Boxertony

Son & Daughter Going Back To UK Alone

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    I had a bomshell dropped on my lap last night, both my son aged 21 and my daughter aged 17 have decided to go back to the UK.

     

    My Son has a job, earns around $1400 every two weeks, plays semi pro soccer for $300 a game, gained some friends, plays golf with me at the weekends. I thought he was settled. But he mentioned that he wants to better himself and does not want to work in an office all his life. He wants to be a Physical Education Teacher at a Secondary School. Because of our visa we are not entitled to any financial assistance with education here in Adelaide and it is so expensive. However he can go to Edge Hill University near Liverpool and gain student loans to support himself through University. He mentioned that he needs qualifications to suceed here in Adelaide and that he has minimal educational qualifications, he would also like to join the Police or the Fire Service, but he cannot because of our 475 visa (not having PR). I am heartbroken but to some degree I totally understand. He will stay at his Grandma's when not at University, about one hour away from his University.

     

    My daughter aged 17 did not want to come to Adelaide in the first place, she did not want to leave her boyfriend, her hairdressing apprenticeship and friends. She has not met any local friends since the four months we have been here, she has had 11 hairdressing trials and not one have offered her employment (slave labour). She has stated that she wants to return to her Grandma's with her brother and then gain another hairdressing apprenticeship and get paid for it. In addition it will only take her two years to become a qualified hairdresser as here in Adelaide it is four years to become qualified. With my daughter, she has continually been pulled back to the UK by her boyfriend and her friends, but these friends and boyfriend actually live a two and half hours drive away from her Grandma's. But she does have her half sister, who is due her baby in late July and three half brothers who live near her Grandma and also two cousins her age (from her mother's side) Yet again this will break my heart but again I do understand where she is coming from. Both kids have stated that they will return but I cannot see it.

     

    I have been a single parent with these two children since they were born and it so hard to let go, but being a parent I need to support them and let them loose. We have only been here for four months I just wish they would give it longer and enjoy their first summer here in Adelaide, especially for my daughter.

     

    Finally, yesterday we also found out that this amazing four bedroom, which we currently live in, has been sold behind our backs and we have to move out on the September 1st, when our tenancy runs out. Yet again I am gutted because I am so settled, content and happy in this home. The only advantage I can think of is that it will be much easier for us to find a two bedroom home, than another four bedroom.

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    Guest Bodie

    Tony,

    Although I've never met you, I've followed your journey with interest. Your posts have always been truthful and optimistic but not 'rose tinted'. I'm sorry to hear that things haven't gone to plan and that you have had this heartbreaking news. There are many out here, like me, who are in your corner and hope that things work out for you and your loved ones. All the best. Bodie.

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    Guest katsmajic

    Thats heart breaking Tony, but remember they have a massive draw for coming back, if only for holidays - you and their ozzie family.

    Their brave kids, be proud of them.:wubclub:

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    hi Tony, sad news for you, I think it's harder for teenagers, because all their friends are on facebook and and stuff and never have enough the release to make new ones, coz their always talking to the ones back in the Uk and seeing them soing stuff which they are not included in, makes it harder for them to move on.

     

    My daughter has said once she's been here long enough to secure citizenship that she is also going to return to the Uk, she doesn't want to go before that, incase she decides to live in Oz again (she really loves it here, but her friends keep pulling her back)

     

    I just think giving them the opportunity to travel and live in other parts of the world is a fabulous experience and they should see it as just that.

     

    If they belong in the UK, they got to go with whats best for them at the time, they may have a diff outlook on life in a few years.

     

    Take care xx

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    arw tony thats so sad, it must be so hard for your kids and for you too.

    It does sound like they would be better back over in the uk as in jobs they want to do, and they have someone to look after them.

    maybe in afew years time they will come back over to live again (hope so).

    must be heartbraking for you, just wanna say stay strong it will all work out for the best in the end goodluck to you all.

     

    sue xxx

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    Guest Team 'W'

    Hi Tony , i dont think you need to worry ,i think you have got two fab kids who have their heads screwed on so tight ,they wont let you down..

    Coming out here all the way to ozz was hard enough so to let them go back is equally as hard,what will it do to you ,will you stay ???

    The kids will find their own way and they obviously love you too bits to come all the way here at their time of life,only to find its not what they want [NOW]but who's to say they wont change their mind at a later stage,family and friends are tying and it dus pull at the heart strings and kids are kids forever changing their minds,but i hope they get what their going back to achieve and wish them all the luck in the world as i do for you !!

     

    Elaine x

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    Guest Guest75

    What can I say that has not been said.

    Aww man!

     

    At least they will have each other in the UK.

    Nice kids,pleasure to meet them the other week.

     

    I hope the hurt heals soon.

     

    They have to follow their dreams also I'm afraid.

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    As much as i sympathise with you...I am not suprised...Have been in a similiar position with our own daughter...but fortunatley we got through it..

     

    I have followed your posts alot....and I am not surprised your daughter has found it hard to get a hairdressing apprentice...from what i remember she had a fantastic apprencticeship in the UK...and i did fear that she wouldnt replicate that over here...ONLY...because again...i have seen how the system works over here....and you mentioned slave labour?...um...say no more....I wish now i had told you in full what happend to my daughter...

     

    Sounds to me like your son has his head screwed on right....good luck to them both..

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    Ah thats not good news. They need to experience the summer! Could your son not wait until you have PR? My daughter started Uni just prior to our PR and they gave us a lot of the money back when we were granted PR. Now she is in 2nd yr of paramedic degree and we pay approx 3500 a semester (2 a yr). She initially started Uni in the UK and the cost of education there including student loan was far more expensive. You accrue interest on the loan right from the outset. Also he may have to get a few years experience before being able to get a job here.

    Are there any TAFT courses that your daughter could do? Be a good way to gain a qualification and make friends...

    I do not know what work you do but could there be the possibility of being sponsored on to a PR visa?

    Just try to get them to look at every possibility before they go

    Wishing you all the very best

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    Guest The Dimmocks

    Really sorry to hear they want to return. They are both lovely children and you should be proud of them, not many 21 year old lads would give 2 year olds a second look, but Nathan was good with the boys when we have met up.

     

    Hope they settle back into UK life, which I am sure they will. x

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    Are there any TAFT courses that your daughter could do? Be a good way to gain a qualification and make friends...

     

    Unfortunately TAFE courses cost as well. At the time, we were on permanent visa's and the courses still cost...My daughter did a 5 month hairdressing/beauty course and with equipment, it cost us $2000...

     

    I can imagine the cost, if you are not on a permanent visa, would be much higher...

     

    It can be very hard to come here as a teenager...especially when you have had things going well in the UK...its a huge step...MASSIVE in fact!

     

    I wish them all the best...especially your daughter...i really hope she gets back into her hairdressing asap...

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    Guest Nick11

    Oh crikey hun..that's awful. You must feel gutted.

    On the positive side though..they do seem to have their heads screwed on the right way and that in itself is a blessing.

    They know what they want out of life and that must be down to your parenting.

    They will be going back to the uk for the right reasons. And with any luck , once they are qualified and got successful careers, the chances are they will return to oz.

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    I hate to admit it, but young people need appropriate educational qualification to gain suitable employment here. Education is far to expensive here in Adelaide, especially on a state sponsorship visa, which we are on. Nathan has gained funding for his degree course and he will gain student loans to help with his living costs. The same for my Shannon, she can walk into an hairdresser apprenticeship for free - receive 90 pounds a week and be qualified in two years. It's breaking my heart but I think its just the inital shock of it all, I never saw this coming as it only happened last night and at least Shannon will be residing with my Mam and Dad.

     

    I know it is the right thing for them to go back to the UK and gain their qualifications but it still hurts. But once they have arrived in the UK at my Mams and they Skype me stating that they are back with their friends and enrolled to do their educational course, hopefully I will feel happy for them. At this moment in time I cannot see them wanting to come back to live. As long as they come back when we apply for PR that will do for me.

     

    I have just celebrated my first wedding anniversary and have such a lovely, supporting and amazing wife beside me, she will surely be the rock for me. After being a single parent for twenty years it's great to have some support regarding my children.

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    Guest katsmajic

    Bear in mind at the ages they are at it would not be long before they would be planning their adult adventures.

    I think its 'andy&lyndsey' who have in their signature - to "give their children roots and let them develop wings" - i love that saying.

    My 2 teens have gone to Melbourne to live - that hurts - but remember - kids are bloody resilient!

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    Guest clare

    Yes im really sorry to hear that too, although ive not met up with you yet ive followed a lot of your posts.

     

    Your children sound great and im sure they will make the best desicion for them, although so difficut for you.

     

    Just wanted you to know that thinking of you at least they shall have each other and your parents.

     

    Good luck to them heartbreaking as it must be.

     

    And thankyou for your kindness towards us yesterday - REALLY appriciate it! take care xx

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    Hey Tony,

     

    Sounds like a big bombshell to deal with.... however it must make you proud to have such determined kids to succeed in life!

     

    Hope your are all ok...

     

    Dan

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    Your kids are planning for their futures. You can not say whether they will come back or not. Don't forget that you are living here now and they have strong ties to you. If they can get some qualifications under their belts then it will be easier for them if they decide to return later. As said before, your kids would have left home at some point, it's just sooner than you were expecting. Also having been away, they may see things and people back in England in a totally different light. It is hard for the older teens who wont go back to school, they are very much the limbo years. I'm sure things will be fine once the dust settles, you have a new place to live and the world is really only a small place. Good luck with it all.

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    Mate i feel for you i really do.....what a bombshell to have dropped on you and your wife.

     

    Not much more to add to what has already been said.....

     

    Were all here mate if you want to vent or chat about anything.

     

    HG

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    Guest Alipally

    Funny how reading things on here puts your lot into perspective.

     

    We are in the reverse situation, in that we the parents are in the middle of making the decision to move back to the UK, ironically because of work... or rather the lack of it here for OH.

    Our son (who will be 18 next month) has decided that he wants to stay right here. He has an apprenticeship, which he loves a load of new mates, that he worked really hard to get and the sort of lifestyle that is envied by his mates back in the UK!

    Our 21 yr old took the decision to stay in the UK and complete his degree, (just got a 2:1:)

    and has decided that his future remains in the UK.

     

    I take comfort from the fact that I have raised two independent children who know their own minds and are able to make life decisions for themselves, based on their long term life plans.

     

    Be proud, our children are only lent to us for a short while.... We let them go knowing they are capable of doing the best for themselves, in spite of the emotional costs, because we have taught them to be responsible for their own destiny, and to follow their own dreams.

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    Guest majortom

    Im so sorry to hear your news Tony.

     

    We arrived here in dec 2006 with a 17 year old boy, a 4 year old girl and had to leave our two eldest girls in Kent. My son didn't settle at all, and like many teenagers found it hard in unfamiliar surroundings with no friends. All he wanted for his 18th birthday was a ticket back home.

     

    Well after going to year12 and meeting friends it started to get easier and he finally found his way and joined the Airforce here. He loves the life, and although he is stationed in Victoria we still get to see him often.

     

    We miss our girls terribly, and since being here they have each had thier own children. I guess it's part of being a parent knowing that one day your children will find other things to do and rely less on you.

     

    It's a shame they can't wait for the 2 years that will allow you all to gain citizenship, then it would be a whole new ball game.

     

    I really, really wish you all the very best and hope things turn out well for the family.

     

    Cheers

     

    Jim

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