Bal67

16 year old daughter!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    Hi guys,

     

    I wonder if anyone has been in this situation our 16 year old daughter has now decided she does not want to emigrate with us and she will miss her friends/boyfriend too much :arghh:

     

    After 18 months of re-training, numerous IELTS tests, hoops and hurdles, going on a reccie to WA (our first choice to find our job taken off skills list and WA still not updated it and then deciding on sa) we are finally seeing light at the end of the tunnel, this has hit us like a bolt out of the blue, as she told us it was nothing serious :biglaugh:

     

     

    What do you do in a situation, has anyone else been there, any advice would be muchly appreciated!!!

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    Guest Claire-n-tel

    Bugger!

     

    How soon are you supposed to be leaving? Maybe she is just having the last minute panic thing?.....What family are coming with you? will she not miss you?

     

    Mind you.....boyfriends at that age can become the be all and end all.....

     

    Maybe just go along with her for now ask where she will live, who will pay for her keep, etc etc probably trying to put your foot down will make her fight harder against you.

     

    good luck

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    Hi Claire,

     

    We had our ITA on Friday which will be submitted this week so I am not sure how long from now we are looking at, but she realised on friday that it is going to happen now and panicked a bit i think now!!!

     

    We are a family of 4, Me (46), Hubby Scott (41), Daughter (16) and Son (13), to start off with she was all up for it, we booked a reccie in August and went to Perth I think she thought the beached would be packed with boys etc but being winter everywhere was quiet, so that probably did not help!!

     

    Yes might try that but we are still probbaly going to be here for another 4-6 months anything could happen, but there is no-one we could leave her with, that would not be an option for us, I did say you have not been to SA youhave got to go and try it and get your visa stamped then in a few months time or so and yo still have not settled then we will have to do something!!

     

    Don't really know what else to do or say!!

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    Guest Claire-n-tel

    Hmmmm.....sounds like panic! How long has she been with her boyfriend?

     

    It's good you have some time for her to come around, maybe just ignore it and carry on planning, maybe try printing out some stuff houses (with pools!) and things she would like (boys surf lifesaving on the beach) and just leave them in a folder for you "all" to look at?

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    Thanks Claire.

     

    Not long she went out with him for a short while at the beginning of 2012 and then she finished with him and then we decided to emigrate and this summer I think she started seeing him again but I did not know until we came back from our reccie and she told me in September, obviously she kept all her options open and checked out Perth first and I think she thought it was a bit quiet being August and winter the beaches were really quiet etc!!

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    I also have a 16 year old daughter and hope to move in the next six months. Fortunately she does not have a boyfriend (at the moment!) I have always said to her to keep her options open. She can always come back if she really hates it but she has to try first. If she doesn't come with us, she won't have an Australian visa and will then have no choice but to stay in the UK. I sympathise with you and dread being in the same situation myself. I think the important thing is getting your visa's and getting them validated. Once that has been done, you have 5 years to sort everthing out. She may return to the Uk while you stay in Oz and find that she hates being on her own, or you may all decide that Oz is not for you - or you could all love it!! I think she needs to understand that she needs to try living in Oz before she makes a decision, as long as she knows that plans can be made for her to come back at a later date, she may be more willing to give it a try? Good luck xx

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    Hi Rhonda,

     

    Thank you for your reply I think she must have spent the day telling people about the situation and most people must have said that she should atleast try it etc etc!! so she seems a bit more positive about it now and I have said if things dont work we will do something else when we are out there.

     

    Very, very hard age I know, whereabouts are you hoping to settle and where are you going in January to start off with, do you have any friends/family there already and jobs??

     

    Bal.

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    Hey Bal67,

     

    We completely understand what you are going through. We obtained our Visa in 2011 and went to Oz in Aug '11 to 'validate' it. We more or less had to drag our 15yr old son on the flights. Anyway, we all went and on our return the house went up for sale and sold in 2 days. the plan was that we would let Connor do his GCSEs and then make the move. I, then in the meantime had a change of heart and in agreement with my husband gave backword on the house and took it off the market so we could save more money up. Connor still was adamant that he would not be going. After a bad year with him dipping in and out of college and pushing the boundaries with us we now are still in the same position. My husband and I are visiting again in Feb 14 for a decider trip. Connor is not coming with us, he is 17 now, 18 in June'14. Financially our son cannot support himself as he is in full time education. I do not know what the result or answer will be. The visa expires in 2016...time is ticking by! My husband is extremely keen still, I have reservations and my son says no under any circumstances will he be going. I wont go if my son wont but then I don't want hubby having regrets, I wont stand in his way either. I don't want him to turn round in years to come and say you held me back..... can see this splitting my family?

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    Hi Apart8,

     

    Thank you so much for the above reply, what ajourney this whole process is, well since the weekend we have had a bit of a turnaround and everyone my daughter has spoken to has told her she will regret it in long run if she does not try it and on Monday she apologised for her beahaviour and realised how selfish she was being and that she would ruin 3 peoples chances of a new life in Oz and is back on board and clamed things down with the new boyfriend (who by the way is lovely, just wish she had met him out there, but then things would be far too simple!!!) Simple and easy are not words that describe this Visa journey because after all the drama over the weekend and Monday we had an email from our Agent on Tuesday morning to say she was ready to Lodge our Visa and should she carry on and we said as there was no change to the Western Australia skills list to carry on, but as she is in Oz at the moment did not get a reply back to see whether or not the Visa for SA had been lodged, i received an email from a friend lunchtime to say the WA Skills List was being updated on Monday 28th October, we frantically tried to get in touch with our Agent to see if she had lodged the visa and if not please don't but got no reply as it would have been evening time in Oz!!

     

    WA was always our first choice as we have friends there who have alot of work contacts etc for us, she emailed early hours of the morning to say the website had crashed and she did not managet to lodge the SA Visa!!! I call that FATE, so now we are waiting for new list to see whether we are going to WA or SA, not goin to Oz is not an option for us we have to go and try and the children (16 and 13) will both come with us, it is not going to be easy I know that, it will be easier in WA as we have friends there which can make a huge difference!!

     

    But I was defintely heartbroken over the weekend as I did not know what to do and with the weather being so bad and the sun shining in Oz, its a no brainer really!!! I think your son will come round eventually, is he your only child and as he has validated your visa can you not leave him here with grandparents etc? Once he is here on his own has not way of financially managing and losing all his home comforts I am sure he will come over.

     

    Bal

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    The point being missed here is you've left it to late....as babies/toddlers/infants we have complete control of their futures, however as they get older they make their own lives & decisions, just watch some of the wanted down under programmes, one of the main problems that arise is when the kids are to old having made their own lives at home & they don't want to go, we've gone through this & realised it was to late to uproot them.

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    So Paul what did you do? Its not always possible to move when the children are younger, everybody has to agree as we all did last year when we started the process!!

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    When we initially thought about going our kids were about 5/7 years old- this in hindsight was the time to go, however we left it a few years until they were around 14/15 which was to late, the other thing that stopped us was fear of disrupting their schooling.

    It would have been nice to have given it a try but our decision was to stay which I don't regret one bit, I've lived abroad before & now couldn't think of a better place to be, my last post was stating a fact from my own & others experience, good luck

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    Thanks Paul,

     

    Yes I know what you are saying but it is just something we have to try and at our ages also it is the last chance for us to do it, I would have done it 10 years ago, but hubby was not ready then, 13 yeard old son is also keen we have thought long and hard about schooling as our 13 yeard old is in a very good Grammar school in Uk, so therefore we will look at an equally good private school in Oz for him whereever we end up that is.

     

    Bal.

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    Guest Claire-n-tel

    Paul, i don't think you can every say it's too late for everyone, there are many, many people who have moved over with teenagers and who have settled and love living here, also i know of a family who moved back to the uk because their 7 year old twins hated being here and were so distressed. So i really think that it depends on the individual child and family.

     

    I'm not sure that 'life down under' is a good place to look for information, at the end of the day it is a tv show, there are very few people who are brought here all expences paid to try it out with every thing organised for them and the option of returning home having lost nothing.

     

    Hopefully it sounds like Bal's daughter has come around to the idea again, i think most people making this move go through times in the lead up wondering if they are doing the right thing and having a 'wobble' or two, but if people really want to do it then they will find a way, or at least try to.

     

    Bal, i'm so glad your daughter is feeling more positive, amazing what a chat with her mates can acheive! Like i said loads of people get the wobbles at some point, usually just a tempory thing, but just be prepared that it may well happen, you, hubby, son or even daughter again and be ready to support each other through it.

     

    Best of luck hun, we are waiting here in the sunshine to welcome you all!

     

    Claire x

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    well said Claire, life moves on, circumstances change, most people try to do the best for them selves and family as they see fit at any given time and make a considered call.

    Due to ill health in the family we had to delay our departure to OZ some 4 years, in fact we landed just 2 days before the 4 year visa expired, this meant all the plans we had regarding the children changed from schooling to work,Our son actually had a trial run of living by himself, for a while before we left, thankfully he decided to come to OZ with us. Though my wife still gets homesick we all really have no regrets about coming, and the 2 children have a great life here now and do not look at England as home.

    It can be hard, emotional, stressful and frustrating time, but with the right attitude and fighting spirit ( like Ali on this forum) then life will become good and hopefully sooner rather than later.

    Good luck.

    Keith

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    Oh i can relate to this one! We came out here 8 years ago and our eldest daughter was 15...and i think if i knew then what i know now with her, i wouldnt have put her through it. She didnt cope at all with the transition from uk school to aus school, so dropped out of school completely. If we had stayed in the UK she would have got her GCSE's. Secondly her chosen career of being a hairdresser went down the drain thanks to the appalling treatment she recieved as an apprentice (which ended up with the salon being taken to court)...finally she ended up working in a job she hates. So after 8 long years (her words not mine) she is back in the UK atm (first time since moving here at the age of 15) assessing how she feels and what she wants to do with the rest of her life.

     

    Of course every child is different, some come here at this age and excel! Some dont.......but of course you wont know until you try...but be prepared for heartache and guilt feelings if it doesnt......

     

    Sorry if i am sounding negative...but just telling you our experience.

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    Hi

     

    We left our son who was 21 in the UK as he didn't want to migrate with us. He came to visit us for 4 wks, 6 months after we arrived. He returned to UK to find the company he worked for had gone into liquidation so he was unemployed. Within 3 months he was back in Oz on a working holiday visa. He has completed his 2 years and is currently on a bridging visa and we are waiting for a decision on a last remaining relative visa for his permanent residence (which we have been advised could take 14 years to process). Having experienced all the issues involved I would definitely advise that children are included on any visa application even if they are adamant they don't want to come to Australia and make sure they validate their visas, at least then they've got a few years to change their mind. If you don't include them on your visas or they don't validate and then they decide they want to come over it is an absolute nightmare and will have cost us around $5k for the visa, plus $5k bond that the Govt keep for 2 years (and still no guarantees he will get one). If he had siblings in the UK he wouldn't have an option to stay in Oz. Wish we'd had had the opportunity to include him on our visas when we applied but he was over 18 and not dependent on us.

     

    Tracey

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    We feel for you Tracey (kizzy), obviously when we applied our son was at school and dependant on us, but when it came to actually leaving the UK he was out of school, the thing that finally persuaded him to come out with us was that we managed to talk him round to the sense of some practical options for the future, that if he could come out for the two years so he could get his citizenship and OZ passport then he would be able to make choices without fear of burning his bridges, also keep his mum and I a lot happier.

    We wish you the best Tracey.

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    Hi Guys,

     

    Thank you for all your comments I really do appreciate all your views and understand its different for every family and all circumstances are different!! Can I also say, something my hubby pointed out to me last night that it was our daughter who actually wanted us to start the process 2 years ago and it was our son who was 11 at the time that I thought we would have problems with and when he started his grammar school I did wonder whether we where doing the right thing for him as he had settled in so well and will also settle in well in Oz (i hope) and my daughter has just done all her GCSE's and done very well in them so we thought this was the right time for us (it is only the new boy/friend that she will miss!!) and we cannot stay in the UK for a relationship that might fizzle out in the next 2/3 months or years as they are 16 year olds!!!

     

    Once she has validated her visa there are options for her to come back to the UK if she really wants to so we think we all have the best of both worlds to go and try Oz if its not for us we can come back and carry on with the rest of our lives with no regrets!!

     

     

    When we came out on our reccie in August to Perth we all fell in love with Oz it was only when she came back and started seeing the boy that she changed her mind!!!

     

    Life would be so boring if everything went plain sailing, would it not??

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    P.S. Keith forgot to say the Migration Company we are using are in the processing of setting up a Office in Brisbane, so let me know if you need details for your son and hows Brisbane?

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    It is just so difficult when you have teenagers.

    I do agree that it would have been so much easier to have done everything when the children were much younger but life's timetable doesn't always play along!

    My daughter was 16 when we arrived. We didn't do a reccie and essentially dragged her here against her will! That may sound a little extreme but even mentioning Australia in out house would result in her going ballistic! Anyway...we coaxed her here but only with a return ticket which she did use. The boyfriend issue was also relevant in her case as well. Life had moved on in her overseas world during the months that she was here. Her friends were doing other things and the way that she remembered things wasn't the reality of what things were really like ("the ping pong effect"??). She returned with boyfriend in tow and it was him who didn't settle...resulting in two further exits and returns. They are now settled here but it wasn't an easy ride!

    I hope that things do work out for you and your family. You will get plenty of positive advice advice and support from members on this forumn.

     

    Take care.

     

    Tamara

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    Hi Rhonda,

     

    Thank you for your reply I think she must have spent the day telling people about the situation and most people must have said that she should atleast try it etc etc!! so she seems a bit more positive about it now and I have said if things dont work we will do something else when we are out there.

     

    Very, very hard age I know, whereabouts are you hoping to settle and where are you going in January to start off with, do you have any friends/family there already and jobs??

     

    Bal.

     

    Hi Bal,

     

    We are currently in the Isle of Man however my husband is originally from Birmingham, like yourself! We would like to settle in the Seaford/Noarlunga area but have never been before. We are stopping in one of Tamara's (from this site) properties when we come over in January. We have no friends or relatives, just decided there is more to life and to get out there and explore it! We will both be leaving well paid jobs to take the plunge into the unknown- very scary, but if you worry about everything you will never get anywhere or do anything different. I think Oz will offer my daughter so much more than the UK and the life style that we have seen from visits to Perth are much more our style - more lively than the Isle of Man but not as fast paced as the UK cities. I love being out doors and the Oz lifestyle and weather is sooo appealing! I am a bank manager and have been applying for loads of jobs but the underlying message from all prospective employers seems to be that they are not interested until you get there, which is understandable. I do worry about getting a job but my other half is not worried at all. He says he will just do what ever comes along and that we will be fine! My daughter wants to finish her GCSE's and she is doing so well I would feel bad for moving her just now. Also her prom will give her a good opportunity to say goodbye to all her friends(and she has already picked out her dress!) so looks like we will not be making the big move till June 14. Seems such a long time off but I'm sure it will fly by!! Can't wait! Xx

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    Hi Bal,

     

    We are currently in the Isle of Man however my husband is originally from Birmingham, like yourself! We would like to settle in the Seaford/Noarlunga area but have never been before. We are stopping in one of Tamara's (from this site) properties when we come over in January. We have no friends or relatives, just decided there is more to life and to get out there and explore it! We will both be leaving well paid jobs to take the plunge into the unknown- very scary, but if you worry about everything you will never get anywhere or do anything different. I think Oz will offer my daughter so much more than the UK and the life style that we have seen from visits to Perth are much more our style - more lively than the Isle of Man but not as fast paced as the UK cities. I love being out doors and the Oz lifestyle and weather is sooo appealing! I am a bank manager and have been applying for loads of jobs but the underlying message from all prospective employers seems to be that they are not interested until you get there, which is understandable. I do worry about getting a job but my other half is not worried at all. He says he will just do what ever comes along and that we will be fine! My daughter wants to finish her GCSE's and she is doing so well I would feel bad for moving her just now. Also her prom will give her a good opportunity to say goodbye to all her friends(and she has already picked out her dress!) so looks like we will not be making the big move till June 14. Seems such a long time off but I'm sure it will fly by!! Can't wait! Xx

     

     

    We stayed in one of Tamaras houses on our reccie - Boomerang house. Was ideal and located in a good area, we thoroughly enjoyed our time there so would recommend it.

     

    Good luck with everything!

     

    Gus

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    We came over here when my twin girls were 14 and to be honest they have never looked back. We got them into school within a week as that is where they were going to meet others of their own age, since then they have gone from strength to strength. They did have each other (which of course helps) and they had one friend already over here but all the kids made them feel welcome from the outset. They are now 18, just finishing school and are planning to go to Uni. They both have jobs at Maccas and have been promoted to Managers. They both own cars which they pay for and run themselves, they are not interested in going back to the UK (even though their father lives there) so it is never too late. I think at the end of the day it is what you make it and you don't know unless you try. Good luck.

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