we just popped to foodland and the girl who served me asked what part of england was I from. We got chatting and she has been here 7 years. She is only fifteen now. She said it took her a year and a half to settle but wouldnt want to go back to the uk. So I guess we have to ride the waves and hope all comes good in the end. Bit more difficult if your hearts not in it though. I do think you need to give it more time, and remember all the hard work it took to get here in the first place. Give it more time before you throw in the towel. Good luck with it all, and we will have to update each other as to how we are all getting on

    Chris

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