How did you find dealing with family about the move to oz??

[Guest bcfc1974]

Hi all ,

 

Recently we have had a Eligibility assessment for an Australian visa and were pleased to find that we had enough points. On arriving home the excitement had soon disappeared once we had told my parents who went on to tell us about , missing family , the distance from loved ones, not being able to afford to fly over very often , not seeing our 2 year old son grow up and is this country really that bad (uk), Any advice and thoughts would be great on how some of you dealt with family and loved ones ?

 

Also after quite a bit of researching we thought that Adelaide would be the perfect place as a family to bring up our son and would like to know about ;

 

Is Adelaide a great place for kids to grow up in?

 

What is the teaching and schools like ?

 

Is it easy to make new friends in Adelaide?

 

Many thanks for helping a first timer out on here..

[Trickyshel]

well its like this family!

 

Next years Xmas dinner,, you will have to cook yourselves!!!!!

[Blossom]

Luckily my family were happy to get rid of me lol.

 

I'm now at the age of having children, and I must admit I feel the uk would offer them more. But, then there are things which they could do here they couldn't there. It's a hard one.

 

Have you visited Australia before? Personally I wouldn't consider it without a trip first. Many people end up not liking it and going back. Not a very cheap experiment.

[Guest bcfc1974]

Hi Blossom , We have never been to Australia before but due to my wife's age (for the points) we feel it is now or never.

What things makes you think that the UK would offer your children more ? Part of the reason for our move is we are really worried at the opportunities our son may have in 20 years time as things are really really tough for anyone leaving school /uni now and we do not see things getting any better only worse. We feel that with Australia being a very young nation that the opportunities will be greater and will allow Harry to grow up as a kid.

 

 

We are aware that it is a gamble to go out having never been before but feel as though we may have regrets if we don't give it a go and hey it is only money!!

[newlife]

As parents with 4 kids ranging from 12 to 5 in age we feel we have given them the oppertunity to have the type of childhood we had while growing up in the Uk. They are always out playing in the reserve behind us or riding their bikes with their friends, climbing trees etc( health and safety hasn't quite caught on here), as a family we find we do more things together come weekends whereas in the UK weekends were spent catching up with relatives and Grandparents.

Everyones experience with Australia is different, for us it has been great and we have no regrets.

we found settling into Australia relatively easy and having children makes it easier to make friends.

It will always be hard leaving family and friends behind but most come round and actually enjoy their visits and there is always skype and telephones.

[ajford]

Hi bcfc 1974,

 

It can be hard for Parents/Grand parents etc.. when it comes to leaving for Adelaide/or any place away from their home as its all they have known for some and they are upset for the loss and closeness they once had and may not have again.

You have to live for yourself and do whats best for you and the future of your children if you have them or not, it depends also what type of life you have while in the UK ,how much you depended on them around you including friends.

Our parents were different in a way- asked questions about the process etc..., however this was before we got accepted for the visa and the reality kicked in for them that we were leaving the UK for good and we were looking forward TO IT without feeling guilty about leaving them and the life we had behind.

We too had the guilt trips about never seeing the kids growing up, not being able to afford coming over etc.. and tears from my dad all the time et... however saying that being a northerner I may sound harsh when I say the following-however the uk or where we were from was ferral, not safe, no opportunities for the development of my children and their/ our future.

 

I don't believe they would have had much of a chance in the the uk(Leeds), its no fun always looking over your shoulder when you are walking around the place you grew up or while in the city not being able to trust the people around you.

We might have been unlucky not having genuine friends etc.. who say there going to keep in touch etc.. then never do, or loved ones who cant be bothered with you so much even when you have tried yourself, however that's no skin off my nose..lol. I know why we came here for US and our future.

There will be times when you get low and think about what you used to have etc.. then the sun shines through the window and you see your kids being kids playing out ,

I agree with the above posts about visits, emails etc.. . There is still things called phones, Skype letters and you can only do so much good luck to you.

The grass isn't always greener on the other side and when bad things happen ,it is hard however what doesn't destroys you can make you stronger.

We have no regrets and should it not work out at least we had a go-

We have been here over two years and its been a bit of a rollercoster however we are still here going strong-our friends over here are worth more than double the ones in the uk, they are genuine and want nothing from you and are always there when and if you should need them. They become your new family

 

[kadina]

Hi, families have great way of making you feel guilty about your decision but at the end of the day you are doing what is best for your little unit and that's whats important, you cannot please everyone all the time, and yes its a good place to bring up kids that the whole reason we came back, some family are very understandable and would do the same if they had the chance, others say why are you moving back (before we did) but until you live here and experience it it hard to understand. We love it here and moved back to the UK for family we realised it was not the best thing we could have done and couldn't wait to get back here as missed it so much. Schooling is very different over here and I here a lot complaining about things but in time I am sure we will get used to it, its a lot more laid back over here is all I can say you will find out in time. As for making friends Ive made a lot from this site but also have a lot of Australian friends who I am still friends with now even after being out of the country for nearly 5 years, I have found some of my Australian friends to be the best friends I have ever had, with the odd POM thrown in lol who are very nice too. don't beat yourself up about family comments we came back again and had things like we will never see you again, we will never come over and almost not speaking to us for a period, yes I may not see my mum ever again (she was good about us coming back) and its sad yes, but she has always said to me don't live for other people live for yourself. Maybe in time my hubbys no so understanding parents will realise how much they miss their only grand kids and come over in time, gee I sound like such a bitch .... ha ha good luck with everything hun xx

[Blossom]

I think my opinion of less opportunities for children is more to do with where I came from. I am from Cambridgeshire where I think we had a very good balance. Lots of work opportunities, not too far from London if you wanted big city or even to commute. Not much crime (except bike thefts), good weather, beautiful countryside etc. As a teenager in the uk it is normal to move around the country for uni. I don't know anyone here who hasn't just gone in Adelaide.

 

I did live in Manchester too, and Adelaide is a better place mostly. Again, not as many opportunities as just the amount of companies etc can't compare. There seems to be just as much crime here, and my husband (who is a big one for going out drinking) says he sees far more violence on a night out in town than in Manchester.

 

There also seems to be far more young people die in car accidents here too. Such a waste.

[Diane]

There also seems to be far more young people die in car accidents here too. Such a waste.

 

I think a lot of that is just that you hear about it a lot more here - although of course, teenagers and young drivers with access to very high powered cars here must be a factor.

 

With regards to the University thing, yes, I think here kids do tend to just go to one of the Adelaide Unis, and still live at home with their parents, which I think means they miss out on a lot: it's probably why world travel is so big a part of so many young people's lives: many start Uni and then take a year off to travel, or do like my daughter has done which is take a year off before starting Uni. She is looking at going to University in either Sydney or Perth, but of course, those are two of the most expensive places in Australia to live and even in University accommodation (in Perth), you are looking at over $200 for a single room in a shared Unit.. so huge extra costs to be borne!

[Blossom]

I did wonder if it was that it's a smaller place and you hear about it more, but I came to the conclusion that it isn't. I know more people personally who have been affected by people dying in car crashes here than I have ever known in the uk, and I've only been here five years. (I only know of one person dying in a car crash in the uk, and I know far more people there). I think part of the problem is that drink driving is so much more accepted here. I know LOADS of people here who have been done for drink driving here. I didn't know one in the uk. Not to mention the people I know here who have driven with no licence at all!

The roads here are defenatly worse here than the uk.

[Guest jorose]

I can't comment about the kids apsect but as far as family goes, they either liked it or lumped it. Hard faced approach maybe but I feel you can't live your life as others want/expect. Life is for trying and experiencing new things and anyone who stops or tries to stop you, in my opinion is very selfish.

[Guest bcfc1974]

Thank you all for comments and advice.

 

With regards to my parents I know that they were very sad at the thought of us (especially their grandson) leaving and that is because they are very caring and big family people but in time they will come around to the thought of us going.

 

We are hoping that Harry can have a proper child hood in Australia instead of all the pressures of growing up in the uk where kids are expected to grow up far to fast and for ourselves it feels like a proper little adventure !

 

Thanks again and I am sure I will be back on asking for more advice.

[Blossom]

Those same pressures are on children here now too. I think it is more of a change of times than a place thing though. Facebook etc has made childhood a far worse place. I'm planning on moving more into the country when I have kids to TRY to avoid some of that, but I don't think you can escape it.

 

I am lucky in not having had any children before I left. It would have been much harder I think. My mum has always wanted grandchildren, and predicted that my sister wouldn't have any children from a very young age, so all the pressure has always been on me. She has confirmed not wanting children.

I've been here 5.5 years and my parents haven't visited yet. My theory is that they are waiting for a grandchild and then will be right over lol.

[Rabeah]

My mum has still issues coping with my migration. She cannot understand what is so appealing in Australia that I really stay here for good! For her it's too far away though she's healthy. I think it's because I'm her only daughter and she didn't realise that adventure and living in a foreign country is a part of my personality. I was never happy in my home country, in my opinion Europe is overpopulated and narrow.

In the beginning she was quite understanding but after the visa was in the final steps she tried to put off with Australia regarding finding a job, health insurance, etc.

My dad is the complete opposite. he supported the idea and us from day one! Okay, my parents are divorced and don't interfere with their very different approach towards migration. Also my dad used to live in South Africa for 5 or 6 years and travelled a lot.

My in-laws were great, too. Mum-in-law of hubby is a former migrant, too and dad-in-law used to lived in several countries when he was young. Both know Australia due to relatives we have here.

Luckily, we don't have any kids which made the decision process a lot easier for us. I heard that the schools are not so good than in Europe/UK, the standards are supposed to be lower, children learn less here (regardless of public or private schools). But that I only know from hearsay, because I cannot verify this at the moment.

[Guest bcfc1974]

Hi rabeah

 

It is funny how people go on about the Australian education standards as when I checked the world education report Australia was ranked higher than the uk.

I have heard that teaching methods are more relaxed than in the uk but again some leading teaching groups here are now saying that there is to much emphasis on structure and results putting pressure put on the younger children instead of them enjoing their early years at school .

 

I know what you say regarding overpopulated and this is what we think about the UK leaving us with concerns about the options Harry may have in 18 years time as we know of kids leaving uni now with good degrees and finding only mundane jobs due to a saturated jobs market.

[flossybeth]

We felt that by moving with our children at the age they were (7, 9 & 10) we'd given their grandparents (and other family) the chance to "know" them so that although they would be missing out on the day to day they would still know their personalities and our children would remember them too. It seems to have worked and certainly when they get no more than a passing nod on Skype or an email that just says "we had ice-cream" or "that's nice for you Grandma" they're not at all offended.

 

As far as support for our decision goes I think they were all fairly resigned to it as inevitable since it was something we'd talked about for almost 10 years. It didn't make it any easier to leave them behind or to really choose when it came to going though to have family who were excited for us. It is very hard and you'd just have to hope that somewhere in the process they'll come round - my mother-in-law, who wouldn't even drive to see us 40 minutes up the road before we left and we were sure we'd not see again unless we retunred to the UK has already been out for a 2 week visit and is planning a longer stay for next year... so you never can tell.

[Guest Sarah Bradley]

Sorry Blossom I disagree about the road deaths I lived in Didcot in the UK near to the busiest dual carriageway in the country A34. There was an accident almost every week often with fatalities, I never knew if it was going to take me 1/2 an hour to get home or 3 hours due to an accident. Adelaide is a small place compared to Oxford and the fact that people are getting caught for drink driving reassures me that there are police out there getting them off the roads. In my opinion there were more road deaths in Oxfordshire every year than in the whole of South Australia but maybe it was my perspective living so close to a dangerous road.

[Blossom]

Yes, I work near the port waikfield road and that seems like that too. Just on Friday there was a motorbike rider killed (although I didn't hear anything about it on the radio or SA police Facebook page).

How many people did you actually know who had been affected by someone dying on the roads here compared to there though? I know one person in the uk. Here I know 6. I know far less people here than in the uk. That's a hell of a difference in my books.

[Lily Rainbow]

Hi OP,I'm british and my 3 kids are aussies.We moved to the UK when the kids were 9,11,and 15.I moved to Australia (SA)when I was 9 yrs old.Having seen and experienced both sides,when we moved to the UK,nothing changed with my kids.They still spent loads of time outside,schooling was fab (they're all adults now)and all have very good jobs.I asked them several times if they would return to Australia to live,and they have all said no!!Myself?I'm in two minds.I can see the good,the bad and the ugly in both countries.Just read the news of both places and you'll see what I mean.(For SA news read news.com.au,scroll down page to where the states are and click on SA).Personally I would go for a trip over first tbh.You need to consider how this will impact your life.Do an online grocery shop via Coles or Woolworths (not sure if Foodland do this online?),do some research on how much it would cost to travel outside of Oz,cost up a week's holiday within Oz,say in Queensland.

Most parents would be upset at the thought of not seeing their kids/grandkids regularly.That is something they (and you) would have to come to terms with.You might be excited about the prospect of an impending move,but please don't expect other people to feel it with you.

As far as your kids future opportunities go,my 3 kids all have good jobs and did'nt have any hassle getting them either.Yes life is good in Australia,but the bottom line is,its only a country!!! Its similar to the UK but with guaranteed sun in summer!lol Personally my OH and I (and now my adult kids)like jetting off somewhere else in the world to get our sunshine.

[Scriv]

Hello, wehave spent the last two years agonising over our decision and the posts I have read all ring so true! However we are about to have our medicals at half term and awaiting police checks. My husband has had Nomination by SA for his skills as a Quality Assurance Manager. We are hoping to settle in the Henley area asap. Our two boys are 12 and 16 and just as excited as us.

 

No one can help you make the decision really, if you want it bad enough you won't let it pass you by, at least that's what we have felt. I think we will get there and wish we had gone two years age!

 

Any advice now would be great about our next steps! We have sold our house in readiness for our PR visas, can leave our rental at a months notice and as my job is temporary I can leave at the end of term... HOWEVER my husband doesn't want to give up a permanant job with BAE Systems UK without an offer in SA. I want to just get out there asap so that my 16 year old can start Y11 at the high school and commence his SACE in Adelaide (funnily enough he is keen to not have to sit his gcses!)

 

Am I peeking too soon? Should we ait for our PR visas in hand before giving notice of jobs??

 

Scriv

[Guest mature1_arnie]

Yep been there done that even if it was back in 1960 herd all the same reason's I believe Adelaide is the best city in the best state in Australia I came out with my ex & 1 sons then had 3 more sons here all grown up now with their own families now have 16 grandchildren & 8 great-grandchildren now retired, I sponsored my widowed mother who was 53 years old & my 15 year old brother in 1965 he could not get work in UK at the time ( now a master builder ) then in 1969 sponsored my sister ( divorced ) & 4 children her ex my brother-in-law was the worse telling all the reason's why I should not come as he knew every thing about Australia as his brother had migrated to Australia way back in 1948, funny thing was he migrated with his second wife in 1972 plus these days London is only a 24 hour flight away good luck Arnie